In case you didn’t know this about me, I am a New Yorker. Born and raised baby! Now there are many cool things about being a New Yorker. I can find virtually any type of food imaginable within a 20 mile radius of my house, I can see great works of art anytime I want, and I get to look down on people who are from any ohter city. Pick a city, any city in the world. We’re better than you.
Being from New York also makes me well versed in the art of profanity. Sometimes there is just no more appropriate way to express yourself than with a well placed four letter word. One curse can be worth a thousand mere mortal words. Now I am aware that some people don’t believe in using profanity and that’s fine. What I have a problem with is the people who don’t know how to curse properly.
Like any words, curses should be used in proper context. You shouldn’t just go around throwing bad words out left and right like some kid whose parents are not around. Have some tact damnit! Not every situation calls for a curse. You have to practice some judgement. If you curse all the time then the words lose their effectiveness. You want your words to have maximum potency. No matter if it’s an expletive or not!
Also you want to make sure you choose the right curse for the right situation. You wouldn’t use a missile to take out that dude who stole your paper clips at work would you? No. You would use a handgun. One of the great things about curses is that there is a word for every occasion. Choose wisely and you’ll be fine. Let’s break down the language a bit shall we. Consider this your Rosetta Stone for profanity…
The lowest on the bad word totem pole has to be ass. Who doesn’t say ass? Really is it even considered a curse anymore? That doesn’t mean it can’t be effective though. For instance asshole can be very effective. Calling someone an asshole can really ruin their day if done correctly (Note: It is never acceptable for a man to say a-hole. Never!). Or if you want to sound a bit classier you can go with this;
“You’re such an ass.”
If used at the proper moment that line could demolish someone’s ego. It is the perfect combination of insulting and condescending. Here is a bit more on this one…
Now bitch is an interesting word to me. It can be used very playfully, but also can be a surefire way to start a fight. I mean how many times have you heard girls call eachother a bitch while giggling and sipping on vanilla frappucinos? Yet that same word in a different context could result in one girl throwing said vanilla frappucino at the other’s brand new dress. CATFIGHT!
I never use bitch to refer to a lady. Notice I said LADY and not woman. Cause if a woman is being an unladylike bitch I will not hesitate to call her on it. Just sayin.
Shit is like the swiss army knife of curses. You can use it for anything. I mean the possibilities are endless.
One of my favorite uses for this word is to brag with it. This is how that would go…
Co-Worker: Hey Dave I heard you knocked that presentation out of the park yesterday. Congrats buddy.
Me: Shhhhheeeeeeeit. You know how I do playa!
I could have just said thanks there, but that sounds way cooler. Don’t you agree?
Okay now this is a dirty word right here. Of all the curses this is by far the ugliest. Fuck should be used the most sparingly of all these words. It should be reserved for when you really want to get your point across.
For instance I rarely use the term “Fuck You”. To me that is serious. I don’t use it lightly. Also I find that if I do have to use it, it’s way more effective to say it quietly than to yell it. Say it like your soul is hurting. Also say just that and then walk away. Let it resonate.
That is unless you are in a shouting match with a stranger. In this case you have to say it loud and with the proper tone of disgust. Full emphasis should be on the F. FFFuck You.
Lastly it is never acceptable to follow “fuck you” with a friendly term (i.e., Fuck you buddy, Fuck you pal, etc.). You sound stupid. Stop that.
Okay finally if you have reached your boiling point then it might be a good time for a tirade. In plain speak this means you gotta curse a motherfucker out. The occasional tirade is good for the soul. It lets you get some of that pent up anger out. Tirades should not be overused though. Then you just sound like you are all bark and no bite. You want your tirade to surprise your foe. You want them to reflect back at the end of the day and say “Damn. He/She really cursed me out!”
There is an art to cursing people out. Each curse is like a brush stroke in a painting. Make sure each one has purpose. Unfortunately this is something that cannot be taught. You either have the ability or you don’t.