The Xanga Elitists

I have read a lot of douchebag comments over the last few days, on my site as well as others. KrissyCole in particular had some real gems on her recently featured weblog (and hers was way more neutral than any of mine). As some of you may know I am sort of a defacto expert on douchebag comments. They are fascinating to me.

There are many kinds of douchebag comments out there. There’s the douchebag who is trying to be funny, but is not:

God, we gave you people reparation money – WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT – LeftWristTwist

The douchebag who did not even bother to read your post:

Not to be rude, but this is probably going to sound like that anyways. If you call George Bush a monkey, you can call President Obama a monkey. Just because someone thinks he looks like one, doesn’t mean they’re being racist. – Barby

The douchebag who just has to disagree with every single thing you said:

As for Respect.  The song is Ottis Reddings’.  He wrote it.  It’s his song.  Aretha Franklin merely performed it. – wolfe359

And last but not least, my favorite douchebag of all, the worst of the worst, the incredibly condescending douchebag who is gonna do their best to show everyone that they are smart and you are stupid:

The groundswell of popular opinion against the rampant liberal dictates and Obama’s concurrent decline in popularity is starting to shake up the powers that be.  Certainly, the cartoon is mild compared to the standard and hate-filled anti-Right fare you find almost everywhere else.  That the liberals, however, have responded to it with opposition bordering on hysteria indicates that they are very worried indeed… Thus, their intent to re-institute the “Fairness Doctrine” and, as we see, their skittishness whenever one lone newspaper exists to counter their near monopoly on the media.  For tyranny to flourish, it must control all aspects of public discourse.

BTW:  The liberal media is further showing its ongoing collusion in propaganda by deceitfully labelling the NY Post statement as an apology.  I’m sure we’ve all seen this kind of thing before.  We will again… many times. – STEVENPILL

So here is what Kriss and I decided to do. Instead of trying to think of some douch-ish reply to throw back at each and every one of these people, we have decided to just come out and say exactly what we feel. Blunt and to the point.

We are better than you douchebags! In every way. We are smarter, classier, and certainly more tactful. We are more articulate (no matter many SAT words you use), more interesting, and infinitely more well-liked. 

In short we are the xanga elite. We even made a group for it.

We are now accepting applications. – The Xang-Elitists

Sidenote – Top 10 albums that violate will be up today (hopefully).



  1. What a bunch of Douchenozzles.Good luck with the Xangan Elite. Considering I blog about people turning into goats I am not even going to apply. Sadly, I think I am the Xangan working man, just plugging away.

  2. I agree?Either way, if there’s an elitist sign up going on, I’ll throw my name down. I was accused of elitism for not “getting” the so-called “joke” of plagiarism. I think that qualifies.

  3. That’s an awesome idea. Show those idiots who the real cool people are. Please also include all the morons who go out of their way to be as offensive as possible just for the sake of it. I’ve got you backs!

  4. LOL! I don’t know that I have the skills to quality for the Xanga elite, but I will certainly be happy to read and learn.As for the comments, I love your response! I haven’t been on this site long, but I’ve seen the types you describe elsewhere. Apparently, they are annoying on all blogging sites. One random remark — it always amuses me when right-wing types whine about the supposed “liberal” media. After watching the media handle Bush with kid gloves as he committed crime after crime, I find myself a bit confused as to what those people actually expect — freedom of the press has already been trashed in the name of being pro-Bush over the past eight years. And, still, they whine that it’s too liberal. Strange.Sorry, a rant, and not especially related to your great blog, so I’ll stop there and say great response!

  5. It’s such a touchy subject and so many people just go way overboard.  I try to be so optimistic about how things should be that I am just so ignorant to how they really are.

  6. While I agree with the sentiment of this entry and it’s de facto posit that douchebags are an anti-orgasmic niche of the wanna be xanga elite, as a force of social darwinism they are needed so that somewhere, some guppies get devoured. This entry was also too long so I didn’t read it. I still think you’re completely wrong and unenlightened.Just kidding. Awesome post.

  7. “We are more articulate (no matter many SAT words you use), more interesting, and infinitely more well-liked.” *no matter HOW many SAT words you use

  8. lol…sometimes I wonder about the lives of people like you are referring to.  Do they think/talk/act that way outside Xanga?Great post.  Good idea about the elitist group.

  9. I would maybe be tempted to join in about douchebag posts that don’t deserve to be featured or in Top Blogs, but just today I got on Top Blogs for the first time.  Of course, it was for a post I never even considered as making Top Blogs!!!  So I guess now I’m just another damned elitist!!!  lol

  10. Krissy is one of my top five faves and so sweet,I hate when people are ignorant but she is one woman who can use a few words to put anyone in place if she wants to,she is as sharp as they come,she could blast anyone out of the water before they knew it but she is more reserved than that.It is a good woman who can kick someone’s ass when they deserve it but chooses to rise above it.

