The Official Xanga Bailout Plan

Alright people. Its high time that I got around to posting this. Last month I broke the news to you that we are in the midst of a Xanga Recession. It was a tough pill for us all to swallow, but the truth needed to be heard. I promised that I would have a plan for you guys on how to deal with this crisis and I am a man of my word. So my friends, today I give you:

The Official Xanga Bailout Plan
(Note for slow people: Some of this is serious and some is not. Have fun figuring out what is what, cause I ain’t tellin’.)

So we’ve got a probem. We’ve admitted it. That means we’ve taken the first step on the road to recovery. The question that lies before us now is how to avoid sinking to the same depths as our real economy. How do we right the ship before we start having massive xanga layoffs, and an endless string of desperate mergers. I mean really, are you looking forward to a future where all usernames resemble something along the lines of (a subsidiary of Theologian’sCafe).  Try typing that into your browser!

Now as outlined in the recession post, there are three main factors contributing to the current xanga economic climate. Lets go through and tackle them one by one.

Problem 1: A Decline in Content – Now let me first say that this problem is not as bad as it was a month ago, but it is still not where it needs to be. It just seems that more and more good posts are not getting their due these days.

Solution: Here is what we can do xanga. We can either continue to bitch about featured and this person being a top blogger and that ish site taking up all the space in the front page, or we can ignore it and focus our attention quality, underappreciated blogs. Here is a newsflash for you, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO READ THE BLOGS ON THE FRONT PAGE ONLY! Seek out great writers and encourage them to keep up the good work. Lets face it guys, most of us are inspired to be better and more prolific writers as our traffic goes up. We cannot keep rewarding the same people over and over with comments and recs no matter what piece of crap post they put out, while ignoring great writing from more obscure xangans. Now I know what you are thinking; Sometimes I just dont know where to find these diamonds in the rough. Or maybe you just don’t have the patience to look. Well my friends I have good news for you. Soon you won’t have to.

Announcing the Xanga Financial Group. The XFG will provide services for xangans who want to keep track of all that is WIN in xanga. It will consist of a Xanga Stock Market (We will track a select number of blogs as stocks), Xanga Investment Tips (To tell you which stocks are hot), and a Blog Trend Watch (This way you keep ahead of the blogging curve and we dont get people posting “25 Things” lists in July.). The XFG will consist of some of the finest minds on xanga and will be coming to you real soon! Now on to the next problem.

Problem 2: The Decline of the Rec – This problem is as bad as ever. I recently had a post that received 35 recs and 79 comments. That is barely a 2:1 ratio. The rec today is worth less than an autographed copy of MC Hammer’s first album.

Solution: Here is something that we’ve all been through. You get a rec from a friend and you decide to go check it out feeling all optimistic about it, only to find that your friend just rec’d you some bullshit! How do you feel after that? You feel violated don’t you. Like someone just raped your puppy or something. You want to warn others so that no one is ever violated like that again. Well what if we could rate people’s recs? Think about it. You just read the crappiest post ever because asshole friend #1 sent it to you. You give it a crap rating, just as all the other people who were forced to read it will, and now unsuspecting friend#2 has a fair warning. What’s better is that the rec rating would stay with that person for all future recs. For the rating to change, they would simply have to rec better posts.

To make it clear what a person’s rating is, their could be a little icon next to their rec. The little red heart for a good rating, and a little brown turd for a crap rating. So now when you see this in your inbox:
AssholeFriend#1 recommended SomeChick’s weblog entry: Some Stupid Survey Result
You can skip right over it.

Problem 3: The Rise of Xanga Whoredom – The surveys, the mass messages, the widgets, the constant craving for attention. It can get a bit taxing for both the xanga whore and the people who have to walk the same street as the xanga whore and pretend they don’t notice the patent leather mini skirt, gold knee high boots, and platinum blond wig.

