Yesterday I took a day off from work to go to Six Flags Great Adventure. I was prepared for a day filled with coasters, boardwalk games, and funnel cake. What I was not prepared for was all the underage boobage that had flooded the park. It was insane!
Everywhere I looked yesterday there was some big chested 14 year old with her cleavage on full display. Some wearing tube tops, some wearing bikini tops, some wearing tiny V-Necks. Doesn’t anyone wear just regular t-shirts anymore? Cover yourselves up a bit! One girl even had the nerve to wear a shirt that said “shake your coconuts”. That is just not right! How am I not supposed to stare at that? If not just for the fact that I am in pure shock!
Also, whatever happened to flat chested teenaged girls? Have they gone the way of the dinosaur and singers who can actually sing? I am convinced that more and more of these girls are having boob jobs at young ages. The milk hormones can’t be that strong can they?
Early in the day I had tried to avoid looking. I felt kind of dirty each time. I would catch myself glancing and then quickly realize that this girl, while dressed like a 21 year old hooker, is still maybe 15 at best. “Look away Dave! Look away!” Then another one would pass by with some tied up wet tee and a pair of friggin boxers as her shorts and I’d get caught looking again. I felt like Chris Hansen was dressed up as one of the Looney Tunes characters and was about to get me.
By the end of the day I just stopped trying altogether. There was no avoiding it. Instead I just said a little prayer in my head everytime a particularly loose looking girl passed me by;
Lord, forgive me for I have sinned… I think,
Please forgive my wandering eyes today lord.
It is kind of hard to look the other way
when I see buttcheeks hanging out of some girl’s short shorts.
I am only human, it is in my nature to look at such things.
Lord, I ask that you watch over that little girl right there
with the bikini top that barely covers her nipples.
I pray that she does not become the victim of a cruel frat party date rape,
and that she does not become addicted to drugs
after repeatedly having things slipped into her drinks and cigarettes.
Watch over her lord. Please. She’s just a little girl.
A seemingly slutty, unpure little girl, but a little girl no less.
Thanks again big guy. Amen.