About a week ago, I was on the train standing in front of a mother and her little girl. The mother was a tired and frustrated looking young woman who seemed to be no older than 20 years old. Her daughter was a bouncy little thing who looked to be about 5 or 6 years old. As I’m standing there the little girl starts swinging her legs back and forth, narrowly missing my shins four or five times. There wasn’t much romm on the car so I could only move but so far.
I looked at the mother to see if she would intervene on my behalf, but she seemed to be off on some distant planet. The child eventually switched from swinging her legs to climbing off and on to her seat so I started to find her slightly less annoying. However, that was not for long.
Just as I was beginning to ignore this little girl and her inattentive mother , a homeless woman came on to the train and began to sing an absolutely beautiful version of Ave Maria. Everyone was captivated by her moving rendition. While she was singing, I noticed the little girl in front of me began to giggle. A few seconds later her giggling became chuckling. Before long the chuckling became full blown laughing (complete with blatant pointing).
The woman who was singing was amazingly undeterred and continued with unshaken dignity. The whole time I am watching this little girl point and laugh, and watching her mother for signs of life, and NOTHING! I was outraged, just as the rest of the people on the train were. Just when I thought I couldn’t get any madder, the little girl turns to her mother and asks in a loud voice, “mommy, can you tell the homeless lady to shutup?”
I have never been so angry at a six year old in my life! Plus, the mother still had no reaction! She just sat there staring off into space! I can’t stop using exclamation points!
Meanwhile, I am standing in front of this demon spawn, amazed by her cataonic mother, and feeling bad for the singer who is now clearly hurt and offended. I was repeating the same thing over and over in my head as I looked on the shitty little smirk on the little girl’s face;
“What the fuck? You gonna just sit there while your daughter does this shit? Smack her damnit. SMACK THE SHIT OUT OF HER! I can’t do it without risking incarceration or else I would. She’s your shitty ass kid, so please, PLEASE, smack that fucking brat.”
Just as I thought nothing was going to happen, the mother turns with feline quickness and SMACKS THE SHIT OUT OF HER. It was as if the hand of God had reached down from heaven. One minute I’m watching her giggle with a demented smirk on her face, the next her face disappeared behind her mom’s pimp hand. You ever have a grown up tell you tell you they’ll smack that smirk right off your face? Well that’s what had just happened right in front of me.
In the awkward silence that ensued (The girl didn’t even cry because she was so stunned. If you’ve ever witnessed a stunner slap you know exactly what I am talking about.), I found myself caught in an interesting whirlwind of emotions. Here’s what my inner dialogue sounded like:
“God Damn! She slapped the shit out of her. About damn time, what took her so long? Aww shit, wait a minute. Maybe I have psychic powers. Hells yeah. Damn look at that handprint. That’s gonna leave a mark. Damn, I actually feel kinda bad. Like I’m partially responsible. I should probably be more careful with my psychic abilities. Oh thank goodness, here’s my stop.”