Inside the Mind of a Troll…

I have seen quite a bit of people who are fed up with the jackassery (that’s a word I just made up) that goes on around here. I wonder what took so long for this powder keg to blow. I mean even some of the nicest people on here have passed the point of being patient. Some very eloquent and thought provoking pleas have been put out there to end all the hate. People imploring others to be more civil and act like they were raised and not dragged. While these posts were great, I sincerely doubt if they will make the slightest dent in any troll’s mind.

Wait, trolls have minds?

Yes. They do. See trolls are people just like you and me. They have jobs, depleted 401Ks, and crushed dreams like any normal person. The only difference between us and trolls is that we know how to handle a little power. What power am I speaking of? Well the interweb of course.

The interweb is a powerful thing. It brings people together who are worlds apart in the blink of an eye. It draws people in like flies to cow dung. You can say whatever you want on the interweb to damn near whoever you want. Power like that can really make someone feel, well, powerful.

I liken it to how some people are when they get behind the wheel of a car. They get their hands on that steering wheel and suddenly no one can fuck with them. (SUV owners are among the worst offenders. Anyone who owns a Hummer is automatically going to be the dickiest person ever.) You know how some people drive like they own the road? They drive way too fast in residential areas, they change lanes without signalling, they tailgate, they cut you off with no remorse. They are the baddest sons o’ bitches to ever operate a vehicle.

That is until you get out of the car. That is when reality sets in. That is when you see their face change from “Hell yeah I’m honking you! What you gonna do?” to “Oh shit he’s coming this way. What the hell was I thinking? I’ve never been in a fight before!” That is what you gotta do sometimes with assholes. Get up close in personal. But see with a troll it’s different. You can’t hop off your laptop and grab the crowbar out of your trunk to go after them. All you can do is hit the reply button, and really what is that going to do?

I for one choose not to get mad. I understand trolls. They NEED to be that way. They feed off of making your internet experience as miserable as possible. Either it’s the only joy they have in life, or it’s their only way of ever feeling powerful. Cause when they have to go into the real world and deal with people face to face, their big huge e-balls mean absolutely nothing.

So the next time a troll is pissing you off, just take a walk outside in the real world and bask in your ability to be yourself at all times. Trust me, you’ll feel better.



  1. I just get so sick of people who either hide behind the “troll” persona or claim to “tell it like it is”, using either as an excuse to say stuff that would get them punched IRL.Real trolls actually don’t bother me.

  2. I beg to differ with some of your statements. First off- the only job a troll has is being a troll. And well, theyre real good at it, but its like the job of a telemarketer- AND dont we just ignore those calls?I try to ignore these trolls sometimes , and others its just too much. They need to get on with the boring lives they lead and quit using the internet as a playground.

  3. Trolls just like to get a rise out of people. The more you feed them, the more they come back. Walk away and let whatever they say or do go. They can only push you away if you let them. So now that you are Adolf, do you say “Heil myself?”

  4. I have learned it doesn’t pay off to stoop down to the level of someone who reacts like a complete jackass. I find it better to kill with kindness and move on. I can just picture them ranting and getting all in an uproar behind their pc. It makes me feel better. Believe me I have done my fair share of jackassary, I find it really doesnt pay off. I dont sweat it. πŸ™‚ Now about my road rage….lol…

  5. that’s exactly how it is.  exactly.  the Internet offers the ability to be a douchebag without the pain that would inevitably ensue in real life.there are too many civil people around here for me to get into it with a troll.

  6. @vanedave – well, when i have a troll, lets just say they wish they were never born All joking aside, trolling on here is at an all time high, and its quite sickening what some 30+aged people have going on with themselves= the internet IS their life!

  7. You deserve a dish of lambi, a plate of beignets, and a bottle of Barbancourt for this one, cuz. You ROCK! 

  8. this post sucks, dave, and you’re stupid because this is definitely going to make top blogs and it’s all your fault. now FOR ANYONE WHO WANTS GOOD WRITING… please come see my blog where i quote myself and act like a general ass.LET THE 0 EPROPS UNITE!( =P )

  9. Good way to put this. I’m with you on this. It is pretty simple. Trolls don’t exist unless you assist them. Most of the time, people bring a lot of it on themselves.  Most people don’t even have a real troll after them when they bitch about it.  Godless heathens. 

  10. It’s more hilarious when a troll doesn’t realise he/she is being one. Or pretends that they are out to get the other trolls. Even better when they caught in their lies.Ah. Watching stupid people get their comeuppance is truly bliss in and of itself.

  11. I just don’t waste time with them. Although, in messages with a few who had troll-like tendencies, I actually grew to like them a lot. Strange how that happens sometimes.

  12. You know…trollery is a bit like a Jackson Pollock painting. The authentic thing is a work of art and can be quite priceless. Everything else is just a three-year-old’s paint scribble.Good post.

  13. I’m not afraid or ashamed to say that I’m a troll. After all, it’s kinda just like play-acting on a stage. You get to be the villain at times. To quote from Shakespeare’s As You Like It, “All the world’s a stage, Andall the men and women merely players; They have their exits and theirentrances; And one man in his time plays many parts.”

  14. Trolls like to try to make up for the fact they have really bad hair that sticks up and short stubby legs.Oh great. Now I’m imagining naked trolls sitting at their computers being jerks on the interweb.

  15. Lovely post. My thought on the trolls is that when you encounter a person that desperate for the attention gathered by being a total dick to others, the best thing to do is ignore them. Don’t feed their desire to be the center of your universe for a few moments. Don’t give them the satisfaction of letting them control your mood.Now, that might be the BEST thing to do; but I’ve never claimed to be the best of anything. I, too, get sucked into the troll world and can’t help but TELL them what a dick they’re being… as if they somehow didn’t realize it unless I told them! Yeah, I see the idiocy of it all… later. But sometimes, steam comes off my keyboard and I just can’t help but respond. But most of the time, I don’t read the Xanga trolls’ posts. I try to stay in my own little world, with my small but loyal group of Xangafriends who love & support each other. Luckily, I’m usually far too boring for trolls to visit my site. 

  16. Haha I just kept remembering this girl who was trying to troll me on mancouch. What a loser :P. It’s nice to see I have so much power over her. My mere presence in the comment section gets her going.My reaction depends on the type of trolling. If its on my page I will either just delete the comments or try to talk to them rationally yet playfully. If its on another page I usually just ignore them.

  17. I willingly hang out with trolls everday haha. Can’t imagine not being trolled now. My boyfriend is one of the biggest trolls ever. It’s hilarious. People need to calm down… but I guess the internetz is srs. *rolls eyes*

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