Alright everyone. It’s time for another round of Q and A with your favorite pimp and mine. Grab a pen and a pad, you are about to get schooled!
Ask a Pimp
Sup everyone. Glad to be back here gettin’ my blog on. I’d like to thank Dave for that most gracious of introduction and remind him that he owes me fifty bucks for doing this. I’m in a good mood righ now Dave. That’s the only reason you don’t have a palm mark across your face. Aight who’s got a question..
Q: PD, how do you feel about the ladies that like the other ladies? Any room on the application for that?WifeOfAGayHusband
A: Bitch what kind of silly ass question is that? Ladies that like other ladies are like JELLO, there’s alway room.
Q: PimpDave, how do you rotate your ho’s? do you have job fairs?
Well I am not one to give away trade secrets, but since it takes a very keen pimpin’ eye, and a steady pimphand to do what I do, I have no problem sharing this info with you. You won’t know how to capitalize and sieze the prize anyway.
Let’s tackle that first part. Well I don’t really rotate my hoes. I give them complete freedom to work as they please as. There are just certain conditions. They gots to be workin’ and they gots to ack right at all times. That’s it. There are certain exceptions to this though. Once in a while I get a girl so fine that I have to be careful how I handle her. I might lock her away for a while to keep my clients on their toes. Kind of like what Disney does with movies like Bambi or Snow White (I actually got two girls who go by those names). I gotta put certain hoes in the vault.
As for job fairs, no I don’t need to have no damn job fairs. It’s all about word of mouth playa. One chick comes to me and flourishes under my guidance than she tells one of her fine ass lady-friends, then she tells her friend. You get the picture. When I first started times were hard on a pimp. I had to put up a craigslist ad and everything. I also used to be on myspace alot. You know there’s always some hoes on myspace.
Q: Hey papa pimp…..do you think skinny hoe’s make more money than bigger hoe’s??suchapurdyface
A: I’m glad you asked this question. Many people think skinny hoes would be the money makers. This is actually a popular misconception. You see a skinny bitch is a dime a dozen. You turn on the TV, what do you see? Skinny bitch here, skinny bitch there. You flip through a magazine, skinny bitch here, skinny bitch there. People come to me for something different. For many of my regulars a thick sexy woman is much more attractive than some regular ole skinny bitch. They can take a lickin’ and keep on tickin’, if you know what I mean.
Besides, thick bitches usually can cook they ass off. I am not your conventional pimp. I urge my hoes to give their clients the full experience. Take care of them. Make em’ a sandwich, scrambles some eggs, bake a cake. That shit is sexy as all hell… This brings me to my next question…
Q: PimpDave, why won’t the woman make me a sammich? another_rebel_without_a_cause
A: I am not gonna lie to you man, I may not be able to help you with this one. Sounds like your lady may be the pimp in this relationship! See in order to get your woman to respect you, you have to be in touch with your inner pimp. This takes some work if you’ve never done it.
Do you wear cologne? If not go get you some. When is the last time you’ve been to a strip club? Head on down to one for lunch and go throw some singles at a bitch. Have you ever heard of Curtis Mayfield? If not get to know him. Try to listen to Curtis on vinyl or 8 Track if you can.
Oh and how do you ask for the sandwich? Do you use words like “please”, or “if it’s not too much trouble”? Next time just keep it simple. Try “Bitch go make me a sandwich!” or “Bitch, sandwich, now!”
Q: So say, hypothetically of course, another pimp was trying to move in on your territory…what would you do about it?TheJoyfulCynic
A: Ain’t no hypothetical about it. I can tell you from experience.
Back in my rookie pimpin’ days I would have had to cut another pimp if he was moving in on my territory. I always felt so disrespected, ya dig? But now that I’m older and wiser in my pimp ways, I have learned that there is no need for it. You see if I spend all my time beatin’ up on other pimps and their hoes, who is going to be left to beat my hoes? No one that’s who.
I’ve learned that if I train these women well enough there won’t be no need to worry about competition. So everytime I see some young pimp tryin’ to mack in my mackin’ area, I just laugh. My hoes ain’t goin’ nowhere. Why settle for beef jerky when you can have filet mignon? Betch you ain’t think I knew nothin’ about no filet mignon. That’s some classy shit right there.