…after what I saw yesterday, I am sure this is what Tranformers 2 should have been called.
No worries. I am not here to discuss plot with you, or spoilers of any sort. The square focus of this blog will be on two of the new autobots in the sequel; Mudflap and Skids, a.k.a. “The Twins”. Or as my friend Alex and I affectionately call them, “the Coonbots”.
The Coonbots started out as an ice cream truck which splits into two twins when transformed. From early in the movie you could tell that they were meant to be slower than the rest of the Autobots. I mean they could fight and all, but they were not too bright. Immediately after the opening sequence they upgraded from their old beat up ice cream truck to the conveniently watermelon-colored Chevy hatchbacks you see below.
Throughout the whole movie the Coonbots spoke in a highly exaggerated duuurrrty South crunk slang. They were also constantly fighting with eachother. (Was this Michael Bay’s attempt at a social commentary on black on black crime? Hmmm.) Also it took me a while to realize it, but one of the Coonbots actually had the nerve to have a single bucktoothed gold front!
Actually if you take a close look at both of the Coonbots’ faces, you can see both are pretty bad caricatures. The one who doesn’t have the gold front still has big lips, a wide face, and huge ears (plus they looked high throughout the whole thing). Haven’t we seen this before?
After the initial shock of being introduced to these characters, we tried to put all of our black panther feelings to the side and just enjoy the movie. This actually worked for a while despite numerous questionable lines from the twins. Then towards the end of the movie, the Coonbots just decided to push the envelope clear over the line.
After uncovering a set of ancient symbols, Sam (Shia Lebouf) asks the Coonbots if they could decipher them. The green Flavor Flav Coonbot then turns to Sam and says in his best coon voice, “Oh, we don’t do much readin'”. WHAT THE FUCK?!!! After all this we find out that the Coonbots are illiterate too? What friggin year is this anyway?
As much as this may seem like an angry black man rant, it only partially is. This was not meant as a statement of war against Transformers 2. I am not telling you to boycott. I just had to share this with you guys. The Coonbots are just one example of how Bay clearly wanted everything in this one to be bigger and better than the first. Explosions in the first one, bigger explosions in the second. Megan Fox being all sweaty and sexy in the first, multiple Megan Fox slow motion baywatch-esque running scenes in the second. A break dancing Autobot (Jazz) who is the first to get killed in the first one, the Coonbots in the second.
Well done Michael Bay. You’ve given me two new heroes.