Anyways not too long before this pic, I was brought into this world. October 11, 1982 to be exact. I had been in my mom’s belly for ten months at this point and things were starting to get ugly in there. First off I was huge. I had been in there so long that I was starting to run out of room. My leg got all bent up in the womb and I was born a bit bow legged.
Another issue I had was that the amniotic fluid in my mom’s stomach was drying up. There was very little left by the time I was on my way out. This contributed to me being born with jaundice. Jaundice causes the skin to be sort of yellow, and can cause problems with the kidneys and even mental retardation in rare cases. (It is okay to make jokes at this point. Like, oh so that’s how that happened huh Dave?) So because if the jaundice I was born yellow, because of the fluids drying I was all pruned up, and because I had been in so long, some of the fluids started to turn bad and made the room smell like mushrooms. By all accounts it was not a pretty sight. I looked like that yellow dude from sin city when I was born.
My family has never been shy about telling me how ugly I was when I was a newborn. My grandmother told me that she was nervous for a while because she doesn’t like ugly babies. She didn’t think we were going to get along very well.
Thankfully after about two weeks the jaundice passed. My skin eventually turned to a nice unpruned mocha shade of brown. The mushroom smell went away and I had a pretty simple procedure done to fix my leg. I actually became a reasonably cute baby. And a good baby at that! By all accounts I was as chill as can be. I would rarely wake up at night or cry uncontrollably. My sleep cycle was always on point. I was friendly and always smiling. I’ve been told I quite possibly may have been the best baby ever in the long history of babies.
Then again, there are some in my family who have a flair for the dramatic. My father in particular has been known to exaggerate. Still I know for a fact that I was a cool ass baby. I have visual proof of that at least.