Rorschach’s Journal

Note: Apologies in advance for the crappy photo editing. I don’t have photoshop at work.

RorDaveschach’s Journal. April 2, 2009.

Troll carcass in alley this morning, tire tread on burst stomach.

Xanga is afraid of me. I have seen its true face. The inboxes are extended gutters and the gutters are full of whining and bitching. When the drama finally boils over, all the vermin will drown. The accumulated filth of all their posts will foam up about their waists and all the trolls and top bloggers will look up and shout ‘Save us!’ And I’ll look down, and whisper ‘no.’

ror-dave
None of you understand.
I’m not blogging here with you. You’re blogging here with me.

Don’t tell me they didn’t have a choice. Now xanga stands on the brink, staring down into bloody hell, all those liberals and intellectuals and smooth-talkers, and all of a sudden nobody can think of anything to blog about. I leave the human cockroaches to discuss their Duggars and abortion. I have business elsewhere, with a better class of person.

On Friday night, a Comedian shut her xanga site down. Paid last respects quietly, without fuss. Jediwa72. On xanga since… well July of last year, but seemed like forever.  Jediwa72, shut down 2009. Beneath me, this awful community, it screams like an abattoir full of retarded children spoiled brats. Xanga. Somebody knows why. Down there… somebody knows. 

jess-comedian
Listen, you little trolls, you better get back in your rat holes!
I got riot gas, I got rubber bullets… [addressing an angry mob during Perez_on_x riots]

Maybe xanga is just going through a down period. Maybe. Or maybe someone’s picking off top bloggers.

I shall go and tell the indestructible Dan that someone plans to murder him. Rumor has it that he’s been on the moon. Not good enough. Someone wants his head.

theo manhattan
Awww man dude. I told you I was coming.
You really could have put some pants on!
 

Away down alley, heard woman scream, first bubbling note of xanga’s evening chorus. Approached disturbance. Antisoccermom angry as hell. Cleared throat. 

laurie
Oh Shit…I just jumped into a fire!

She turned and told me to get bent before disappearing into the dark night. The cold, suffocating dark goes on forever and we are alone. Blogging our blogs, lacking anything better to do. There is nothing else.

Picture starting to get clearer. Still a bit blurry. Need help.

I had heard someone tried to assassinate Matt-lock. He might know something. After all, is world’s smartest man.

veidt
An intractable problem can only be resolved by stepping beyond conventional solutions.
I heard that once on Law and Order.

Matt-lock is a mystery in himself.  Stood up for his community, Matt. Never let anyone phase him. Never cashed in on his reputation. Never got caught up in the drama or the bitching and bickering. Never became a comment whore. He agrees to meet. Gives me nothing. Dead end.

Meeting with Matt-lock left bad taste in mouth. He is pampered and decadent, betraying even his own shallow, liberal affectations. Possibly voted for McCain? Must remember to investigate further.

My gut is telling me something. Matt-lock stinks. Go back to his office and unlock computer with ridiculously easy password. Jackpot! Evil bastard. Behind it all. Must tell everyone before I am dramatically splattered all over the ground in Antarctica.

snow death
Hurm. Too late…

If reading this now, whether I am alive or dead, you will know truth. Whatever precise nature of this conspiracy, Matt-lock responsible. Have done best to make this make sense. Believe it paints disturbing picture. Appreciate your recent support and hope xanga survives long enough for you to rec this (haha. shameless!).

For my own part, regret nothing. Have blogged free from compromise … and step into the shadow now without complaint.

fin. 
________________________________________________________________________

Edit: This is why you love me xanga.

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87 comments

  1. I read all of that with the guttural uttering of the movie-Rorsach.Fucking perfect.The conception is awsome, the execution is flawless. Props. =)

  2. @TheBigShowAtUD – Do you feel guilty rec’ing me sometimes. I feel a tinge of guilt rec’ing you at times. In my head I’m like “aww man people are gonna think I’m rec’ing this cause it’s Matt and I am required to rec this post. It can’t have anything to do with the fact that I just spent the last five minutes chuckling.”End mini rant. 

  3. This!!THIS!!!!THIS IS WHY I SENT YOU COOKIES!THIS IS WHY! OMG I FRAGGING LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Oh, ok so I just went screaming fan girl, but OMG.I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!

  4. wow. i was going to say somethin about the blog. and then totally got distracted by the fight that broke out!!!!! caaaase in point!anyways.. .can someone explain to me what a “Troll” is?? I don’t think I understand…

  5. @vanedave – sometimes, i do.  people may think it’s because we’re black and that we believe in affirmative action on the Internets, but that’s just ridiculous.  i’m sorry i’ve not stood up for my beliefs re: your blogs.of course, sometimes, i think you’re really Perez Hilton disguided as Dave.  you never know.also, you like that way we respond to comments on each other’s blogs, like they’re to us.  awesome.@iStephanieMarie – HEY!@Kontzicles – http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=troll

  6. Hahaha. The photoediting..hilarious. Told you I would get to your blog in time =p. Even though I visit it often enough, ANYWAY. Don’t think you guilted me.

  7. Dear David,I just came over from your video section, where I left a comment on your comedy performance. I also listened to some of the “curse words” audio clips. There’s ONE city that’s far superior to New Yawk, my hometown of Lost Angeles. We’re better than New Yorkers in all ways, shapes, and forms. If you’ve seen a “New York street” in the movies, it was probably shot right here in good ol’ L.A. Should you be blogging at work? I tell everyone at work that too many people are using work time for the internet, and then I go back to my Xanga.Michael F. Nyiri, poet, philosopher, fool

  8. @Levanna – your screeching cracked my cpu screen.@Kontzicles –  that was a stupid fight.@AlterEgo909 – lol. I thought you might.@ilovemy2babyboys – awww. I thought I had won Jen’s love for a sec too.@iStephanieMarie – lol. Maybe. Just maybe.@ZJiff30 – aww screw that guy.@TheBigShowAtUD – yeah we do that alot. haha.@faultymanufacturing – lol. The rec query just fit there. Had to do it.@Fairywife – I totally guilted you. lol.

  9. ryc: It was either that, or the weird drunken clip of me at the Black Lounge in San Mateo doing my ten minute bit on Tom Waits obsession with roofs. I CAN ONLY PHONE SO MUCH IN AT ONCE, I’M ONLY ONE MAN

  10. He DID vote for McCain!This was hilarious, btw.  Did you watch the director’s cut this weekend?  I nearly died of glee, surrounded by fellow nerds at 9pm on a Saturday night.  Because that’s how we get down.

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