I Appreciate You

I just wanted to take this five minute break I have from work to say thank you to everyone who lent some words of advice or comfort over the past few days. I read through and wanted to respond to each and everyone. I figured this would be the best way to do so.

Many of you gave me a different perspective on dying alone and I appreciate that. You all brought up some very good points. I can assure you, whether I agreed with you or not, seeing things from a different side was very helpful.

My cousin passed away yesterday. I have never been too emotional when people pass away. I always feel guilty about it too. Like I should be more grief stricken. I just feel numb about this whole thing by now. I am sad, but I am not hurting. It is just a part of life to me.

Anyway. Thank you all.

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44 comments

  1. Wow, I’m sorry – I haven’t been on Xanga much and missed your original message.  I hope you and your family are holding up all right.  I also have trouble knowing how to feel and how much I should be feeling when someone passes away.

  2. I’m so sorry for the loss of your cousin Dave. We all handle grief and death in different ways… right. I am sure your way is completly natural.I appreciate you too.

  3. I’m sorry I did not see your previous posting about your cousin.  My condolences on her passing.  I am not sure it is a female cousin, but I remember you posting some time back, about a female cousin with some health concerns.Kathi

  4. Dave, I’ve not been around but, regardless, I hate to hear you are hurting in any way at all.  I’m so sorry about your cousin.  I sure hope all your stresses and griefs are lifted soon.

  5. Dear Dave,I visited you this morning, but didn’t read the entry about your cousin. (Which I did just now. ) Coincidentally today is the anniversary of my friend’s passing after battling cancer for four years. My deepest condolences to you and to your aunt on the passing of your cousin. Don’t feel guilty. We all express grief in numerous ways.Although originally written for the husband of a friend, I’ve modified the following poem in celebration of your cousin. Although words cannot express grief completely, I like to post this poem in condolence for those who have passed.Michael F. Nyiri, poet, philosopher, fool”SoulGrief”Poetry by Michael F. NyiriNovember 14, 2001 5:09 a.m. pst The beginning of our life arrives at the moment of our death,Yet that doesn’t begin to console the raging hearts of the still living,Or explain the loss and pain to our children and family.We can accomplish much in our scant hours of existence in this plane,Yet there always seems to be unfinished business to be done,And the clock doesn’t stop for the rest of the world.The world will grieve, and the individual souls will, tooYet nothing can stop the pain which those who are left will feelFor days, for months, for years, until the passing arrives for them as well.This is the blessing and the curse of mankind.Yet sometimes nothing can prepare us for the suddenness of a life’s eradication.I awake each morning and I greet the spirits,As the ancestors of humankind have done for generations:”It is a good day to die”The righteous and the just prepare for passing with each moment in the sun.Yet nothing can help to stop the tears from streaming down the faces of the survivors.Nothing this feeble soul can muster will serve to causeSoulGrief to flee,Because SoulGrief is our connection with the minds and hearts of Our Loved Ones.SoulGrief will permeate our beings, and rack our physicality with pain.SoulGrief is a cry to heaven and a shout into the bowels of Gaia’sRock hard permanence.There are hallowed hallelujahs harboring wonderful soulmemoriesYou will share these deeply while you suffer your SoulGrief.There again is nothing anyone can say.She was a woman, a brave soul, a lover, a friend.She was imperfection with a purpose, andAlthough for her, perfection is attained,The hole she has left behind can only be filled by memoryLove,AndSoulGrief.I stop my daily life for a moment to grieve with you.Yet I know this cannot console you much.The door to all of life’s mysteries lies beyond the final living breath.”It is a good day to die”Yet nothing can serve to answer whyTo those of us left behind this morning.

  6. Deep stuff cuz.. Made me think about the way I’ve been affected by the loss as well… I feel like I’ve never gotten the opportunity to know her which in fact makes me sad as well. It’s crazy..Adam~

  7. Thanks for sharing. Posts like yours are why I am still a part of xanga, and nothing else. This is a real community. I think I speak for all of us in saying we are glad we could be here for you. Condolences to you friend.

  8. Each of us grieves their own way; I’m often like you… more stoic than most people think is appropriate. I’ve even been known to get the giggles at funerals sometimes. Okay, that last part IS weird; but it is also true. Luckily, I’m a quiet giggler. In any case, you know you’ve been in my thoughts and prayers as have your Aunt and Cousin. As I said in my earlier comments, your Aunt showed a tremendous amount of love by letting her die alone as she wished and respecting her daughter in that way. I’m sure your cousin realizes now the love that she had to do that. Deepest condolences… with no giggles.

  9. I’ll be praying for you and the fam, Dave.  On a different note… if I didn’t know any better, I’d begin to think my sensitivity is rubbing off on you. But I suspect you’ve always been this way.

