Here is some news for everyone. Being the “bigger man” sucks. It’s not easy at all to do, yet time and time again I am thrust into this role.
Just for once I want to be the person who gets to act a damn fool and then have everyone excuse my behavior as an act of compulsion or misguided youth. When do I get to be the “smaller man”? You know the one who goes about his business like he did nothing wrong. Who the “bigger man” has to forgive no matter how fucked up shit got. Who never seems to have to humble himself at all.
Why the hell do people assume that just because I am capable of being the “bigger man” that I want to take that role. I don’t want to damnit. I am tired. Maybe if for once I just flip out and create a shitstorm of drama, people will stop assuming that I will not react adversely to all their bullshit. A little unbridled violence never hurt anyone right? Tell me I’m right on this or I’ll bash your face in damnit. I’ll do it. Remember, I am “bigger” than you.
In the end I don’t really need anyone to tell me anything. When that mirror is held up and I catch a glance of myself I realize what everyone else does. I am cursed with sense. I can’t do fun stuff like beating the crap out of people for no really good reason. I am the guy who tries to tell you how fucked up you are while you are still smacking me in the face.
Well, I might be exaggerating a bit. It’s a rant. Hyperbole is a key ingredient.
My Dad said something to me yesterday while I was telling him how much of a hypocrite he was;
Me: Dad you know good and well you would have beat the crap out of him. Why the hell is it that I am looked at crossways when I say I should have kicked his ass?
Dad: Cause you are a better man than I am.
What are you gonna say in response to that? Game, set, match. Swallow the pride and be the “bigger man”.