Fond Memories of Getting Beaten

While reminiscing with some family members over the many ass whoopings I’ve received in my life, I realized something. I appreciate those ass whoopings. Not just the fact that they helped mold me into the man I am today, but also the subtleties behind the beatings. The skill with which I got my ass whooped. It really is a lost artform.

My dad was the chief disciplinarian. The bulk of my ass whoopings in life have come from him. The thing I remember most about getting beatings from him is the psychological warfare that surrounded the beatings. For instance whenever my dad had to come pick me up from school for some stupid thing I did I had to deal with the pre- at home ass whooping – car ass whooping. He would be in the front driving and I would be in the back seat crapping my pants and praying for some sort of divine intervention.

Save me Angels! 

As a rule I always tried to avoid any and all eye contact with him on these rides home, but somehow I always ended up looking up just as his gaze was fixed upon me in the rear view mirror. As soon as he saw my pupils he would go crazy. He would be reaching for me with one hand while driving with the other, flailing wildly at me while I pressed myself as far into the backseat as I could. Each time he missed he would get angrier and angrier so I knew the only way to satiate his madness was to lean into one. It was insanity at it’s finest.

Then came the at home ass whooping. The main event, if you will. We would get home and my father would tell me to go wait for him in his room. The waiting was without a doubt the worst part. He always seemed to take forever too. He would go to the bathroom, make a few phone calls, have a sandwich, balance his checkbook, and re-arrange his CD collection before coming in.  I would be sitting there on his bed, crying uncontrollably the whole time.

By the time he had actually gotten to the room I would be so exhausted from being scared and crying that I actually sometimes forgot that I still hadn’t gotten beaten. Sometimes he would come in and I would be sleeping. He would walk in and start off real calm. Ask me something along the lines of “so did you think of anything to say for yourself.” I would always answer the same thing, “sorry and it won’t happen again.” Then he would calmly tell me to get him a belt out of the closet.

Choosing a belt out of the closet was of crucial importance. Common sense says to pick the smallest flimsiest belt and hand it right over. WRONG! This would only infuriate him more. He would just toss that flimsy belt aside and walk over the the closet to find the biggest, thickest belt he owns. This is why I would pay careful attention to choose a belt that was just big enough to not piss him off, but just small enough to not make me leave me walking funny for more than two days. It was sort of like Indiana Jones picking the holy grail.


By the time the ass whooping finally commenced, I was almost relieved that all of the preliminaries were done. By this time there was only one more hurdle to jump. I had to try not to cry too much. For some crazy reason my dad always felt that I shouldn’t be crying while he was hitting me with a belt. He would ask me while beating me sometimes if I wanted him to “give me something to cry about?” As is the fifty lashes you just gave me wasn’t reason enough.

In retrospect it is really staggering to see all the layers. The actual moment when the belt hits my ass almost becomes an afterthought. I believe this is what we are missing these days. Their is no artfrom to disciplining kids these days. It’s all just standard procedure. I for one, will try to have a bit more respect for the process.



  1. I was only spanked once in my life, and that was enough to scare me straight. And I have to disagree with those who say fear of a parent in a child is a bad thing. There is a big difference though between fearing your parent because you know they are right, and fearing your parent because you think they will hurt you. The first is the right kind of fear. It leads to respect, which every good parent is deserving of. If that is the kind of fear a parent has instilled in their child then they have done their job. The second kind of fear is the wrong kind of fear though. Your child should not fear you every time you walk into the room. Sorry about the soapbox, I’ll get down now

  2. I used to send my daughter to her room to wait, not to play psychological games with her, but to give me time to calm down so that when I went into her room I was not angry. By then I could talk to her about her transgression without yelling and dole out the discipline with complete control. Maybe your dad making you wait was more about him than you.

  3. @TheTheologiansCafe – I agree.I personally won’t be spanking my children.  I don’t judge those that do.  I feel that spanking or no spanking, the most important thing regarding discipline is consistency.  I judge parents that don’t dole out any discipline, or do so in such an inconsistent haphazard way that it confuses the kids and ends up making them unruly.  A child cannot respect a parent that doesn’t follow through with discipline, just warnings and  no follow through.The fear I had of my mom (and sisters as they helped raise me) rolled into every area of my relationship with them.  Still to this day it’s hard for me to discuss anything with them at all.  I am 26 years old and where they are involved I still feel like a child.  I never really built that trust with them to where I feel like I can talk to them about anything important.  I was nearly 4 months pregnant before I could bring myself to tell them I was  pregnant.  And I believe that is directly related to the type of “discipline” I received.  Because with other people I’m pretty open and trusting.  But I’m afraid of trusting them with anything important.

  4. traditional parents = i was beaten, too. i feel your pain. although i see it different. i went through it and understand that it’s an old age way and i don’t resent my parents for it, but i wouldn’t do the same with my kids in the future.

