The Fight for Equality

So many good things happen in March. We get an hour back in the day, we start to thaw out from winter (hopefully), and of course there is the NCAA College Basketball Tournament. But with all the excitement March brings I still cannot help but dread it’s coming each year. For March is also Women’s History Month. (Here is where I lose 90% of my readership)

See don’t get me wrong, I love the ladies. They rev my engine. But Women’s History Month is nothing more than a 31 day smack in the face to me as a man. It’s a blatant example of how men have become second class citizens in this country. Now ladies before you start burning bras in a hormonal fit of rage consider the following.

Women have it made in the shade. You fought long and hard for equality and now look at you. You can vote, you can get any job you want, and two of you came close to the presidency this year (remember is McCain is old. Palin could have damn well been the next Pres). Women have made some truly great strides. So great in fact that they have sailed past equality and into the realm of superiority. It is men who are now on the wrong side of the equality see-saw, with you women keeping us suspended in the air like some wimpy little skinny kid.

See when it comes to rights, men and women are the same. But ask yourself if that is fair. Men should have more rights if only to balance against all the privileges women enjoy just for being women. What’s that? You want to know what privileges I am speaking of? Okay here’s a list;

– Women have breasts which can be used to get out of tickets, get higher grades on papers, get jobs, and pay for things. Men have hairy nipples.

– Women can listen to any type of music and not be called a homo. When is the last time you heard a guy openly admit he likes Sarah McLaughlin? You know there’s gotta be a few straight guys who like her.

– You are not supposed to hit a woman no matter how much of a bitch she is being. If a man so much as farts at you sideways you have free reign to kick the crap out of him.

– If it is cold outside, I am obligated to give you my jacket and catch pneumonia, just so you won’t be the least bit chilly.

– Ever heard this on the radio? “…and remember this Saturday at Club Cool is Guys Night! Guys free all night long. Ladies reduced amission till 9:15. First fifty fellas will receive free tickets to some awesome concert.”

– In case of a disaster it’s always women and children first. If anyone is going to get killed by that tornado it’s going to be someone with a penis! (well a full grown penis at least.)

– Women have Lifetime, Lifetime Movie Network, Oxygen, SoapNet, E!, and ABC, while men just have SpikeTV!

– Every month women everywhere get free license to act like they got no friggin sense at all for 3-5 days and men everywhere are supposed to be caring and patient throughout the whole process. EVERY MONTH! 

– As a matter of fact, women can also get pregnant. Which means they get to be waited on hand and foot while acting like total bitches for nine months. Sweet deal if you ask me.

– If you start a fight with some 800 pound goliath, I am supposed to step in and take that beating for you.

Is my point starting to sink in yet?… Good.

So let me ask you women, is it too much to ask that you do all the cooking and cleaning if it is understood that if a ball of flame were ever coming at us, I would have to use my body to shield you from it? I think that is a pretty fair shake. Is it fair to say that since women can use their boobs as credit cards, they can afford to make 4/5 of what we make? I think that is reasonable. And finally is it fair that women get a whole month to be revered and honored when we spend all year doing so anyway? I didn’t think so.

Mancouch here I come!

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125 comments

  1. Men also don’t have to carry around a child inside of them for 9 months, then expel that child through their reproductive bits during a very painful and usually quite prolonged labour. While you’re ‘waiting on us hand and foot’, you can also still run off and get a beer with your friends. Or stifle your pains with a glass of whiskey. That’s right, we can’t drink for NINE FUCKING MONTHS, ’cause otherwise we’re responsible for whatever FAS-kid gets pushed out of our ladybits nine months later.

  2. Even men should be able to be proud of the fight for suffrage, equal pay, and equal recognition both societally and under the laws.I’m ashamed that I even gave this a “view.” Even if you’re joking, you do it so distastefully.

  3. @Kestryl – What are you complaining about? You get to experience a miracle! The closest thing I’ve ever come to a miracle was being able to sit through a whole episode of Project Runway without shooting myself.@antisoccermom – you better appreciate it damnit. I would do so many things with boobs. The possibilities are endless.

