Watermelon: A Love Story

I have had many great loves in my life. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, basketball, Sega Genesis, scrambled Spice Channel. But of all the great loves of my life, all of them pale in comparison to the love I have for a certain wonderful fruit.

Whoa, whoa. Pump the brakes. Not that kinda fruit. 

Oh watermelon. Sweet, succulent watermelon. How I love you so. The very sight of you makes me feel all tingly inside. You always seem to be smiling at me with your delightfully colored smile. The modest, unassuming green exterior. Makes me feel comfortable. Belies the fiery, passionate red awaiting on the inside. When you are just right, your red insides are so bold and vibrant. It really is a brilliant sight to see. 

Red and green; It’s like christmas everytime I have you.


After a good long look, I pick you up in my hands and I bring you closer and closer to my lips. I pause just before my mouth so I can enjoy your aroma. It’s so full and pungeant. The first bite ensues soon after. The first bite is always the best. Your juices fly everywhere and explode in my mouth. The taste is so sweet, it almost causes sensory overload.I even love your little black seeds, even though I spit them out (I don’t eat seedless. That stuff is for amatuers!).  I savor every bite and always find myself disappointed when I get down to the white part. Sometimes I even eat some of your white stuff because I can’t stand to say we’re finished. 

I feels you kid. 

You have been in my life for so long that I can’t even remember a time when I was without you. There have been times when I would go months on end without you and I would miss you so much. Ours has always been a bit more of a warm weather romance. You always seem to be scarce around the fall and you’ve never liked the winter very much at all. When spring rolls around I start to see signs here and there of your re-emergence, but it still is not quite the same. 

But then summer rolls around. Glorious summer! You alway return to me in the summer my love. Summer just isn’t summer without you. On a hot, sweltering day you are very often my only refuge. Whether you be in smoothie form, blow pop form, italian ice form, or standard sliced form, you are always my favorite. 

Way better than central air.

I love you watermelon. You had me at hello. 



  1. I love watermelon, too.  The seedless varieties have improved – you should try them!  I think it’s great to have something so good that you can eat as much of it as you want, and it doesn’t pack on the calories!  It’s probably not for you, but that’s my main consideration, lol!Kathi

  2. Sometimes your family has to tell you harsh truths, David. You’re perpetuating a stereotype (takes a sip of kool-aid and stubs out her Newport on the sole of her jellies).

  3. WOW you really do like watermelons huh??lol. But I was worrying is watermelon a metaphor for your wife/gf or something. If you read back and replace the word watermelon with your girl’s name you will know what I’m talkin bout. Great post.

  4. LMAOOOO!!!!!! You are a fool. You left Watermelon Nahlaterz (Now or Laters), lol.  I always thought the white part caused frequent bathroom breaks… I still don’t know. lol

  5. I’ll put it this way: If Xangans would even just pretend to like each other as much as you like watermelon…well, okay, the whole eating each other thing would suck.But I was getting at the lack of drama thing. But the whole eating each other thing kind of trumps that.

  6. you had me at “Sometimes I even eat some of your white stuff because I can’t stand to say we’re finished. ” You should check into a restaurant called “Punks Grill” it’s all summer love food.. and it’s AAAAAMAZIN

  7. Nothing is better than pulling pieces out of a huge ice bucket when it’s 90+ degrees and letting the juice run down your arms . . . seeing how far you can spit the seeds . . . this is bliss!

  8. I remember seeing a show once about some Middle Eastern country. They believed that a melon was heaven.  Followed closely by camels and boys.  And yes, I do mean that sort of heaven!  I saw it on an episode of Globe Trekkers on PBS.

  9. hmm… i thought only us folk in texas said “pump the brakes”…and am i abnormal because i’m from texas and i don’t eat watermelon? my family inhales them regularly. me? not so much…

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