Bitches, Bitching, and BitchAssedness

I just want to say for the record that Seedsower, Saintvi, and Ciaobella810 are all the man. (Yeah I know that made no sense, but you got the point!) They inspired this post.

How to Disagree

I have written some posts on some pretty touchy subjects in the past few weeks. Racism, religion, sexism, the Xanga Caste System. With each of these posts I expected people to disagree with me. I happily debated many of you. But some of you just don’t know how to disagree. There is a right way and a wrong way to go about it. Allow me to illustrate. (All of these are made up examples):

Initial Statement: Lil Wayne is the worst thing to happen to music since the Beatles broke up.
Acceptable Reply: Lil Wayne is not all that bad. His music may not appeal to you, but there are plenty who he strikes a real chord with.
Fail Reply: Lil Wayne is the greatest rapper ever shit for brains. Go take your Beatles records and shove them directly up your ass.

Initial Statement: The Stimulus Plan may not seem like such a good idea at the moment, but eventually we’ll look back and be thankful that it passed.
Acceptable Reply: I believe the stimulus plan is a huge mistake. The money is being used to bail out companies who continue to operate their businesses with the same mindset that put them in the hole in the first place. The need for oversight is greater than the need for a bailout.
Fail Reply: You commie, socialist asshole. Why don’t you do this country a favor and just die. The stimulus plan was written by Satan himself. You’d have to be some kind of idiot not to see that.

Initial Statement: I can’t believe Slumdog Millionaire won best picture. Paul Blart Mall Cop was robbed!!!
Acceptable Reply: Slumdog Millionaire was an excellent movie. If you haven’t seen it, I suggest you do so. You might be pleasantly surprised.
Fail Reply: How dare you! I loved Slumdog Millionaire. Your mother is a smelly pirate hooker!

Do you guys see the difference now? In case you are still having trouble with this, I have taken the liberty of making a comment template for those of you who struggle with being civil. Just follow this template and you’ll never go wrong.

Dear (insert screen name),

I disagree with your views on (insert topic). This is because (insert reason for disagreement). The way I see it (insert your opinion on subject matter only. Not on the person, just on the subject matter). Thanks for writing this. I’ve enjoyed discussing this with you.

Hope this is helpful to you xanga. Then again, what the hell do I know about not offending people?

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104 comments

  1. LOL, I absolutely love the trend of calling out xangans who people disagree with, especially when it’s me. It’s dumb, though, because they always go off on a rant instead of providing a valid opinion.

  2. your mother is a smelly pirate hooker? really dave…LMBO….I don’t have much of a voice and my laugh sounds so nasty…but i cant stop. I will enforce that template…

  3. Excellent advice.  I certainly hope that all the children copy and paste your template or atleast bookmark this page.

  4. thank you!   i don’t understand why people bother with that crap.   what kind of argument is that?This is basically it in standard form:1. I disagree with you2. you’re fat3. therefore you’re wrong

  5. I have taken the best of all three replies and come up with this:You commie, socialist asshole. Why don’t you do this country a favor and just die, shit for brains. Your mother is a smelly pirate hooker!I will now copy/paste this into every blog post on Xanga, and say you sent me! Thanks Dave!

  6. Brother, you said it all.  It’s the personal attacks that just prove the ignorance of the commentor.  They can’t constructively discuss their alternate views so they have to bring you down a few pegs by insulting you first and never addressing the issue at hand second!  It’s like dropping profanity in a debate.  You completely invalidate your side by doing so!If more people followed your advice, we’d have much healthier dialog and possible more indepth blogs out there to read as people branch out to expand on their own ideas.@mrsprosa – I’m going to remind you of that for YEARS.  

  7. this is actually a good idea. i’m going to send idiot commenters this link everytime i see their stupid, rude comments infect my computer screen. i don’t see why people who disagree with someone’s opinion decide they need to personally attack them. but you, sir, are a genius.

  8. Very good idea. It’s a good thing, though, that a) I’m not popular and b) I don’t write controversial things, because then I might have to deal with nasty commenters. Haha this was rather well put though

  9. I’m suddenly having flashbacks to 7th grade health class and “I feel” statements (“When you such and such, I feel such and such because such and such”). Actually good advice, but I just felt corny and stifled by using a template. Ah well.And I agree that those ladies are “the man”. Saintvi won Xanga tonight.

  10. I love this whole post!! The template is ingenious  and your fail replies made me laugh,they sound right like you got the off of youtube! Those replies kill me I read them for entertainment.