  4. ^^The person above me….could make your douchebag awards….they even left you 0 eprops LMAOLMAO! This is classic mancouch material son……Your tag of “The Notebook blows” kills me lolTornados killin full grown penises…that’s just wrong…Bit of devil advocate playing: Ya kno, someone could of made this same argument about Black History Month lol…just had to make the reference before someone else did it

  5. @vanedave – let’s start with the part about how “[the ladies] rev [your] engine.” Because clearly that’s all women are good for, that and making sandwiches. Or, as the curvature blog pointed out today “What’s the point in a woman you can’t fuck?” You think a “31 day smack in the face” is bad, try over 100 years of being treated as property who couldn’t vote; even slaves got suffrage before women did. “It’s a blatant example of how men have become second classcitizens in this country” Bullshit — up until the Ledbetter Act was passed women made 70 cents on the dollar to men for comparable work; and now it’s just a law, no actual progress in that department has been made. Men don’t have to fight for rights to control their own reproductive systems — hell insurance will cover cialis and viagra, but not birth control or emergency abortions. Point made yet?

  6. so basically You want to run around with large tatas you can flash police officers with, scream hysterically for 3-5 days a month, watch crappy tv, listen to queerbag songs, get free drinks & whine? damn, didn’t know there was so much to be jealous of. you should talk to trannies & queens, they already know the deal:)p.s. you got the whining part down pat.p.s. you’re totally right about the readership thing.p.s. but that notebook tag is fuck-funny. 

  7. the backlash you may get from this will more than make up for this not being featured… if it’s not.hey, we get ESPN, ESPN2, and ESPN360.  don’t be such a martyr.nice tags.  haha.

  8. @RaVnR – I think we do appreciate that, there was just a humor to it that you’re just taking all the wrong way…SpikeTV is whack… I’ll stick to my ESPN (Not b/c I just work for them… LOL)D

  9. Oh Dave… you are a funny guy. I think this post is brilliant, wanna know why….because at least one man finally got it! Being a woman is frackin awesome. Its right up there next to being black.  Everyone wants to be one or the other or both….(double points for those out there that want to be black women!) So now that you know how this thing works, no lame excuses anymore! you know the drill. Who’s the real B*T@H! lmbo.smh…(imma be coment lurking like a mofo!)luv ya fats.

  10. Uh, not all of the women get the perks of having boobs. Case in point: me.All of these advantages are largely the creation of men: either for being horny toads (eg the boobs), being insecure in their rigid definition of masculinity (eg the music) or otherwise being a holdover from the THOUSANDS of years men held sovereignty.Men, I think it’s a small price to pay.

  11. this is the truth…………i want a guy to take care of me, and i will take care of them.   i don’t need to be equal to you, whoever thought up women should work is insane.  i am perfectly fine…..cooking, cleaning, and whatever else.  the working world sucks!!!!!!!   men make some money, i will do everything else for you…….

  12. @RaVnR – nobody’s depreciating women, I certainly know I’m not… if you didn’t like the post, you didn’t have to comment, plain and simple… stop being a Negative NancyD

  13. Yes, from my teenage pregnancy and single-motherhood to my frequent blood stains and various menstral humiliations, from my heart being broken into a billion smushed up pieces by a man to always thinking I’m not pretty enough and am too fat, every experience in the female spectrum is an absolute priviledge. I have been soooooo damn lucky to have been born female. Thanks for reminding me.

  14. Yeaaaah. Some people are gonna be real sensitive about this one. Just tell them to come back and comment when they’re not PMSing. (Haha, I’ll probably get a bunch of response comments to that. It’s a joke people, calm down) By the way, that once a month thing is 5-7 days. And I didn’t even know there was a Women’s History Month? What have I been missing out on? Boobs, ftw!

