Hello Facebook Users,
I know many of you have a very full schedule as is. There is so much to do on any given day on facebook. Here is a sample of what the average facebook user has to find time for on a daily basis;
– Figure out how to navigate the changes facebook has made since yesterday
– Stalk 5-10 random people
– Update my status at least 20 times
– Identify the app du jour and add it
– Buy fake drinks or gifts for people I want to flirt with
– Make a lewd comment about some chick’s whorish new photos
– Find out whose relationship status has changed in the past 24 hours
– Throw a sheep at someone
– Check if anyone new from my elementary school has joined
– Annoy members of my family who have not as yet added the “We’re Related” app
– Pretend to care about some “Cause”
– Play some stupid game for at least an hour (Mafia Wars, Vampires, Fight Club, Oregon Trail, etc.)
Again this is just a sampling. I know there is much, much more.
With great respect for all of your current facebook obligations, I am here to formally invite you all to find a place in your busy schedules for my writing. Currently I do the bulk of my writing on xanga.com. This is a site where fellow blogging afficionados (nerds) frequently check out my stuff. I have over 1450 friends and 800 “loyal” subscribers. I usually average about 400-500 views per day on each new blog. Some comments I have received on some of my blogs in the past include;
“Reading this has changed my outlook on life”
“You sir, are a national treasure. Bravo!”
and my favorite comment of all
“Your blog saved my baby’s life. Thank you Dave!”
Dave does love the kids. I was all too happy to help.
So facebook users I ask you to give me a shot. If you haven’t read me before, check out some of my stuff. If you’ve read me before and liked it, then come back for more damnit! I hate when people read one thing, tell me how much they LOVED IT, and then never come back again. It makes me feel like a cheap used whore.
While we’re at it facebook, give real writing in general a shot. Take a break from all the stupid ass surveys and reading 1,000,000 useless facts about people you don’t really give a crap about and read the real notes people post. Sure it may take some actual reading comprehension, but I think you guys are up to the task.