  11. While I’m not disagreeing (or agreeing) with any or all of this, I have to ask:Why the hate on the $5 words? I mean, one time a friend posted a sentence of mine on a pulse, and apparently it had too many of these words in it, and people wouldn’t shut up about what an egomaniac I must be. I honestly don’t see why utilizing an extensive vocabulary automatically means that the person is a douchebag. If their statement itself is douchebaggery, fine, but making it douchey simply because of the language used? That seems a bit extreme.Whatever.

  12. Douchebags multiply like mogwai. LOL Meh. I don’t know if I’m an elite-caliber blogger. I’m more like the kid who’s dad is the high school principal and therefore is shunned and envied at the same time, so he doesn’t really fit anywhere. But if you create it, I’ll join it. Might as well reaffirm the douchebag accusation of this non-existent clique we’re supposedly in.

  13. @Shy___Away – the problem is, at least in my opinion, that when people see it online they see it as someone who is puffing out their chest and throwing the “i take the time to fluff my sentences up with eloquent speech that makes you sound like a 5 year old child who was just scolded. now please get my a perrier water, servantboy, because claude and i are off to play a rousing match of tennis”. while the person might be intellectually gifted, the vast majority of the lozinternetz isnt exactly riding on the same level. its a complex sort of thing… no one likes to be talked down to, and thats how the manner of speaking comes off. [as a sidenote i dont find it offensive, but i realize that other people might and was simply trying to explain why]

  14. @Shy___Away – I have no problem with the 5$ words. I have a problem when people use 5$ words to mask the fact that they are really not saying shit. That is just me though. Alot of other people just feel that using those words makes you sound snobbish. I don’t automatically feel that way myself, just to be clear.@lyricsninja – well put.@SerenaDante – I’ll message you.

  15. People apparently like to be douchebags. No matter how many blogs people write about how hated they are, people still continue to be douchebags. Human nature, perhaps? But, you’re right. We are better than them. I had to laugh at your last douchebag example. It’s really funny how people assume that if they use big words, they sound more intelligent and therefore more respectable. Honestly, I think it just makes them sound insecure. They don’t really have a good point, so they hide their crappy stance with their large vocabulary. And ten bucks says, he used  

  16. haha, that last douchebag made me laugh. did he just go through the dictionary and pick out smart-sounding words to add in?? Xanga elite: Everyone that doesn’t hate everyone else and their opinions.

  17. ryc: Please, I make fun of all my friends in even worse ways. Hell, I’ve got a friend who’s gay and black, another one who’s a devout Christian, and now it’s SITCOM TIME

  18. your blogs are better everytime I visit. If you could please, slide a little talent my way (please?) that would be great. While metablogging sucks balls, you do it without us knowing its being done. Thank you.

  19. I hate when they post comments that don’t even have to do with the blog topic itself. I saw one blog the other day that got ripped a new one for making it to top blogs like it was the blogger’s fault she got there! So not cool.I am no Xanga elite yet- I’m merely sub elite, but you can be the judge of that.

  20. Yikes, I’ve got a many of those liberal hating comments, they really annoy me. Some guy got mad at me because I just deleted his comment instead of responding to it and willingly arguing with him. I like that list though and I totally agree with that bottom statement.

  21. @JigglyGumdrops – If you would have read all of the comments I am referring to you would realize that this is an extremely tame (and playful) response. @elgaberino – Pipe down you. You’ll have your chance to talk here a little later.@My_HAT_is_older_than_you – hmm. Whenever I come across you or one of your blogs I wonder why we don’t cross paths more often.@CanadianReflection – No hazing unless you Canadian… oh wait.@kad1190 – I like your definition.@Drakonskyr – I’d watch that sitcom in a heartbeat. Sounds like a FOX network program.@MidnightEpiphany – I am gonna let you answer your own question. What do you think?@LostInTheLyrics – just send a bribe with your app and you should be fine.

  22. You said something about experimenting with your blog, if I recall, last week sometime? Well, whatever you are doing, Im foaming at the mouth for the next post, and you’ve yet to dissapoint.

  23. I hate when people get online and grow huge Eballs… thinking it’s cool to say what every douchebaggy thing comes to mind. I wish they would keep there heads and stupid, rude thoughts up their OWN asses!!!

  24. Haha…oh dear.  A group to shout “I am better than you are!”I hope this is a huge joke that I’m not getting because it’s very high school regardless of how insensitive someone may be.  Who really decides who is better than someone else?