  15. – Women have breasts which can be used to get out of tickets, get higher grades on papers, get jobs, and pay for things. Men have hairy nipples. I have never gotten out of a ticket, and I’m not completely lost when it comes to my breast size, professors are usually either female or gay…so men have a better chance at getting good grades based on sexuality (i have 4 brothers…i know), and I know of NO ONE who checks out the hair-quantity on a male at a job interview.– Women can listen to any type of music and not be called a homo. When is the last time you heard a guy openly admit he likes Sarah McLaughlin? You know there’s gotta be a few straight guys who like her. –women are brutalized for “not knowing” who so and so is..and if we listened to Metalica all day you would probably assign us to anger management. – You are not supposed to hit a woman no matter how much of a bitch she is being. If a man so much as farts at you sideways you have free reign to kick the crap out of him. please. this rule no longer exists… and.. what does it mean to “fart at you sideways”?!– If it is cold outside, I am obligated to give you my jacket and catch pneumonia, just so you won’t be the least bit chilly.Also, obsolete. No girl should ever ask that, if she’s dumb enough to walk around in the cold without a jacket she can get the pneumonia herself.– Ever heard this on the radio? “…and remember this Saturday at Club Cool is Guys Night! Guys free all night long. Ladies reduced amission till 9:15. First fifty fellas will receive free tickets to some awesome concert.” that’s because what man goes to a club to be seen!? you go to pick up chics and how are you going to pick up chicks if there are no women around?? It’s a FAVOR to you, to have that deal, it’s more options….– In case of a disaster it’s always women and children first. If anyone is going to get killed by that tornado it’s going to be someone with a penis! (well a full grown penis at least.) there is no future in procreation if only men survive…HELLLLOOOOOOO– Women have Lifetime, Lifetime Movie Network, Oxygen, SoapNet, E!, and ABC, while men just have SpikeTV! who are we fooling!??! Spike kicks lifetime and all the rests butts..by a mile. stop complaining. you know that all women wish we had a Wspike…– Every month women everywhere get free license to act like they got no friggin sense at all for 3-5 days and men everywhere are supposed to be caring and patient throughout the whole process. EVERY MONTH! That is your vacation time!!! it’s called move the heck out and party with your boys.– As a matter of fact, women can also get pregnant. Which means they get to be waited on hand and foot while acting like total bitches for nine months. Sweet deal if you ask me.ORRRR they can run off, and leave you with a kid! – If you start a fight with some 800 pound goliath, I am supposed to step in and take that beating for you.please.. when has this every happened!? to anyone!?Listen the fact of the matter is, with “equality” should come equality…. But lets face it, most women don’t think that way.. And all the wonderful things we do for you, could be repayed with a little genteel behavior. p.s. I’m a woman… I didn’t even know it was Women’s History Month….

  16. @mrsprosa – this coming from a proud housewife no less!@Fairywife – haha. that PMS comment actually passed through my mind. Then I thought, you know I don’t want to drive anyone to actually murder me.@LucyWrites – Hey many people enjoy Valerie Bertinelli and Delta Burke. Oh almost forgot Ricki Lake.@Kontzicles – So in short you’re saying you agree with me.

  17. Hilarious, as always. I wish people didn’t have huge sticks up their butts all the time and appreciated some humor every once in awhile. Ducktape is right though, one hater isn’t too bad. But its only been an hour and a half… Okay, make that two haters…

  18. Wait, there’s a women’s history month? Why did I not know this? I mean, to just have to pay attention to their whininess for one month and then ignore them the rest of the year? Sign me up for that!

  19. Wow…I’m slightly shocked you came outright and made all those points but at the same time, I do find some humour (rather funny at that) in all the points because it’s true. I’m not even gonna lie, I feel sorry for men every now and then. Lol. Then again, you still have your benefits of being male which trumps being female sometimes.

  20. Dave, I just thought I’d let you know that I let my husband read this. After he read it he picked me up, set me in the kitchen and said “this is where you belong”. Hahaha!

  21. all i got to say in response to this blog is that …we bleed and are in pain for 7 days we give birth…we will never have it made in the shade my friend.. lol never…. until u create a pill that eliminates all that.. never forever.

  22. haha I would join in the bra burning but mine is very needed where it is!Come on now you guys and suck it up and be second class citizens for one month since we have the remaining 11 months.Besides chances are we are gonna get pulled over for speeding by a woman cop who will take offense at our big boobs and write us up a double ticket just to prove to the guys that she is tough!  And we all know a tough woman is really just a bitch in a mans eye.

