This holiday season has been so up and down for me. I feel like a damn yo-yo over here. There has been some pretty heavy stuff going on. The holidays started off well enough. I had a great Thanksgiving and got all my shopping done early. Then not a day after my shopping was all done I took a substantial financial hit. That very same week I took another. I didn’t know how I was going to cope with them, but I did. What’s more amazing is that I managed to keep a positive outlook throughout the whole thing.
Then came last week when I got into two vicious fights with two people I love very much. The thing is that both fights were over such stupid things. They just completely knocked the wind out of me for a moment. I took solace in the fact that I would have a three day weekend to tend to my wounds. The weekend came (mercifully) and I began to patch things up. I made things right with my loved ones and went to the city to enjoy some Christmas festivities with my family. Things were truly looking up. Then on Sunday came the news that someone near and dear to me had lost their job on Friday. It came so unexpectedly, and after dealing with everything else I didn’t have the strength to deal with it anymore. I just got the feeling like something was determined to keep me down in the dumps this season. Like that happy feeling I had so badly needed this year was just not coming. I had literally been fighting with myself for the past few weeks not to break down. Not to throw my arms up in disgust and say FUCK IT! FUCK IT ALL!
I have always been a pretty stoic person. Its pretty hard to shake me and even harder to see when I am shaken. This comes in handy when you are trying to be strong for others, but it also makes it hard for others to know when they need to be strong for you. Here’s the thing though. When people truly love you they know. They see through the tough exterior and they know. So as I reached my breaking point, as I felt like saying FUCK IT ALL, I was reminded in the simplest ways that I was loved and that I was appreciated and that I have way more to be happy about than I have to be sad about. It dawned on me afterwards that the past few weeks have given me an opportunity. An opportunity to see clearer and with a bit more perspective. An opportunity to embrace this Christmas with even more fervor than I have in the past.
It sounds cliche and it sounds corny but I am here to say it anyway. Christmas is love. If you are lucky enough to know what love is then you may have a Merry Christmas no matter what you are going through. Whether its love for family, or a significant other, or a friend, or a community (online or otherwise). If you have love you are rich. I am blessed to be a very rich man in this regard. It is something my father so eloquently reminded me of over the weekend. Remember this Christmas to count your blessings people. There is so much more to enjoy in life than we sometimes realize.