My Life Story in Ten Pictures – (Pt. 1: Baby Talk)

mom dad 1

That was me over 26 years ago, looking dapper as ever. There’s my mom and my dad. (We all look semi-annoyed for some reason don’t we?)  

Anyways not too long before this pic, I was brought into this world. October 11, 1982 to be exact. I had been in my mom’s belly for ten months at this point and things were starting to get ugly in there. First off I was huge. I had been in there so long that I was starting to run out of room. My leg got all bent up in the womb and I was born a bit bow legged. 

Another issue I had was that the amniotic fluid in my mom’s stomach was drying up. There was very little left by the time I was on my way out. This contributed to me being born with jaundice. Jaundice causes the skin to be sort of yellow, and can cause problems with the kidneys and even mental retardation in rare cases. (It is okay to make jokes at this point. Like, oh so that’s how that happened huh Dave?)  So because if the jaundice I was born yellow, because of the fluids drying I was all pruned up, and because I had been in so long, some of the fluids started to turn bad and made the room smell like mushrooms. By all accounts it was not a pretty sight. I looked like that yellow dude from sin city when I was born.  

yellow dude
Congratulations! It’s a freakishly ugly boy!

My family has never been shy about telling me how ugly I was when I was a newborn. My grandmother told me that she was nervous for a while because she doesn’t like ugly babies. She didn’t think we were going to get along very well. 

Thankfully after about two weeks the jaundice passed. My skin eventually turned to a nice unpruned mocha shade of brown. The mushroom smell went away and I had a pretty simple procedure done to fix my leg. I actually became a reasonably cute baby. And a good baby at that! By all accounts I was as chill as can be. I would rarely wake up at night or cry uncontrollably. My sleep cycle was always on point. I was friendly and always smiling. I’ve been told I quite possibly may have been the best baby ever in the long history of babies.

Then again, there are some in my family who have a flair for the dramatic. My father in particular has been known to exaggerate. Still I know for a fact that I was a cool ass baby. I have visual proof of that at least.

baby beer
So the legal drinking age is 21 weeks right? PARTAY!!!   

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54 comments

  1. LOL @… well, everything. 😀 you made me laugh! also, if i remember correctly (from your video interview with mrsprosa), you look a LOT like your dad! first glance of the photo and i thought he was you. 😀

  2. aww adorable!you what’s sad? the doctor thought i had jaundice and put me in the incubator under a uv light for 2 days, then realizing it was only because i’m asian, so i do have yellow skin O.o

  3. I so did not want to hear a story about a 10-month long pregnancy right now… ARG! SHHHHHHHHH! I’d tell you your baby pics are cute except that’s kind of been done already. Instead, I’ll just say you totally rocked the argyle sweater-vest. Totally.~V

  4. @Paul_Partisan – Haha!  My son pissed on his dad.  That should have been my first sign it wasn’t going to work out.  =/@vanedave – You were an adorable baby!!!  My son was about that color when he was born.  (brown, not yellow) I’m gonna do this, only with my kids.  Nobody needs to see baby Kelby…heh

  5. My daughter had jaundice when she was born and they put her on a Billi (sp?) Belt.  It was this thing that went the length of her back and was attached to a hose that looked like a tail.  It made her glow like a little Glo Worm. 

  6. You do favor your father. I, of course, was born and went immediately to the kitchen, where I whipped up a birthday dinner.

  7. Holy Cow…feel confident that you were not adopted and that man is your real dad.  And, awww, are you about to write a realy doozy?  I mean, blogging about babies and puppies from you usually is a beware for the future posts.I suppose your parents thought that classified as giving the baby a bottle.

  8. @TheLoquaciousLady – haha. I went straight to the kitchen too. But it was to eat, not to cook.@AnamcharaConcepts – lol. It really should. @MySecretLoveAffair – Well I had a little mini-outburst last thursday or friday. This has been in the works for a while.@saintvi – haha. Thank goodness I was able to find that last one then.@another_rebel_without_a_cause – haha. Mine is okay when it’s all grown in. It just takes forever. I am going to the barber today though.@Kalligenia – I never thought of it that way. You may just have a point there.

  9. @vanedave – actually, yes, but only because she’s on this nasty formula and she has about 700 chins so when drools it gets trapped in the chins and smells like mushrooms until her bath that night.  She’s so cute it makes up for her smell, though. 

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