  11. @epitomeof_aberrance – lol. I thought I’d sneak those in.@mrsprosa – haha. I’ve got news for you, smelly pirate hookers are not glamorous.@saintvi – lol. I don’t think it’ll pass.@TheJoyfulCynic – haha. Go for it. I am proud to be a part of that.@SladeTheGreyFox – I can’t tell you how many posts I wrote yearning for some real debate. People just get all mad at the drop of a hat instead. So I am forced to hand them thier ass on a platter. It just goes on like that. It’s a viscious cycle.@kad1190 – Use it as much as you need. I got your back.@seedsower – all for you…and saintvi… and terri.@FallenReign – thanks. In case you ever want to  start writing controversial stuff hope this comes in handy.@randomneuralfirings – she did indeed. No argument here.@iamthebella – feel free.

  12. When people get emotional they seem to revert to some seven year old-mindset where all they can conjure up is some low level insult that has nothing to do with your original post.  I never delete those comments–just leave them up for everybody to see.

  13. I always forget to rec when I leave a comment and I have to come back later when I remember. I’m really glad that happened because I just noticed your tags. You are too funny!

  14. Dear (vanedave),I disagree with your views on (Bitches, Bitching and Bitchassedness). This is because (it is insensitive to angry and/or dumb bloggers). The way I see it (you should never write anything that upsets even one person, evar). Thanks for writing this. I’ve enjoyed discussing this with you.

  15. Dear (ASSHOLE),I disagree with your views on (ASSHOLE). This is because (ASSHOLE). The way I see it (ASSHOLE). Thanks for writing this. I’ve enjoyed discussing this with you.——- Haha! I’m kidding … or am I? Hilarious post … very true too, Some of us don’t have tact in arguing … or brains 😉

  16. Saintvi does rock!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love her. I came back for the same reason she did ,I forgot to rec it!  And I am wondering….did we inspire this post because we know how to be disagreeable?

  17. You know, we Smelly Pirate Hookers find this very offensive. The women in my family have a long tradition of being Smelly Pirate Hookers, and we’re damn proud of it! So there! Nyah! As for not identifying idiots by name (ie: douchenozzle, asshat, and other appropriate terms) … I’m sorry, Dave, I can’t do that.

  18. @CanadianBroad – Oh this was not about replying to idiots. See if someone is being an idiot then i say call em out. You know I won’t hesitate to do that.The politeness is reserved only for those who are respectful to you.

  19. I love how the first part of the post seems to amiable… offering advice, even pre-formatting future comments. And then you get to the very last sentence and the laugh you’ve been holding in the whole time just bursts out.Thanks for the laugh 🙂

  20. Dear (vanedave),I disagree with your views on (smelly pirate hookers). This is because (not all smelly pirates are hookers). The way I see it (all hookers are smelly anyway). Thanks for writing this. I’ve enjoyed discussing this with you.

  21. Dear Vandave,I disagree with your views on disagreeing “correctly” This is because I believe the internet serves as a place for people to be rude and ignorant when they so choose. The way I see it by suggesting otherwise you are attempting to limit their freedom of speech . Thanks for writing this. I’ve enjoyed discussing this with you.p.s your mother is a smelly pirate whore.

  22. Ha!I completely disagree with this post.Unless I’m going to enroll back in English grammar or something, I would not want anyone to tell me HOW to reply.That is a violation of freedom of speech! Besides, as long as a person doesn’t put a lot of F words or S words or the BS words in his/her reply, then I’ll accept it.

  23. PS: I enjoy bending the rules a little. This is what makes me oh-so-different from the rest of the xangans out here.  If someone is going to teach us what and how to say it, maybe that someone should build a school for robots. That way, we can all talk and say the same things.And speaking of being civil, what’s up with your title? “Bitches, Bitching, and BitchAssedness

  24. I know I’ve been guilty of disagreeing in a rather rude/improper way (though not on Xanga & not for quite some time). Now, though… I’m usually too lazy or too nervous to post something when I disagree.This is helpful though, even if simply to to set up an acceptable disagreement and not that “OMG UR SO STUPID!!!” crap I always see people doing. (I’m an internet lurker. Yep. I just watch.)

  25. Dear Vanedave:  “Smelly-pirate-hooker”??  My God; I just live for comments like that!  It’s amazing the expressions that six year old mentalities can come up with.  I’ll say this about “Mall Cop”; it’s a classic case of lowbrow humor that’s hated by the critics and loved by the public.  The bulk of syndicated reviewers aim their remarks more at Hollywood (for approval!) than they do at us common moviegoers.  This is where the gap shows.  It’s always been that way, though.  There are only a handful of them whose opinions I’ve come to respect.Your illustration of how to present comments is well taken.  When posters present comments that are obviously knee jerk reactions (as opposed to deliberation) and are in an illiterate form besides, how can they expect anyone to take them seriously?  Except, of course, by other jabbering kids of their ilk.  Thank God I went through school when English, grammar and public speaking were still serious subjects. 

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