New York City: Not For the Faint of Heart

So as most of you know I live in New York City. I was born and raised here, and I love this place. After you live here for a while you sort of build up a tolerance for craziness. You can’t live in this city if you are easily shocked or scared. You have to be able to just keep things moving, no matter what kind of lunacy is going on around you.

naked cowboy
The Naked Cowboy: A Times Square Fixture

I have seen some crazy stuff over the years.

– I have seen a man strip naked in the middle of Central Park. He then climbed a tree and stayed up there. I left, but I am assuming the Fire Department had to come get him out of there.

– I have seen a prostitute spray a can of mase into a police officer’s eyes, before getting the shit beat out of her. That was a crazy ass prostitute.

– One time a man come up to my friends and I on the train late one night and said, “hey you wanna see something cool?” He then proceeded to stand in front of us and shit his pants. We know he did this because after closing his eyes and straining for a second he said, “I just shit myself.” We decided to move to another car after that.

After working and going to school in Manhattan for a long time, I now work near my house in Queens. I haven’t had to deal with the crazies as much lately. I had a show yesterday night in the city. I got out around 11:30 and started to walk back towards my car. When I got to the block that my car was on I noticed this crazy homeless guy yelling at some sirens that were going off in the background. 

“Fucking cops. I could give a shit about you cops. Come and get me man! Come and get me!”

At this point I was a tiny bit alarmed. I was about fifteen feet from him and I could have crossed the street. I decided to just avoid any eye contact and keep it moving right past him. I was almost at my car. Wrong choice.

As I got closer to him I could see that he was staring at me. He was glaring at me like he hated my guts. I am not gonna front. I was scared. 

At first I thought he would be content just staring at me. I didn’t care about that. I just wanted to get by this dude without him doing anything extra crazy. As I passed him by he leaned in towards my ear and shouted.

“Young blood, I wish you had a firearm so I could take it from you and blow your fucking brains out. MOTHAFUCKA!!!”

At this point my quick shuffle of a walk had turned into a full on power walk. I could see my car and I just kept right on going till I got to it. You know what is so funny is that I laughed to myself once I got to the car. That was some crazy shit he had just said to me, but damnit if I didn’t think it was hilarious in some sense.

I mean did he really have to say that part about wishing I had a firearm so he could take it from me? It wasn’t enough that he wanted to blow my brains out, he also had to demoralize me in the process by doing it with MY gun. That’s just messed up. Then he had to end it by calling me a MOTHAFUCKA!!! in the end. Note the caps and excalamation points. This indicates exactly how hard he said it. Imagine a good amount of spit flying in this process.

All in all it reminded me of why I am proud to be a New Yorker. Not only did I not shit my pants in this instance, but I can also laugh about it. I love this city! 

iluvny

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55 comments

  1. Dude, you neglected the most important part. He called you “young blood”. That’s a term of endearment. He affectionately wanted to blow your brains out with your own gun….there’s a difference, ya know

  2. in allentown the crazies direct traffic from the middle of the road with their dollar store police badge. ive also had one come over ans tell me that the weatherman said they are calling for blood tomorrow.

  3. I haven’t been living in Manhattan for very long. Closing in on two years now. But even being here for that long, I have become completely desensitized. I don’t notice half the crazy shit that goes on around me, and when people from out of town come and visit they are completely in awe of some of the stuff that goes on here. I love going out of town and watching people in smaller towns get their undies in a bunch over stuff I see on street corners every day. (My favorite example of this is every single person at a frat party having a complete spaz attack because two girls were making out… seriously?)

  4. Hahaha, my friend took pictures of me and the naked cowboy when I went to New York on my 8th grade class trip.I brought them home, and my Mum was HORRIFIED.But I am so glad you made it out safely. Those crazies are a great dynamic to live with. Key word being “live.”

  5. You sure it wasn’t a “stripper” that maced the cop and not a prostitute?  I know you get those confused :pI had a crazy bum yell “Fuck YOU Hotty” while I was grocery shopping one night.  Wasn’t sure whether to give him the bird or say thank you.

  6. NYC is something else.  one time I was walking along with my boyfriend and this homeless lady who looked loony (nothing wrong with being homeless.. but when you’re all your fries short of that happy meal it’s a problem) was walking towards us. I did the whole don’t-make-eye-contact bit (because he was (still is) a girl and I knew I would be the one doing any defending) and as she passed, out of my peripherals, I see she is swinging at my head fullthrottle and mutters “bitch” under her breath.. I just ducked and kept walking..  laughing my face off because it was so retarded.. while my boy stood there flipping out asking if we should call the cops..  yeah.. NYC…..

  7. Real cowboys don’t tie their hat under their chin. I mean, come on! Is he worried about his hat blowing off and leaving his HEAD exposed? OMG!!

  8. That’s a funny story. There are a lot of crazies here in the Bay Area too though I doubt there are as many as in NYC. Here’s my best crazy person story:About 7 years when my daughter was about 13 and I was maybe 30 we went over to our favorite beach on the coast side (we live on the bay side of the peninsula), Montara Beach. Not many people out that day but there was a grizzled homeless guy with his huge bedroll and everything, not an uncommon sight for that area really so we weren’t paying much attention though he was walking towards us. We were walking one way and he was walking the other. We were just there for a walk, not hanging out all day or anything. He starts “GGGGAAARRR” ing like a pirate sort of then blurts out in the midst of a bunch of scary-ass gibberish “I’ll cut your heads off, sister whores!” We clasped hands and sped up nervously and went the other way toward where there were some more people. We were pretty nervous though we laughed about it in the car soon after, and we still laugh about it today sometimes. And amidst all that fear, bizarrely, I’m sort of flattered that he thinks we’re sisters.