Solution: Okay this is a two parter. The first is a massive economic stimulus package similar to the real life one. I propose Xanga dole out a massive 750 billion credit bailout grant. We can get most of the credits for this bailout package from SnippiesBlog (I heard she gives out free premium like its candy, so she must have a buttload of credits stashed away). The grant will be dispersed among all xanga whores. This way they can get that free year of premium they’ve been aching so bad for and we can be left the hell alone.

The second part is this piece of advice. I know you didn’t ask me for it, but i’m giving it to you anyway. Mass messaging and kissing people’s asses will not make you friends around here. Just chill and go with the flow. Find people who you like to read and concentrate on improving your writing. Thats how you make friends on here. Not by beating them over the head with “hey look at me” all the time. Make friends and they will comment you. Trust in your writing xanga. It may take some time, but people will come around to you.

Rec or don’t rec. Whatever.



  1. I normally don’t comment… but this was reality in a sarcastic, davesque manner. And I really liked it. I personally feel whoredom should be first… but people don’t seek out great writers because great writers are hard to find… ANYWHERE these days. If the fp is full of xangarbage, people will think this is all they are offered and then they resort back to *gasp* the real reason for this site… WRITING THEIR OWN FEELINGS.

  2. i think most of the recommended blogs are really random. while some are interesting, most just leave me wondering why i just wasted minutes of my life.and the whole “-ish” thing is freakin out of control! most of the blogs on those make me want to punch someone in the face anyway.i never noticed how everyone wants to be a xanga celebrity until a few months ago. its kind of strange, writing blogs for other people.great post! id be down for a shit ton of credits.xoxo

  3. I look forward to seeing the Xanga Financial Group in action soon, honey. And I still believe you have far more time than you should if you’re off thinking up this stuff all the time. Do you work at all?

  4. As a politics junkie, this is fucking hilarious.The only thing, how will we get rid of the corrupt blogrings that bring some of the credits back to their blogring?We must remove earmarks.

  5. Brilliant plan! I’m not sure if you were joking or not about the rec rating system, but that might be a nice idea. Seriously, I hardly ever read the blogs my friends rec to me because they’re usually crap. I have a feeling that is also the reason I don’t get any traffic when my blogs are rec’d (last time I got a couple recs on a blog of mine, I got maybe 5 footprints tops from the recs). People assume that most recs are a bunch of garbage. It would be nice to know if I should actually read something or not.

  6. You are indeed brilliant!”Find people who you like to read and concentrate on improving your writing” that is the best advice ever….I might add ‘to comment them’.

  7. @youandwhosearmy – yeah I was actually thinking about catpooish and featured_grownups when I was writing this. We might try and work with the a bit.@SnippiesBlog – Alright. Don’t have to scream about it. Geez what a baby!@Shirlann – I think of this stuff while I am administering contracts. I almost put Xanga as one of the parties in a contract yesterday. @Auxesis – aww shit. Now we need an oversight committee for this thing. This is getting complicated.@Power_Ranger_Freak – Dude today has been one of the slowest days in a while. It made me regret posting this today.@Pieces_of_a_Melody – I would love that feature, but I don’t think it would ever fly. It might hurt people’s feelings, and we all know how important people’s feelings are around here.@seedsower – Yes of course comment them. I kind of just assumed people would comment of they like it, but in reality alot of people don’t. No matter how much they liked the post.

  8. “Mass messaging and kissing people’s asses will not make you friendsaround here. Just chill and go with the flow. Find people who you liketo read and concentrate on improving your writing. Thats how you makefriends on here. Not by beating them over the head with “hey look atme” all the time. Make friends and they will comment you. Trust in yourwriting xanga. It may take some time, but people will come around toyou.”–xD It’s not hard to say hi once in a while (without mass messaging, that is). You’ll even get a hi back, most of the time.

