Flirting Gone Wrong…

Hey peoples. Dave here.

I wanted to talk about flirting today. See flirting is an artform. Sometimes it can be used to just make someone smile a bit, and sometimes it can be used to relay a message (that message being “I wants to hit that!”).

Regardless of what you are trying to accomplish with your flirting, just know that there is a line where flirting ceases to be flirting. A line where it becomes just creepy and wrong…

Innocent: You look nice today.
Not So Innocent: Damn you lookin’ fine as hell today!
Not Cool!: Hello! Someone just gave me wood!

Innocent: Did you do something different with your hair today?
Not So Innocent: Mmm. I love redheads. Really I love red hair regardless of whether its on the head or not.
Not Cool!: Nice hair. Do you mind if I smell it?

Innocent: Those shoes are beautiful on you.
Not So Innocent: Are those 6 inch heels? I love a woman in 6 inch heels… and nothing else.
Not Cool!: I would pay you at least 50 dollars if you let me watch you stomp around in some Jello barefoot.

Innocent: I see someone has been keeping up with the gym!
Not So Innocent: You got a fat ass yo!
Not Cool!: Don’t mind my staring. I was just picturing you naked.

Innocent: That is a lovely shade of lipstick.
Not So Innocent: Diggin that lipstick girl. Wait… lemme guess. Revlon Parisian right?
Not Cool!: Hey baby, my internet is down. Mind if I come over to your place later and use your DSL? (For those who are unaware, I am not referring to Digital Subscriber Lines here.)

Innocent: I really like that blouse you’re wearing.
Not So Innocent: I swear I am trying to look you in the eyes while you’re talking, but it’s just so damn difficult.
Not Cool!: What do you mean get my hands off your breasts? How bout you get your breasts off my hands!

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88 comments

  1. Bwaaah-hahahahaha …. “Get your breasts off my hands” …. OMG …. Ow, my ribs. Ow. (Wipes tears of laughter away)I don’t think I’ve met someone quite that creepy … although there was this guy with a foot-fetish that I met at a bar once … (giggles reminiscently)

  2. Hahahaha, I liked the ‘get your breast off my hands’ thing. You think all of it up by yourself? Very creative and a very funny read. But the lipstick thing.. if a man knew I was wearing Revlon Parisian or whatever, I would question his sexual preference. That would have been a MAJOR turn off!Oh, and what’s DSL??? I am not very up to date on the whole American slang phenomenon, since I don’t live there. So, some help, please?

  3. @TheMarriedFreshman – Oh I had a really good one just last week. This gay dude who I know from the comedy club asked me if my father (who is also gay) looks anything like me. Then he looked at me like I was a steak dinner or something. I was flattered.

  4. *LOL* Thank you for the laugh.You know, does that only go Not Cool for the guys? ‘Cause if a girl said something dirty like that to a dude, he would likely really dig it.  Well, some girls might like that, too!

  5. I’ve Heard Worse…   MUCH WORSE!   And Some Of Those Can Easily Be Used As Playful Jokes…  Broaden Your Mind.   OPEN YOUR MIND..  Sorries For The Total Recall Reference

  6. woah i must be unschooled b/c the innocent flirting is what i usually say to be strictly complimentary. i may have to revise my social skills

  7. lol wow this is funny. This is usually said by some of my stupid friends in which I say “shut up (name).” Or, I say the first thing that pops in my head (which doesn’t seem to fare well with others…) But it’s sad to say, that some people just generally don’t get the hint and really think that it’s working. And some people are just that immature…

  8. @vanedave – I told you. I am only recc’ing posts that I think are worth it to be on Top Blogs. And this one is funny, in an informative way. Others that I see on the front page are way too redundant. And some are too much nonsense. It’s almost sickening to read.

  9. Haha, this is hilarious. Even that hateful.. er.. loveable place that sounds like an island in the Bahamas liked it! Something must be wrong here.

  10. I would rather he ask to smell my hair than make that other comment which might make me think he was just a little weird, but not in a good way, necessarily.

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