  23. Aww, nab! Your points lean toward the conservative side, Dave! I expected some reference to at least a few of the following:- Being permanently excused from all manual labor (it’s too high, it’s too heavy, it’s too… [insert adjective] for me…)- PMS being admissible in court- Having 10X the amount of clothing and accessories- Inherently better credit…and the list goes on!

  24. @RaVnR – and @vanedave – Now that I’ve seen both sides of this I have to say that I can understand if a woman finds this offensive.  The fact that a girl can use her boobs to get benefits, might sometimes be true, but really people have told me I’m priviledged because I’m a white male, but I’m not willing to take advantage of that by joining the kinds of clubs that still think white men own the world (the kind George Bush is a part of).  So, I don’t really have those advantages, and a self-respecting woman doesn’t either.  And a woman that isn’t by societies standards “pretty enough” doesn’t either.  If women are to rely on those advantages, that IS like saying a woman has to be good looking.  And there’s no proof that any man is really going to sacrifice himself to protect a girl either.  She could be dead before she realized that’s true, and all this time she had been paying 30% of the wages she could have had (and doing a lot of dishes).  That’s like an insurance policy that doesn’t pay, like most don’t.  I even didn’t expect the rev my engine reference to be offensive, but in context it was.  “don’t get me wrong, I love women, they rev my engine”?  Yeah, thats the only value you see in them, is what that says.(that said, Ron White, the comedian, said he loves women, especially drunk women, and it was funny when he said it)Hey, I’m not saying the post wasn’t supposed to be humor.  I’m just saying she wasn’t wrong about the implications here.  It may be funny (but actually – when you try risky material like this it HAS to be funny or you get the kind of response that you did, so maybe it wasn’t funny enough – just sayin’), but its also sexist.    Look, I’m not going to stop reading.  I like a good debate.  And you did make some good points about the limitations of being male.  We do have less freedom to “be ourselves” than women.  Women can wear pants, but a man in a dress gets a hell of a lot a shit (unless he’s a scottish rugby player that can kick your ass or die trying).  So let me just say that I am heterosexual and I do like Sarah McLaughlin.  Whew, that was liberating.  Thanks, to both of you.  I’ve learned something here today.

  25. I would gladly pass the childbearing torch to you ungrateful men.  GLADLY!  You try squeezing something the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of a lemon…..not to mention to pains and heartaches that follow.  You are a brave soul my dear fats, a brave soul indeed.  We women might get the 3-5 days a month to act like, hmmm how did you put it again, we have no friggin sense; but what is every man’s excuse to act that way the other 23-28 days of the month???

  26. OK, so I have to bring a correction to the table… It’s more like a 3-9 day thing, because for a lot of women I know the day before it starts is hellish and it takes like an extra 2-3 days to really finish up. Sorry for the TMI, but let’s keep it accurate.I’m happy to say I saw the humor and I empathize with your frustrations, lol. But hey, if you’re a pretty good guy then these should all be non-issues for you. There are pros and cons to both sexes, but I will say that when it comes to the visual side of things, the prettiest boy in the world ain’t got nothin’ on the beauty of a woman. That’s our corner. :p~V

  27. @Millsanicole – See now this is the type of response I was looking for. A good amount of bitchines, with a touch of humor. And of course contempt for men. Well done Mills. You got the point of this. To start a good old fashioned, good natured gender war.Now go make me a sandwich. It’s lunchtime.

  28. Almost forgot, this is one woman who would never give being pregnant or giving birth over to a man. You can’t have it, that experience is mine. I’m not one to get high off of pain or anything like that, but as you said, it’s a miracle. It’s totally worth the pain. I’d take the aches and pains of pregnancy/childbirth over the pain of having sex for the first time any day. Ugh.(Oh crap, that sounds like I don’t like sex… Haha, I do, no worries…)

  29. @vanedave – Oh, now I’m torn.  Of course I feel the need to rebel and tell you to go make your own damn sandwich; but my motherly instincts are kicking in and forcing me to ask you white or wheat bread today?!?!?