  9. This was wicked dude!Fortunately for me I have a xangaholic for a wife and she is good at filtering out the crappy dieheria subs from the fresh food for thought. But if you don’t have a CanadianBroad of your own then what better way to save siffting through the trash for that lost thought than a broker to fall from the sky leaving the answers written on the pavementPeace allTheo

  10. Nice Fats!  You know—everytime I see your profile pic as a thumbnail, it reminds me of Petey the Pirate (mascot of East Carolina University).  Random thought I know.  But whatever.

  11. I have only rec once!  I dont even look at the front page so im all for it.   Hell I dont even know how many credits I have??  So out of the xanga loop!btw SomeChick’s  wasnt some snide swipe at me right?? lol j/k

  12. @IfonEarth – This is what I would say. If you read something and you are just whatever about it, than don’t just comment for the sake of commenting. But if you read somethig you really like you should let the person know. Even if its just you saying “good post.” Its always nice to hear that from someone.@rise_against_the_fray – thanks dude. Hope this helps you find your footing here.

  13. @vanedave – That’s usually my standard procedure, yes. But once in a while someone’s entry makes me feel like I should be commenting (this one, for example). Usually it’s because the person says something about not getting comments, or about their comment/rec. ratio, or whatever. That said, now I know what to do next time I come across one of your posts. :]

  14. If I am ever elected President of the United States, or President of Xanga, you will most definitely have a high-level cabinet post. That way, not only will I have reliable good ideas, but also a high dose of humor when it’s needed.  Take that bad economy and terrorists!

  15. @ZJiff30 –  it would be an honor sir!@Neowind – No, start after this post.@Pawleeen – the rec rating system would not happen. It might involve hurting people’s feelings, which xanga will not go for.@bellfreexx – thank you very much,@Carolina17 – I’ll keep you posted.@RogierFvV – Maybe you were one of the underappreciated people I was talking about.@jediwa72 – JESS!!! The power is back I see. They sent out search parties for you y’know. We were worried sick.@beringer5 – every little bit counts.@lil_squirrel4ever – Aww, you’re making me blush. Stop it. No keep going. No wait stop.

  16. I have noticed that Xanga had changed a lot since I left a few years ago, switching to MySpace and Facebook. Now I came back and the rendering of the home page surprises me, along with the private and public pages.

  17. Can I be an XFG accountant? I promise not to cheat or cut corners …please please please? I’ll fill coffee cups and write insignificant memos for a month, whatever the cost, I’m for Xanga!

  18. Oh god, don’t rape my puppy. I would love an autograph of MC Hammer’s on just about anything, though.And this is a pretty interesting idea. Let’s see if it takes off.

  19. Stop blogging about blogging.  Everyone.  Please.  So I can stop commenting about not blogging about blogging.  It’s an inefficient and unproductive use of time.

  20. Awesome post.  I love the parallels to the US bailout plan, and the section about Xanga whores.  XD  That was good.  You’re definitely right about the recommend.  I can tell you that and I’ve been gone for a while.  Of course, it was also a problem before.  (Though apparently it’s worse now?)  I wish you would create an XFG group and recommend good blog posts.  It’s always nice to have another source for good recommendations.

  21. We need the equivalent of a fly-swatter, so that when people log on and scream for attention on people’s blogs, it’ll be more like this:”Hey look at me!”*whack*”Hey look a..”*whack*”Hey…”*whack* *whack* *whack* *whack* *whack* *whack* *whack* *whack**twitch**whack*See? Problem solved! ๐Ÿ˜€

  22. It’s not so much who’s rec’ing, but who’s being rec’d. I’ve gotten 4 (yes, FOUR) recs on a post, and over 150 comments without being featured, and the people who rec’d weren’t of famous stature either. Someone once told me “I’m more likely to come to your site when I see your posts rec’d than any other site, because I know no matter who recommends you, it’s worth a read. But if it gets rec’d at all it’s definitly worth my time.” So it’s really more about content. If people write better content, nobody will have to complain about bad posts being recommended.

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