December is Upon Us (now with working audio)…

So before I get into the happy stuff, I would like to take a second out to acknowledge three special people from the past weekend. Three complete and total idiots who deserve to be beaten in public. I will put them in order from idiot to even more of an idiot. 

Idiot # 1: Stephon Marbury – Okay so not only do you refuse to play twice, when your team is shorthanded and you have a chance to show that you are not such a bad teammate. But then, you come out and say that your teammates shot you in the head in your own foxhole. You are making 22 million a year to do nothing, your coach asks you to play, and you say no. But it’s your coach and your teammates who are the bad guys somehow? I swear I can’t wait for this douchebag to get out of tow.

Idiot # 2: Plaxico Burress – The star wide receiver for my beloved Super Bowl Champion New York Giants went out to a club on Friday night and shot himself in the leg. With a gun not with steroids or something. What’s worse is that the gun may not be licensed. I swear if the Giants suffer because of this somehow I will never forgive Plaxico. He shot himself man! What a dumbass! (He’s fine by the way.)

Idiot # 3: Wal-Mart Shoppers – Okay so this one is a group award. For those who didn’t hear this unfortunate news, a Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death by a flock of idiot customers on Friday morning. Where was this Wal-Mart you ask? In Valley Stream Long Island, five minutes from my house! My Aunt had plans on going there Friday morning. Thank goodness she changed her mind. How do you step on a person? People are really disgusting sometimes.

poopOkay now that that’s out of my system, let’s switch gears. Today is December 1st. Thanksgiving weekend has come and gone. Time to put up the decorations. As you can see I already have mine up. (I also wanted to give you guys some music, but at the moment the audio is acting up. I will have a new song for you everyday once that problem is resolved.) Time to start crossing off those names from your shopping lists. I myself made some significant progress over the weekend. One gift in particular was perfect. I found a book about pooping for my friend Alex, who never shuts up about pooping. The book is just awesome (I want one for myself). Its called Flush: The Scoop on Poop Throughout the Ages. It is a treasury of fun poop info and I can’t wait to see his face when he sees it. I recommend this as a cool little stocking stuffer for any poop afficionado. I found the following awesome book,…but I don’t know who to give it to just yet. Maybe I’ll mail that book to Dan (Drakonskyr) for Hannukah.

There was also this funny little book about kids who are scared of Santa. These kids faces were priceless. PURE TERROR! Were you afraid of Santa when you were little?
scared3 scared2 scared1 christmas story santa
In case you didn’t notice, I added in a scene from A Christmas story at the end there. Ralphie and Randy were petrified when they went to see Santa (literally). If you don’t know what I’m talking about then go to a place where films are sold or rented, find A Christmas Story and get it immediately. You are not allowed back till you have completed this task. Now go. Shoo I said. Or more a propos, SHOE!christmas story santa 2 

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42 comments

  1. Yay for Christmas being around the corner! I’ve never heard of the book Flush, but I do enjoy Everyone Poops. Aw, those poor kids. A Christmas Story is one of my least favorite Christmas movies. 

  2. I guess you’ll be sending that book, elsewhere.Plaxico is on my fantasy team.  i didn’t really like him, anyway, but now… eh.  he’s still a better person than Marbury.  i may have to return to NYC to party with you when THAT era is over.

  3. I love A Christmas Story, easily one of my holiday favorites.  Possibly only beaten by Home Alone.  God, I love this time of year.  Thanks for putting me more in the spirit.  I love the new layout.(Oh, and I totally agree with #3.  I’m not so much a sports person, but trampling a person to death is despicable)

  4. I think in the picture of the Santa with the two little girls, he looks just as frightened as they do!  :-pA book on poop!  I want to see that, too!  I mean, whose curiosity wouldn’t be piqued by that title?That Wal-mart death just made me sick.  I can’t stand mob-style shopping like that, let alone the thought of this happening.  I heard people just kept on shopping.  My father grew up in Valley Stream.Kathi

  5. I need that poop book. Or maybe I’ll get it for my cousin, aptly nicknamed: Shitticus. People are idiots, plain and simple. I can’t believe that guy shot himself in the leg, how moronic do you have to be? Srsly? Epic facepalm.

  6. @TiRocKiinPiinK – Gasps! You didn’t like A Christmas Story? I have to ask why not?@TheBigShowAtUD – I am counting down the days.@Hathaway_Lane –  This is going to be the place to be. I am looking forward to the next few weeks so much.@Still_groovy – Valley Stream is not typically that bad. It’s just that damn Wal-mart. I never go there even on a quiet day. Someone always manages to irk me. @StewieIsMyHero –  The lady in Barnes and Noble had suggested that Everyone Poops book, but we were luck to find this one instead. When I tell you this book is awesome I am not exaggerating. The first two pages are about uses of urine from olden times. People used it as mouthwash, hair product, food seasoning… I’ll just stop there. Oh plus it all rhymes!

  7. hmmm…well i know that for sport i shoot myself in the foot all the time…ok no i don’t. and your right he is an idiot.  He probably doesn’t read books.  My mom used to call me Linus for a long time because i carried a blanket and sucked my thumb…Christmas = more food = fat lard = ME…cant wait!

