So many good things happen in March. We get an hour back in the day, we start to thaw out from winter (hopefully), and of course there is the NCAA College Basketball Tournament. But with all the excitement March brings I still cannot help but dread it’s coming each year. For March is also Women’s History Month. (Here is where I lose 90% of my readership)
See don’t get me wrong, I love the ladies. They rev my engine. But Women’s History Month is nothing more than a 31 day smack in the face to me as a man. It’s a blatant example of how men have become second class citizens in this country. Now ladies before you start burning bras in a hormonal fit of rage consider the following.
Women have it made in the shade. You fought long and hard for equality and now look at you. You can vote, you can get any job you want, and two of you came close to the presidency this year (remember is McCain is old. Palin could have damn well been the next Pres). Women have made some truly great strides. So great in fact that they have sailed past equality and into the realm of superiority. It is men who are now on the wrong side of the equality see-saw, with you women keeping us suspended in the air like some wimpy little skinny kid.
See when it comes to rights, men and women are the same. But ask yourself if that is fair. Men should have more rights if only to balance against all the privileges women enjoy just for being women. What’s that? You want to know what privileges I am speaking of? Okay here’s a list;
– Women have breasts which can be used to get out of tickets, get higher grades on papers, get jobs, and pay for things. Men have hairy nipples.
– Women can listen to any type of music and not be called a homo. When is the last time you heard a guy openly admit he likes Sarah McLaughlin? You know there’s gotta be a few straight guys who like her.
– You are not supposed to hit a woman no matter how much of a bitch she is being. If a man so much as farts at you sideways you have free reign to kick the crap out of him.
– If it is cold outside, I am obligated to give you my jacket and catch pneumonia, just so you won’t be the least bit chilly.
– Ever heard this on the radio? “…and remember this Saturday at Club Cool is Guys Night! Guys free all night long. Ladies reduced amission till 9:15. First fifty fellas will receive free tickets to some awesome concert.”
– In case of a disaster it’s always women and children first. If anyone is going to get killed by that tornado it’s going to be someone with a penis! (well a full grown penis at least.)
– Women have Lifetime, Lifetime Movie Network, Oxygen, SoapNet, E!, and ABC, while men just have SpikeTV!
– Every month women everywhere get free license to act like they got no friggin sense at all for 3-5 days and men everywhere are supposed to be caring and patient throughout the whole process. EVERY MONTH!
– As a matter of fact, women can also get pregnant. Which means they get to be waited on hand and foot while acting like total bitches for nine months. Sweet deal if you ask me.
– If you start a fight with some 800 pound goliath, I am supposed to step in and take that beating for you.
Is my point starting to sink in yet?… Good.
So let me ask you women, is it too much to ask that you do all the cooking and cleaning if it is understood that if a ball of flame were ever coming at us, I would have to use my body to shield you from it? I think that is a pretty fair shake. Is it fair to say that since women can use their boobs as credit cards, they can afford to make 4/5 of what we make? I think that is reasonable. And finally is it fair that women get a whole month to be revered and honored when we spend all year doing so anyway? I didn’t think so.
Mancouch here I come!