  5. My mom use to beat me with the first thing she could get her hands on or what was already in her hand. She didn’t care where she beat me either and she didn’t care if it would leave marks until she realized that I couldn’t go out in public for the next couple days.

  6. In today’s age of parenting, they would arrest your Dad (and mine too) for that kind of thing. Sigh. I’ve always given my kids a choice: You can obey me through my words or be punished with my hands. They’ve always known that I never WANTED to spank them; that it was a last resort if they didn’t obey my words. Honestly, I didn’t have to use that very often; and the last time I popped a smart-mouthed teenager (in his “turd boy” phase of development) in his mouth, I held back at the last minute because he had braces at the time. His response? “Like THAT hurt.”That, my friend, is why God invented belts. And self-control. Because instead of beating the crap out of him like I wanted to; I walked out of the room, after grounding him, of course. Oh, and his crime? Using “Jesus Christ” as an expletive when I asked him to do something. He’s damn lucky I have self-control. 

  7. My three oldest brothers had it the worst. they were born in 74. 75. and 76. You know how it was back then. I didn’t it have it half as bad. My 4th oldest brother did. This makes me sad. It makes me remember more than anything.

  8. Actually, Dave, I don’t agree with you (dun dun dun when has that ever happened). From what it sounds like, that was probably a not entirely wholesome experience for you. I don’t think it’s necessary to instill so much fear in a child, and I think when it comes to punishment, it should be handled as promptly as possible.While I think your father had good intentions and while it’s clear that he’s raised a good man, I don’t think discipline necessarily has to be approached with such anger. Now, I’m not one of those people that will refuse to spank my kid. If my kid needs it, he’ll get it. But I believe that there are other ways to accomplish discipline.

  9. ah, i remember ass beatings, my dad used to use a wooden hanger or my mom would get out the wooden spoon or spatula, no fun at all. I believe in discipline of children but not to the point where they are scared shitless of you that it would come between having a relationship with your child.

  10. My dad was just an ASS who occasionally whooped me.. fucker. Couldn’t have taught a girl how to love and to be loved and saved her a lifetime of hurt, but he sure could toss her across a room from time to time.. 

  11. I was spanked by my dad. Sometimes it was even a paddle. And yes, sometimes we were fearful of it, so much that we, er, I mean, my brothers hid the paddle. We also laughed together and play-wrestled. On some level we understood that it was discipline, and that our dad loved us a lot.

  12. My dad didn’t use a belt on me, he had a hand of furry that hurt more than a belt. As I got older (around 6) I grew to fear the spankings. On one occasion, I had done something bad and my dad started yelling at me and told me to stay still. I ran through the living room screaming and jumped up on the Lazy-boy recliner thinking it would activate a “daddy shield”. My force hitting the recliner made it tip over. My dad started laughing and felt the fear of riding a tipping recliner was enough punishment.I think that I will spank my kids, but when I see mom’s out in public spanking theirs I have that weird social injustice feeling come over me that it’s wrong. I’m sure though, after I have kids and deal with their crap 24/7 I will be ready to beat them silly (with love) 🙂

  13. Mom was the main disciplinarian in our house. One time she chased me under the bed, then she started poking under the bed with a broom (yes, I said a broom). She couldn’t hit me, because I was holding myself off the floor by hands and toes, and clinging to the supports underneath the mattress.Then another time she chased me into the closet. I climbed up and laid down on the shelf near the top. She didn’t find me for hours.

  14. Did they ever beat you with a wooden spoon too? Oh this made me laugh so hard! I actually hid his belt once and he was so mad! I remember being *really* scared when his temple starter to move in and out. Sorry dunno how else to explain it. But he beat us and he went nuts.Not just when we misbehaved. I remember that too, my dad used to get so mad if my brother or me cried. Even if we had fallen down or whatever he would say ” I’ll give you something to cry about” lol Oh, the memories!

  15. I used to get my beatings from my mom. Until I was strong enough to revert the belt back at her.  JK. Just strong enough to not let her hit me. Although, I remember this one time she made me pee the bed, she stopped when I said I loved her. Hmph. My dad never laid a hand on me. As for my other siblings, different story. He’s a strong man. 😦 He cracked my brother’s head open with a color spray can because he was mad. My dad never really liked my brother, only because he didn’t see him grow up. My dad had problems. Several times would come home drunk and beat up my mom infront of, leaving her battered and bruised. Even held a gun to his and her head a few times. Of course, he says he’s sorry today. :/ I still wonder why my mom stayed with him for 24 years. 😐

  16. And here I thought it was a fight between who is the strongest.  Yea my dad whoop me to.  but I did not grow into the man I am now because of him.  it was TV. all my favorite super hero showed me the way.