  30. Okay, I agree with everything except the TV and pregnancy.  Because, don’t even act like sports don’t take over basic channels…plus you have ESPN.  Granted, I’m gonna join in on the sports…but that’s beside the point, cause you know those beer commercials are targeted to the men.Pregnancy…I was not waited on.  But even if I were waited on…it would not have made 3 weeks of labor and a near miscarriage any less painful.  Our hips spread, our bodies get all misshapen, we have round ligament pains, migraines, vomiting…and I could keep this list going.  Your argument is a big ol’ FAIL on this one.Also, Mr. Skidmarks, we women have to wash your undies, clean the house, have our boobs sucked on by babies, make your dinner, go to the grocery, and use our get out of a ticket free card…all day…EVERYDAY.  You only have to block the hypothetical tornados and Goliaths ONCE…if ever.Oh, and last I checked.  y’all can yank a little something something out and pee at your convenience…we, not so much.But, I will tell you what, you let me know when blood starts squirting from your vagina, milk starts spraying across the room from you nipples or soaking down your shirt in a public place…and then we’ll talk about EQUALITY.  I’ve never heard the like.Now, get in the kitchen and bake me a cake…NAO!

  31. @Millsanicole – haha. that made me giggle. Wheat please.@Ghost0402 – I’m all about spreading awareness.@jediwa72 –  But childbirth is a miracle. A miracle that only women get to partake in. How’s that for sexism?Also I don’t have a vagina for blood to squirt out of, or breasts for kids to suck on so there.Oh and how did you know about my skidmirks? That’s just creepy.@Pieces_of_a_Melody – the women’s channels do have awful programming. Except for Golden Girls of course.

  32. And to think I thought I got good grades because I studied harder than everybody else and actually got the right answers on exams… If I had known that it was all because of the boobs, I would have stopped studying such a long time ago. *sigh* I wasted such a big part of my life. I’m sad now.

  33. Yeah but there are bad things that come with all of these things.  Big boobs lead to back problems and being pregnant leads to pushing a 7 pound thing out of your vagina.  It’s not all fun and games!

  34. id just like to say, we’re not all blessed with glorious boobage that will allow for those perks …. that being said, you’re awesome. what a great way to break the boredom of work :)as for everyone else who finds this offensive, get a sense of humor.

  35. I watch far more SpikeTV than any of those other boring channels. I’ve never used my boobs to get out of a ticket. That’s because my husband drives everywhere, and I’m holding the pie I made in the kitchen for him while I was bare footed.I can’t believe there’s people out there taking this seriously!

  36. I had no idea there was a Women’s History Month – weird.At any rate, all the perks you list are just tit for tat for all the perks males enjoy on a daily basis so let’s call it square and get back to bitching about salary-ceilings and periods…

  37. @vanedave – Spreading awareness is great, is people actually cared.  Me, I’ve got more important things to keep track of, like Obama giving my hard earned money to people who don’t deserve it.

  38. This is pretty ignorant, you know. You’re deluding yourself if you think men are the second class citizens. Look at our government. I could go on, but I’m so tired of explaining these things to people who don’t bother educating themselves.

  39. Yea there shouldn’t be a women’s history month and there also shouldn’t be a black history month while we’re at it. I understand that both parties ONCE had it harder in this world and had to suffer but it’s not like that anymore (well in most cases). If women were really proud of what we’ve accomplished then you don’t need a freaking month to brag about it also. Show some modesty damnit. Here’s a little feedback for some things on your list…my boyfriend listens to whatever kind of music he likes and I’m glad he does it freely because it shows he’s secure with his masculinitywell passing gas is natural so there’s nothing disgusting or gross about it. women shouldn’t have the right to hit a guy either unless it’s in self-defense or they’re just play fightingif it was cold outside I wouldn’t want you to give me your jacket. are you fucking stupid it’s cold?! just hold me close and keep me warm :)guys definitely have more than just spiketv. i would list them but i don’t know them since i don’t watch emi’m too lazy to write more of my feedback so bye

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