  25. @Kestryl – Thanks for calling out that typo for me hopckey puck. I didn’t know LeftWrist was your boyfriend. Its funny cause I seem to recall him feeling snubbed when I gave out the douchebag awards last year. I knew he wasn’t serious with that comment. It was still pretty douchey though.

  26. This is exactly why Xanga is starting to get on my nerves.  It seems like most people are only out to be popular and feed their egos.

  27. Dear Vanedave:  Am I to understand, then, that everyone who doesn’t toe your ideological line is a “douchebag” and who attempts to be articulate in his opinion is an “elitist”?  That pretty Elitist of you yourself, don’t you think?  Under those circumstances, I guess it’s a rare honor to be awarded a Top Douchebag rating from your site.  Personally, I don’t use terms like that… despite a lot of provocation!  I’m a Christian and a loyal American- and I try to live up to my values.  If our’s don’t co-incide in places… fine.  But it’s not my way to respond to news or criticism with knee-jerk denunciations.  I arrive at my opinions as a result of research and 58 years of some pretty diverse life experiences.  I don’t throw any of that in your face as self-satisfied elitism.  I’m merely pointing out that I have reasons for what I say and do.  BTW:  As a “graying Baby Boomer” (as they say!) I’ve accumulated enough skeletons in my closet to stuff the Roman Catacombs!  Part of the ongoing learning experience.   

  28. @STEVENPILL – If I am being honest, then I must say that you were not among the worst offenders. It was just that your comment came off in such a condescending manner. Not to say that was your intent, just telling you how it came across. This post was a culmination of the frustration I had over so many people who completely missed the mark on what I was talking about. You (along with many others) turned it into a debate on partisan politics. It had nothing to do with partisan politics. Al Sharpton did not affect my opinion. Neither did MSNBC, CNN, or FoxNews for that matter. These were my thoughts. Not the left wing’s thoughts, mine. I just felt like you went off on a very self-indungent and unnecessary tangent. Hence I branded it a douchebag comment. Now just to be clear, that does not mean I am calling you a douchebag (necessarily). I merely picked your comment as a representation of many comments I received in the same vein. Also be clear that I welcome differing opinions. Just sometimes after reading hundreds of comments, my patience wears thin for people I feel are trying to preach to me.

  29. @vanedave – You should see some of the comments I have to deal with!  No, I don’t blame you for being short at times.  We all have those moments.  The worst is when you see people (often kids) just blindly repeating the gist of what they’ve read or heard from some shallow and insipid news source.  That’s why I tend to be “wordy”.  I like to make my point as fully as possible… even when it runs against the grain of popular dogma.  For example, I don’t see that cartoon being as troubling as you do.  That the present government seems to be acting as responsibly as that crazed chimp in Connecticut doesn’t, to me, convey any racial ovetones.  Of course, I’m not black.  But, then again, I’ve never looked on blacks as being “anthropoid”.  Being a conservative white guy, however, I’ve been called “Neanderthal” my share of times!  I brush it off and carry on.  My point is this:  Those who try to discredit an opinion by personal attack are people whose opinions don’t really count.  (I don’t include you in this.)  Also:  We need to be careful in not looking for offense where none might be intended.  Otherwise, with all the contentious issues that are in play right now, we’ll all be in a continual state of agitation.     

  30. Very nice.  *puts on powdered wig*  A certain SNL skit is going throughmy mind right now.  I did not know that I could raise such ire!  Meh,looking back at it I suppose it was a bit gratuitous.  I got caught upin my post and didn’t see the flipside of the musical comment sincemusic now-a-days isn’t performed by the writers all that much.  But youdid ask the question.  It caught my eye, and I answered it.  The topicof the post was also a hot-button issue, and we happen to be onopposite sides.  Sorry if my comments were offensive to you, but thatwasn’t the intent 

  31. Dear Vanedave and Wolfe:  On the subject of Otis Redding.  It’s always been amazing to me at how little recognition he seems to get these days.  He was, to soul music, what Buddy Holly was to early rock.  Like him, that prolific career was cut short by a plane crash.  Just recently, the 50th anniversary of the deaths of Holly, Ritchie Laurens and Big Bopper (Bill Richardson) was given play in the press.  Otis seems to have been forgotten by many.  Yet, when I was in high school, it was almost impossible to turn on either a Top Forty or Soul Music radio station and not find “Sittin’ On The Dock Of The Bay” playing.  It must have been the most popular and enduring song of that time.  I recall that one TV station had the crassness to air a film of his body being pulled from Lake Mendota (in Madison WI) after the crash… showing his face as it came out of the water.  Back then, critics used to refer to television as “The Vast Wasteland”.  This is why.  And it’s only gotten worse!  Maybe it’s time we saw movies about Richardson and Redding instead of these non-stop comix characters.  They have real life stories worth telling.

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