  17. Haha, my dad always said “I’m going to make your butt glow in the dark” when I was pushing the line. I got spanked, but not often. My dad always just used his hand. It was over quick.I do remember the first time he asked me, at that crucial age when they’re not sure whether to use physical punishment or get more creative, “do you want a spanking now or do you want to be grounded for the rest of the day?” Pfft, I chose grounded. I was 10–where did I have to be?! Haha…(By the way, I find it somewhat funny that this turned into a debate about spankings. I also find it funny that people are telling you it wasn’t good for you, when you believe it was. You would know, right? )~V

  18. Wow.  From reading some of the comments, i’m considering myself VERY lucky.  I can count on one hand the times my dad gave me one of those beatings similar to what you just described.  The things is though, i HAVE to admit that i deserved all but one of them.  i REALLY did.  And the one i didn’t?  Well a year before he died, we talked about.  Just like me,, he remembered it as if it were yesterday.  He apologized and said he only did to show off for his dad and his brother.  They basically questioned his ability to be a disciplinarian and sure enough, i was the next one of the kids to violate a rule and he let me have it in front of them..SHEESH!!!But still, that’s nothing to what i know some of my friends went through.  i will think myself lucky!Thanks for sharing this and my opinion, is Yeah, Discipline seems to be on it’s way of becoming a lost art.

  19. Hmmm, all of these people who say “nowadays you cannot do that” don’t live in my house, I have noticed. But getting spanked with a belt seems a little much.

  20. I never got a beating like that… I was a well behaved but fairly spoiled child. I know this is intended to be funny and of course is overstated a bit…. LOL it actually is funny and well written but….. I still feel a bit sad for you somehow when I read it.

  21. there are so many different opinions about this. The thing I’m wondering though is, can we grow up, get past it, and know who our parents are now?My mom had anger issues when I was a kid. But none of us knew she was mentally ill. Not saying that anything your parents did was no big deal but, eventually you gotta just get past it and realize that you are all still people, and you aren’t three years old anymore. Remember to treat your parents like you would want to be treated, and don’t let the bad examples be the only thing you ever learn. We’re a new generation, and we don’t have to do what they did. And our kids will hopefully do better than us. As for this post, well- I can’t really tell whether it’s sarcasm or not. On a few occasions my mom pulled out the belt on me, and I don’t remember a single time where I knew what the reason was. But. There are also times when I remember her holding onto me and telling me she’d never let me go. And at the time, I didn’t understand her reason for that either. Parents are still people and molds still do not apply to them either. If this post is serious, then kudos to you for making the best out of your situation.

  22. @TheTheologiansCafe – I agree with you here.Dave, I’m sorry this happened. My dad was similar to yours. I don’t think it made me stronger. I think I’m strong in spite of it. It’s not something I will do with my children.You write very well. This is a really vivid, moving description.

  23. I’ve been hit with EVERYTHING.  wooden spoons, spatulas, hairbrushes, flyswatters, yardsticks, actual tree branches, flip flops, and several other miscellaneous household items.  I deserved every one of those beatings, and I’m glad I got them.  My parents loved me enough to beat the hell out of me, and I respect them for it.  I plan on raising my kids exactly the same way.

  24. Oh my God that’s freaking hilarious. I’m sorry for your poor butt. ha. my mom was the disciplinarian at my house and she had a skill with a chancla that I can only hope to one day have with my kids.  She also had amazing aim in the cases where I ran for it.

  25. Hahaha man, this made me laugh so much! I can totally relate hahaha. Although, my dad never used to beat me with a belt. He did it with wooden spoons and one other very funny item. Y’know those balloons from mcdonalds you can get which are attached to a stick? To most children, that balloon symbolises happiness. To me, it symbolises PAIN. Those sticks sting like a bitch! Although now I can see how he used weapons that hurt but wouldn’t actually hurt me, at the time it really really hurt. I’m glad I got disciplined though else I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I agree with you in that lack of this kind of discipline is what a lot of kids lack nowadays. I don’t agree in parents striking their kids in anger, but nothing can replace physical discpline. It just has to be given calmly as a disciplinary measure rather than “YOU LITTLE BASTARD YOU COME HERE YOU!!!”Hahaha when I read about you having to pick the belt, it reminded me of a line my parents used to use ALL the time. Right before the beating…”So, do you think you deserve to be beaten?”…such a lose lose situation for me.”No. :(.””So you’re not sorry for what you have done?!?!?!” *BEATS””Yes. :(.””Okay. Then hold your hands out / bend down over the stairs” (depending on severity of crime”.XD great post though mate :D.

  26. My parents were more the “WHAT THE HELL DID YOU JUST DO GET OVER HERE NOW!” type of people. They almost never made me wait. It was then and there. It was terrible.

  27. My mom was just like that. But there was a weeping willow in our yard and she’d tell us to go pick a switch. It wasn’t too bad as long as you were the last kid to get beat. After beating four other kids, her arm started to hurt. Great discipline for us!

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