WATCHMEN Movie Review

After seeing the director’s cut I give you my review…

I don’t do reviews very often. As a matter of fact, I can’t remember the last time I did one. (That is unless you count me having Paul Blart Mall Cop in my post about various forms of poop.) That being said, I hadn’t been so excited to see a movie as I was to see the WATCHMEN. Now that I’ve seen it, I feel the need to discuss.


I will be judging this movie based on five categories. These categories were all things I was looking for while watching the movie. They were the things needed to make this particular movie great. At the end I will formulate these into one general score for the movie.

Category 1: The Zach Snyder Effect
Being that this movie was directed by Zach Snyder (The 300), I was expecting alot. The movie did not disappoint. The action scenes were very well choreographed and Snyder seemed to maintain a good grasp of how much special effects should be relied upon. He did not try to make the heroes look too cartoonish. This moveie had a very real feel to it.

What also pleased me was how he was not afraid to let the dialogue stand alone for great lengths of time. The characters in this movie are very intricate and the storyline takes time ti develop. At it’s core, it is not a shoot em’ up thrill ride. Snyder did not try to make it one.

Zach Snyder’s Rating: Four and a half out of five spartans
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Category 2: Closeness To The Book
For anyone who hasn’t read the book, please do so. It was great. I had the pleasure of reading it recently and fully expected that Hollywood would have to change a bunch of things about it to appease a mass audience. I was pleasantly surprised to find that I was wrong. The makers of this movie stayed closer to the book than virtually any comic book movie I can remember. The only thing that was noticably different was some of the ending. And that is understandable becasue the real book ending was just weird as shit. Alot of the dialogue was word for word from the book. Which was smart of them since that dialogue was so damn good. The film had so much reverence for the book that it even had one of it’s main characters, Dr. Manhattan (a.k.a. the blue dude), strut around in the nude for most of the movie. That’s how it was in the book, that’s how it was in the movie.

Now I know watching a blue penis flop around for half the movie can be distracting. This can be especially true when watching said blue falice in IMAX! My brother’s very short review of the movie was “Too much blue cock for me!” But as a true fan of the book, I appreciated that blue cock. They were keeping it real funky. Dr. Manhattan is damn near a god, what the hell does he have to wear pants for? If I were a god I would let it all hang too. Besides, would my brother have minded if it were some big blue breasts flopping around? No one seemed to complain about this .

Book Integrity Rating: Five out of five naked blue dudes
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(Sidenote: No Homo for that whole last part.)

Category 3: Acting
One thing I was a bit worried about was the acting. There really weren’t any A list acotrs signed on to do this movie and I knew going in how complex the characters were. The Comedian (a.k.a. Edward Blake) in particular was a real puzzle of a man. The acting for the most part was pretty good. Jackie Earle Haley, who played Rorshach, was the standout in the group. He brought the character to life with the same cool and sinister demeanor that we love about Rorshach in the book. The scene where he as killed by Dr. Manhattan in the end was even more powerful than in the book. And I knew what was going to happen!

Most of the other actors were good. The only one who could have been better was the ironically named Matthew Goode. He played Ozymandias, the world’s smartest man. I did not believe him in that role.

Acting Rating: Three out of five Rorshachs

General Overview
The Watchmen was a great movie. The story is intersting, relevant, and exciting all at the same time. It is sexy, gritty, and unabashedly gory. The trouble with movies such as these is it’s often difficult for them to live up to the hype. This movie does so. I can’t say it was the best comic book movie I’ve ever seen (Sin City is one that comes to mind as being slightly better), but it is definitely up there. It’s a bit nerdy and definitely a bit offensive at times. It definitely isn’t for everyone (especially kids!), but overall I loved it.

Overall Rating:  Four out of five bloody smiley faces.



  1. It’s a great film, but they wrap up the whole Ozymandias is the badguy thing really quick and in the comic book, it takes some time. Of course, the giant alien squid was missingm, but it was okay….nuclear explosion had the same effect.

  2. Without knowlege of the background on the film actually makes the film less attactive. Most of the people that watched it without knowing the prior story really felt bored of the movie because of the dialog.  Blue cock? I don’t mind it since I watch porn all the time, and it didn’t bother me when a guy t-bags a girl on the face.

  3. Back when it came out in theatres, hubby and I won free tickets to the first midnight screening in our city. It was pretty awesome. I had never read the book so I didn’t know what to expect. I thought it was alright, as far as comic book based movies go. It was pretty gory though and I had to look away fro mthe screen a few times because I was so grossed out, but the abundance of blue penis certainly made up for that.

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