So as most of you know I live in New York City. I was born and raised here, and I love this place. After you live here for a while you sort of build up a tolerance for craziness. You can’t live in this city if you are easily shocked or scared. You have to be able to just keep things moving, no matter what kind of lunacy is going on around you.
The Naked Cowboy: A Times Square Fixture
I have seen some crazy stuff over the years.
– I have seen a man strip naked in the middle of Central Park. He then climbed a tree and stayed up there. I left, but I am assuming the Fire Department had to come get him out of there.
– I have seen a prostitute spray a can of mase into a police officer’s eyes, before getting the shit beat out of her. That was a crazy ass prostitute.
– One time a man come up to my friends and I on the train late one night and said, “hey you wanna see something cool?” He then proceeded to stand in front of us and shit his pants. We know he did this because after closing his eyes and straining for a second he said, “I just shit myself.” We decided to move to another car after that.
After working and going to school in Manhattan for a long time, I now work near my house in Queens. I haven’t had to deal with the crazies as much lately. I had a show yesterday night in the city. I got out around 11:30 and started to walk back towards my car. When I got to the block that my car was on I noticed this crazy homeless guy yelling at some sirens that were going off in the background.
“Fucking cops. I could give a shit about you cops. Come and get me man! Come and get me!”
At this point I was a tiny bit alarmed. I was about fifteen feet from him and I could have crossed the street. I decided to just avoid any eye contact and keep it moving right past him. I was almost at my car. Wrong choice.
As I got closer to him I could see that he was staring at me. He was glaring at me like he hated my guts. I am not gonna front. I was scared.
At first I thought he would be content just staring at me. I didn’t care about that. I just wanted to get by this dude without him doing anything extra crazy. As I passed him by he leaned in towards my ear and shouted.
“Young blood, I wish you had a firearm so I could take it from you and blow your fucking brains out. MOTHAFUCKA!!!”
At this point my quick shuffle of a walk had turned into a full on power walk. I could see my car and I just kept right on going till I got to it. You know what is so funny is that I laughed to myself once I got to the car. That was some crazy shit he had just said to me, but damnit if I didn’t think it was hilarious in some sense.
I mean did he really have to say that part about wishing I had a firearm so he could take it from me? It wasn’t enough that he wanted to blow my brains out, he also had to demoralize me in the process by doing it with MY gun. That’s just messed up. Then he had to end it by calling me a MOTHAFUCKA!!! in the end. Note the caps and excalamation points. This indicates exactly how hard he said it. Imagine a good amount of spit flying in this process.
All in all it reminded me of why I am proud to be a New Yorker. Not only did I not shit my pants in this instance, but I can also laugh about it. I love this city!