  10. I felt the same way recently when my uncle died. It’s like being shell-shocked and it’s a hard way to feel because I know I wanted to be emotional, I wanted people to know I was upset, but I just couldn’t bring myself to outwardly show those emotions. You’ll be the one people come to for support and maybe that’s the way you can heal, by helping others through their hurt. Good luck Dave… I’m sure you’ll be able to help get your family through this.

  11. It is sad and it is a part of life.  Your not feeling all that hurt about is way more normal than you might think.  Go with what feels right, you know?Hope all the family is handling it well, or as well as can be expected!Good luck and lots of thoughts to you and your family!

  12. I’ve been where your at. I loved my uncle to pieces. He helped raise me when my mom was a single parent, and we had an unusually close bond. But when I found out he had died, I didn’t cry. We had known it was coming. He had stage 4 bone cancer and was refusing further chemo treatments, so we knew it was coming. I was sad, for sure. But I didn’t cry, and if you know me at all, you know I’m a big sack of emotions (I cry very easily). I can’t explain why I didn’t cry. I think I was comforted by the fact that I knew he wasn’t in pain anymore and he was with the one person he loved the most in this life, my aunt.I’m sure your wondering why I’m telling you this. I don’t normally share it for all the world to see, but I’m hoping you take at least some comfort in knowing that your not alone. Its NORMAL to be numb, to not show any emotion. It sounds so cliche, but each person grieves differently for different tragedies. I cried like a baby when my aunt died, but I didn’t when my uncle died. Two equally important people in my life that I believe were taken far sooner than they should have been, but my reactions were completely different. So know that I’m praying for you and your family, and your not alone. You know where to find me if you need an e-shoulder to cry on, if and/or when you do.

  13. *hugs* I am that way too, really.. I dont get super sad, I jsut get kinda numb and then feel bad that I don’t have more feelings than I do. It’s okay, we all deal with things in our own way. 

  14. @mixedbabiesrock – Thanks. Everybody is good I think. We were all bracing for a long wait. I think we are kind of relieved that it wasn’t.@angi1972 – thanks Ang.  @Still_groovy – It was a female cousin. You have a very good memory. Thanks so much.@LostInTheLyrics – @Paul_Partisan – @Kestryl – @AlterEgo909 – Thanks for the love guys.@mrsprosa – yeah. I am trying to be there for her the most. She has been trhough so much.@MySecretLoveAffair – Love you too Jess. I have been rather delinquent as well.@baldmike2004 – Thanks alot Mike. I really liked the poem. It really resonated with me.

  15. @chubakakid – What are you doing on xanga? Yeah. I know what you mean though. She was always there, but she never really let people in. It was hard to get really close to her.@obsessive_reality – Awww thank you so much. That was a really nice comment.@PrincessYnattirb –  Yeah. It’s a really weird feeling. @Shirlann – I feel way better now. At least I don’t giggle. lol.You are the best Shirl. Love you cousin.@another_rebel_without_a_cause – Somehow that did not sound right.@sandyjackson09 – Thanks Sandy.

  16. @ModernBunny – It just always feels weird. Like something is missing inside of me. I know it’s natural, but I can’t help but feel the same way each time.@MyxlDove – It’s all your fault man. @kad1190 –  Yeah. That is usually the role I play. Shoulder to cry on. My condolences for your uncle’s passing.@rbmegert – Yeah. I am not gonna try to force any tears. I just always feel a little guilt. Thanks.@TheBigShowAtUD – I feel like you should be mussing up my hair while you’re saying that.@IfonEarth – @elelkewljay – @bluedreamer85 – @haloed – Thanks so much guys.

  17. @Laryssa – Oh I’ll be fine. Thanks for looking out for me though.@lizheartshakespeare – It helps alot to share those experiences with you. I never get used to it even though I’ve been through the grieving process many times. To hear others who understand makes me feel a little less cold. Thanks so much Liz.@InaneInsanity – @AnamcharaConcepts – I feel like we go to a better place. I think that’s why it doesn’t hit me so hard.@TheLoquaciousLady – Sheesh. Things have been way too heavy around here lately. I’ve got to brighten things up over the next few days.@jaded_maudlin – @BohemianLamb – @TiRocKiinPiinK – @Roadlesstaken – @anyamoor – Thank you all for the love and support.@Kalligenia – Thanks C. Time to get back to laughing now.

  18. I’m sorry for your loss.  We all grieve differently.  Grieving also feels different to different people.  When my mother died, some friends expressed concern that I “didn’t take time to grieve for her.”  But I didn’t/don’t know what I should have done with a special grieving time, or whatever it’s appropriately called.  You just feel what you feel, and there are no special parameters for it.

  19. Hm. I think I’m kind of thankful to see someone who feels roughly the same way as I do when someone passes away. I don’t feel quite so abnormal now. Thanks. n.n; But yeah.<3, ~*Akarui Mitsukai*~

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