  9. Hahaha…living in NYC keeps you from getting too bored though, and I do hate boredom :3Me and my friends were heading someplace down in the East Village one day last summer when a petty thief and his friends try to sell us a watermelon they stole (only $1) for TEN BLOCKS!!! There was no way I was buying a stolen watermelon, but my boyfriend got annoyed and gave them $1 to go away LOL

  10. Hahahahaha!!! I’m reading this and the comments and cracking up!! My very Best Friend is a NY’er and I love her to bits. We tease her here about being from “Newark”. Um, funnier in person, I think.Glad you’re safe!!

  11. I’m also pretty fuckin proud to be a New Yorker.  One time I gave some crazy homeless guy some leftovers, cause I had gone out to dinner, and he started yelling at people and continued to throw the food at some random people walking.  I thought it was hilarious…those other people, however, did not.  Sheesh, ya try to be nice to some people!  It was totally worth it though.  Good times.

  12. HAHAHAHA!!!!! I just shit my pants reading that! I mean, shitty deal for you, but the way you explained it was fucking hilarious!!There is a lady with torrets near the Tim Hortons i used to go to all the time. She walks around yelling about nazis and saying racist shit… one time she walked right past this gangster black guy and was like “FUCKIN NIGGERS. FUCKIN NIGGER ILL KILL YOU.“ He HAD to know she was a usual crazy because he just looked at her. I was utterly shocked.I asked her for a smoke one time and she gave me one. I am convinced its because I am white, otherwise i would have got my ass kicked. Shes fuckin scary!!!

  13. When I visited New York, it was like a bigger San Francisco.  Each corner had someone who had their version of Crazy goin’ on. I was grateful that I had experience.  Let me laugh a bit over feeling nervous.  I think it was here on your site I talked about the guy outside of the art gallery who started a conversation with: “They’re coming, you know.”  I made the mistake of saying, “Who?”  He told me, then when my husband came out (ignoring me waving him off) he told him too.  It was comical and sad at the same time. 

  14. I wish I lived there . . . anyone who wishes for excitement and adventure just needs to step out for the evening. But you’re right, it’s not for the unflexible or open-minded.

  15. LOL, my cousin went to NYC once and when she was alone in the subway station, a shady guy walked in with blood all over his face. He sat next 2 her and she started 2 cry lol 😀

  16. I remember going with my skittish mom. She asked the conscierge where to go to be safe and he responded incredulously with, “Aren’t you from Houston?”Hell, she was scared of Hoboken and suggested we go to Jersey because she “felt more safe” there.

  17. When I was just out of high school I had a good friend that moved to NY.  We were Georgia girls so, it was really cool to go there.  There was a lot of exciting things to do. I do remember that after one night going to a club I had spent almost every cent I took with me. It was a lot more expensive to party in NYC than what we were used to.  We also went to Queens to a party and the part of Queens we went to was pretty scary.  I have fond memories of New York.

  18. What’s so bad about the cowboy? Jk. I’m going to go there… someday. Someday. I thought Chicago was a little messed up. Then again, I also thought that about San Fransisco.

  19. i live in Queens, and most parts of Queens aren’t as crazy as it is in Manhattan.However, when I was on Jamaica Ave, I remember getting cursed out by this man because he felt I was waiting for him to hurry up and find his metrocard and that I felt that he was wasting my time (i didn’t even say anything to us)and when in Manhattan, I always see a bunch of crazy shit.i love being from new york too.

  20. New York is a great place…to visit (which I’ve done many times), but I wouldn’t want to live there…I mean seriously, that crazy ish is just. too. scary. for me (read: wimpy girl   ).

  21. Those are some funny stories. The wrong vector of intersections in any town always has its share of nutty stuff going down at any time. NYC’s just got a higher density than most. It’s last on my list of big cities, but, as with dogs, you know NYC doesn’t suffer for lack of my affection.

  22. I lived in Arizona all my life. Nothing exciting happens here. The one exciting thing was the superbowl but we all know how that went. idk, the craziest thing i’ve ever seen i guess was this lady I call her monkey lady and she would yell and scream and swat at the bats she thought were around her. Also, some Nigerians would throw candy at my door.My life is lame.

  23. I laughed when I read it, but I don’t think if I could have laughed if it were me. You’re definitely a pure blooded New Yorker!  Me, I’ll stay a medium size town girl.

  24. Oh yes…New York City is a city that can’t be compared to! It is amazing – I was there for only a weekend, but experienced and saw so much more in those three days than I have my entire life in Wisconsin…crazy life you must lead…

  25. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!I’m from New York as well. :)I live in Queens, near Long Island-so I don’t get to see the crazy stuff as often, but I ALWAYS see it every time I run out to Manhattan. Really though-I don’t notice the bizarre occurrences around me anymore. After 17 years of living here, I guess I got used to it.I’ve been to Times Square many, many times. I can only wonder why i’ve only ever caught a small glimpse of the Naked Cowboy. At least he isn’t bad to look at as compared to what you might find on a beach in Southern France ****shudder*** I remember in the city of Nice(it’s pronounced niece) in France, I saw plenty of saggy 80 year old men and women stark naked on the beaches. o___OPeople always say that New York is a crazy place to live-but honestly, there’s no other city I’d rather live in. 🙂

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