Proof That I Ain’t Right in the Head

When I was in college at Binghamton University, my white friends and I used to have Bad Movie Nights every so often. Most times nothing good came of this, although there was that one epic viewing of Kazaam.

“I’m the man of the ages, straight from the pages!” 

One day we went down to the video store and headed down to the horror section. (Note: As a general rule, the best bad movies are always horror movies.) We picked up a movie called “Beware Children at Play” because we absolutely loved the title. Little did we know that we were about to watch maybe the greatest bad movie ever.

I can’t really tell you what the movie was about because, like any respectable bad movie, it made absolutely no sense. I know there were cannibalistic children, bible thumping Pennsyvanians, and an obligatory boob shot. The story was horrible, the acting was worse, and the special effects were even worse that that.

Two scenes really made this movie the classic that it is. The opening scene was one. It starts out with a little boy and his father camping. The father is telling his little boy a mixture of creepy local legends and occult propoganda. Soon after the father is caught in a bear trap and no one is around to save him. He gets maggots or something and dies and the scene ends with the son sacrificing him (I think) and eating his heart or kidney or some vital organ. It really was difficult to know exactly what was going on.

To really appreciate this movie though you have to watch the end scene. I am not even going to bother describing it because I would do it no justice. I’ll just let you see for yourselves. (Please note the brilliant special effects).

Beware Children at Play Final Scenelink here



  1. Again, I’ll have to check it out when I get home. But yeah, I already knew you weren’t right in the head. It’s the prerequisite for all comedians. LOL

  2. @Roadlesstaken – that is the beauty of it. Like when they blow that kid with the Yankee cap’s head off. If you pause it right there you can see clearly when they switch it to a balloon. It was just plain white balloon with a Yankees hat on top.

  3. Wow. I am appalled. It’s a mixture of feelings because although you are right on with the horrible acting and special effects (wtf at the scene wear the woman “impales” the kid with a machete?), it’s also showing adults slaughter children. I was chuckling at some of the fake stuff, but at the same time, I was thinking “Why am I even laughing? This is horrible!” Bad movie nights sounds super fun though. I should try that with some friends sometime. 

  4. Have you ever seen *Death Valley: The Revenge of Bloody Bill?* CHEESY scary movie, lol… I watched that clip… and right as the kid was getting the pitchfork to the throat, my 3 year old walked into the office, gasped, and said *That was a naughty boy to get killed!*I’m a bad mom :-/

  5. b b b bbbb…I don’t WANT to watch the end cuz what if I actually watch the movie someday?but Dude, you sound like So Much Fun. I wish I’d had classmates like you but, O…I might have flunked out for lack of studying

  6. The guy whipping out the crossbow was what did it for me. That was amazing.I highly recommend the horror movie “Santa’s Slay.” It’s about a fucked up Santa, as played by Goldberg. It is brilliant.

  7. BRAVO!!  BRAVO!!  I love it.  We get a Buffalo channel here in SW Ontario that has really bad old movies on Saturday night – and a bunch of “Beat-niks sit around yakking about it as it plays. Maybe you’ve seen it?  This one is a beaut.   hahahahahahahaha Thanks a ton,  first laugh I’ve had all day.

  8. I think the most disturbing thing about this entire post is that we all watched it (well most of us anyway).  Despite how horrific it was and knowing that it was bad, bad, bad, we just kept on watching it till the bitter end.  At several points in the 3:03 minute clip I thought, “This is too horrible to watch,” but I just kept on watching.Oh we with the dark humor and twisted minds are a rare breed indeed.So glad to know that I am in such good company.  LOL

  9. You know, I don’t watch horror movies, so I can’t even click the link to the epically bad one you’ve offered up today. Suffice it to say that I’ll take you at your word that “you ain’t right in the head” and wholeheartedly agree that the worst movies usually are filed in the horror section. You win, I concede. No arguments here. Move along now…

  10. Wow, this is indeed awesome. It’s hard to believe someone actually made this, so I looked it up. As far as I can find it is the only thing the director has ever directed, or the writer ever written. Not surprising, but wow.Good find!

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