  8. I did not hear about idiot #1 but it sure chaps my ass.  I just don’t get people that don’t appreciate that they are getting paid RIDONKULOUS, COPIUS amounts of money for something my best friend’s little brother does everyday for free.  Ok I know that professional athletes do it with more  finesse, but c’mon.

  9. Bah, Humbug! My favourite Christmas special is a Bloom County cartoon they only ran once. Luckily, we found it on videotape. It is called A Wish For Wings That Work. Classic, classic, classic – and they got the voices just right. We watch that, The Grinch (the animated one, of course), and for some weird reason Demolition Man (don’t ask ). Oh, and the Jeff Dunham Christmas Special where Achmed sings Jingle Bombs.

  10. A Christmas Story is the most AWESOME story out there for this time of the year. When I was growing up I honestly thought someone was sneaking around following my family for that movie. At least to get the ideas about the dad.This will be the first year my kidlet is old enough to watch it AND understand it. I can’t wait!

  11. Too bad Plaxico didn’t go to the mall. Santa wold have told him, “You’ll shoot your leg off!” I love the Christmas Story. We quote it all year round. Watched it the day after Thanksgiving to get the holiday mood going. I love his cussing about the furnace and the neighbors dogs.

  12. 1) Marbury is an ass.2) I don’t see why anyone cares about what Plax did. He should be released and the authorities should be seriously questioned about why they aren’t so efficient with catching criminals.3) That first Santa kid picture is the greatest thing I have seen in a long time. That kid is serious as a heart attack about the need to be rescued immediately.

  13. Just following through with seedsower’s “introduction” blog… so, Hi I’m Kathryn. I’ve been a xangan for almost a year. I love reading people who have something to say, say it well and don’t back down from their opinions. You look like that sort of guy. Glad to meet you.

  14. I’ll agree on the idiots.  At least it doesn’t look like Plaxico Burress is hurting the Giants much.  I’d be happy for them if I wasn’t a Cowboy’s fan.  Great books, and those are funny kid pics.

  15. I like your idiot awards and i agree completly… The Walmart thing makes me more then a little sick. I was terrified of Santa… didn’t want to go near them. I couldn’t understand why my parents wanted me to sit on a strange mans lap… not cool. Of course I’ve seen A Christmas Story! I don’t live in a hole!

  16. (I came here from Jonathan’s Xanga Site.)  I had to check with my mom, but she said I wasn’t ever afraid of Santa.  But she did remind me that one time I took a catalog along to point out to Santa exactly what I wanted.  She said she never saw a Santa laugh so hard…

  17. Assignment long completed, but no Cousin Dave to comment on it (srsly not feelin da luv)… I am packing to shuffle off to Salina. Don’t you wish you were going, too?

  18. I saw the whole Wal-Mart thing when it first came on the news on Friday.  I was disgusted.  Still am disgusted.  There was one where there was a shooting at a Toys R Us, too.A Christmas Story is fantastic! 🙂  I would love to watch the entire 24 hour marathon at Christmas.  But damn, family gets in the way.

  19. I guess I’ll have to head to the video store this weekend…p.s.  you have no idea how happy it makes me that you have the Dean Martin & Nat King Cole version of this song PLUS Charlie Brown’s Christmas as your background.  Are you a classic Christmas movie fan also or just Children’s Classics? 🙂

  20. @smiling_spunk – You mean you’ve never seen a Christmas Story? Yes go rent it and please let me know how that went for you.I love some of the classics too. I am catching up on some of the old ones I have never seen though. Any suggestions?

  21. Well, I may have never seen A Christmas Story, but own almost all the classics.  White Christmas is excellent, Its a Wonderful Life is always on TV during the Xmas season so I’m sure you’ve seen that one.  Holiday Inn is pretty good also.  The old Miracle on 34th Street (B&W) is best.  Hmm…basically Irving Berlin is my hero and I may have been born in the wrong decade in terms of Christmas movies (and music).  I’ve heard about The Bells of St. Mary’s and The Bishop’s Wife but haven’t seen them yet.  If you happen to watch any of these, let me know what you think 🙂 I tend to be super forgetful about watching something and remembering whom I am supposed to get feedback to, so if you ask me about it that would be a great help.  🙂 P.S. Please tell me you have snow.  To watch these movies without snow falling or on the ground isn’t nearly as fun.  If you have a fireplace, sit in front of that with a cup of hot cocoa and a blanket while watching as well. 🙂 Enjoy!  

  22. Some thoughts on your idiots:1. I think that Marbury should get the Idiot Emeritus award, because he has been pretty much a useless tool since being with the Knicks.2. Does Antonio Pierce get idiot honorable mention for taking the gun from the scene (of the self-shooting) back to New Jersey?3. You know what the kicker for me was in the Walmart incident? It was all the [sarcasm] concerned [/sarcasm] customers who got irate because they shut down the Walmart after the employee’s death.

  23. @Redshirte – oh that is pretty disgusting about the walmart customers. I’m telling you that Wal-Mart brings out the worst in people. When I lived upstate in Binghamton there was a super walmart and it was alot bigger and nicer. People had space to roam free. This one is all small and cramped. People act like caged animals.

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