People Who Scare Me

I was checking through my mail today when a progressive ad popped up and totally scared the hell out of me. It’s that woman they have in these new ads. The one with the big bug eyes who is always perky and talks all fast. That bitch scares the shit out of me.

progressive
Ahhh. Get her away from me!

She just looks like the type of woman that is on the verge of haveing a nervous breakdown any minute. On the surface it’s all perky and perfect, but underneath is a psycho waiting to emerge. Look at that joker-esque smile she has. Tell me she doesn’t scare you too.

While on the subject, here are a few other people who scare the hell out of me.

Suze Orman
suze
She haunts my dreams. Everytime I go to splurge on something that I have no business buying, I see visions of Suze coming at me with a hatchet. I can’t even go to Starbucks anymore without hearing her yelling at me. I guess this one has it’s benefits. 

Wendy Williams
wendywilliams_1
This chick is just a hot mess. All that lipo and botox. She looks like a zombie with tons of make-up on.

Brock Lesnar
brock
Is friggin’ insane! Period!

Sonia Sotomayor
sonia soto
Looks like she don’t take crap from nobody. She scares me the same way my grandmother scares me. I feel like she is going to beat me with a slipper at any second. I think this trait would serve her well in the Supreme Court.

Mike Tyson
tyson
I don’t care how fat and out of shape he looks. I saw the Hangover damnit! He’s still got it.   

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72 comments

  1. I’m rec’ing just to see if Jared (nothingbeast) comes over and offers his take on the Progressive chick. He once wrote an entry on how big of a crush he has on her, and how he would WRECK her if he got the chance. Different strokes for different folks. Orman does creep me out a bit. I don’t like her.

  2. I like your commentary….  especially on Suze Oman,  that thing just looks creepy..  do they still make 80’s tangerine colour tan?  That shit should be banned

  3. I can’t stand the Progressive girl; she’s obnoxious, and I can’t figure out if it’s a character, or if she’s actually like that in real life.  (I guess that’s a sign of good acting?)  It astounds me that so many people have a crush on her.

  4. i think the guy who does the infomercials for oxyclean is scarier. no idea what his name is, though, i try not to watch his infomercials any more than i can help (like the 2 seconds it takes to see him while channel surfing)

  5. HAHA I totally agree. Every single one of those people scares me too and I think so every time I see them. Suze Orman is the worst for me, it’s nice nails on chalkboard whenever I see her and her blinding white teeth and eyes that have been pulled way too tight. Right, you’re gonna tell me how to manage my money when you obviously spend a ton of money on uncessary plastic surgery and teeth (over)whitening?

  6. Suze Orman needs to die. First of all, I don’t care how good she is with money.  There is no excuse for that haircut.  Second of all, you know that tan is fake.  This bitch spends 1/2 her salary at a tanning salon and she is giving me money advice? No thanks. 

  7. Susie Orman scares me too. Especially in THAT photo! Know who’s missing here? Ann Coulter. Anyone with that much hate and venom to spew is scary, man. Plus, she makes Susie look hot. (GAG!)

  8. I was actually saying that about Sonia Sotomayor last night when I saw her on TV. Well, not about the slipper thing, but that’s she’s kind of frightening and how that would be good for being on the Supreme Court.  Also, all the people who get botox and face lifts scare me. They’re like a new race of lizard people!

  9. It saddens me that not one living soul in this world is afraid of me. Maybe I should start beating people with my spatula or look intently at peoples’ jugular area when I talk to them.

  10. “On the surface it’s all perky and perfect, but underneath is a psycho waiting to emerge. Look at that joker-esque smile she has. “Wait! When did you meet me??? WHY DON’T I REMEMBER THIS?!!?!

  11. John Hagee scares the heck out of me. It’s easy to get the impression that if one said “I dunno, I’m not convinced that the Rapture is imminent…” Hagee would drag one into an alley and beat the gospel into them. Repeatedly. With a big stick. “BeLIEVE in the LORD! NOW!!!!”

  12. The gecko from the gieco commercials scares the crap out of me, fo sho. Talking animals in general make me nervous, especially when they’re used to make something that is a rather daunting task (i.e purchasing car insurance) seem less than scary. I know, I’m weird.

  13. The Progressive Lady is more annoying than scary for me.Especially when she talks in that homogenized unhip corporate lingo of hers.I was actually waiting for her to call someone ‘dog’ or ‘bro’!

  14. yes i agree these people are scary .. add on janice dickenson.. joan rivers.. and carrot top.. people with fucked up scary faces lolol. and not to mention maniac personalities

  15. I love the Progressive chick and her perky attitude!  Tyson, he’s scary cause he’s got power and he’s a psycho!  Mr. Bill always scared me and he’s been popping up in ads here and there.

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