Beware the Stunner Slap!

About a week ago, I was on the train standing in front of a mother and her little girl. The mother was a tired and frustrated looking young woman who seemed to be no older than 20 years old. Her daughter was a bouncy little thing who looked to be about 5 or 6 years old. As I’m standing there the little girl starts swinging her legs back and forth, narrowly missing my shins four or five times. There wasn’t much romm on the car so I could only move but so far.

I looked at the mother to see if she would intervene on my behalf, but she seemed to be off on some distant planet. The child eventually switched from swinging her legs to climbing off and on to her seat so I started to find her slightly less annoying. However, that was not for long.

Just as I was beginning to ignore this little girl and her inattentive mother , a homeless woman came on to the train and began to sing an absolutely beautiful version of Ave Maria. Everyone was captivated by her moving rendition. While she was singing, I noticed the little girl in front of me began to giggle. A few seconds later her giggling became chuckling. Before long the chuckling became full blown laughing (complete with blatant pointing).

The woman who was singing was amazingly undeterred and continued with unshaken dignity. The whole time I am watching this little girl point and laugh, and watching her mother for signs of life, and NOTHING! I was outraged, just as the rest of the people on the train were. Just when I thought I couldn’t get any madder, the little girl turns to her mother and asks in a loud voice, “mommy, can you tell the homeless lady to shutup?”

I have never been so angry at a six year old in my life!  Plus, the mother still had no reaction! She just sat there staring off into space! I can’t stop using exclamation points!

Meanwhile, I am standing in front of this demon spawn, amazed by her cataonic mother, and feeling bad for the singer who is now clearly hurt and offended. I was repeating the same thing over and over in my head as I looked on the shitty little smirk on the little girl’s face;

“What the fuck? You gonna just sit there while your daughter does this shit? Smack her damnit. SMACK THE SHIT OUT OF HER! I can’t do it without risking incarceration or else I would. She’s your shitty ass kid, so please, PLEASE, smack that fucking brat.”

Just as I thought nothing was going to happen, the mother turns with feline quickness and SMACKS THE SHIT OUT OF HER. It was as if the hand of God had reached down from heaven. One minute I’m watching her giggle with a demented smirk on her face, the next her face disappeared behind her mom’s pimp hand. You ever have a grown up tell you tell you they’ll smack that smirk right off your face? Well that’s what had just happened right in front of me.

In the awkward silence that ensued (The girl didn’t even cry because she was so stunned. If you’ve ever witnessed a stunner slap you know exactly what I am talking about.), I found myself caught in an interesting whirlwind of emotions. Here’s what my inner dialogue sounded like:

“God Damn! She slapped the shit out of her. About damn time, what took her so long? Aww shit, wait a minute. Maybe I have psychic powers. Hells yeah. Damn look at that handprint. That’s gonna leave a mark. Damn, I actually feel kinda bad. Like I’m partially responsible. I should probably be more careful with my psychic abilities. Oh thank goodness, here’s my stop.”



  1. Wow, what a freakin brat! I’m not sure how long I would have lasted without smacking her OR the mom. Good work with the psychic powers. Now, the question is, do you use them for good or evil? Hmmm.p.s. I had a dream about you last night (not dirty) but I don’t really remember anything about it. Except that you had a laptop with a bag thing and you left it at my house. When you came to get it we realized my dad had taken it thinking it was his. ?? No idea…

  2. Not into slapping kids. But I do agree that the child seems to require discipline. (I also agree with sweetlovinlife, it sounds like both mother and daughter were going through a hard time. Unofortunately, we’ll never know.)

  3. Haha wow, that sounded like an amazing moment!I used to work at a school supply store geared towards elementary kids and there were so many times I just wanted to kick a baby.I swear.

  4. but now that you know the mom does slap her kid… why is the kid still such a brat?maybe the mom should actually tell her that she is being a brat and explain to her why she slapped her. because obviously, the kid was completely clueless about the monster she was being. which is sad. most kids at least know when they are doing something wrong.<3

  5. @sweetlovinlife – Kick. A baby. These kids were atrocious and what makes it worse is that I worked in a neighborhood inhabited by wealthy/rich families so these children felt entitled to do as they please and God forbid anyone ever tells them “No”.

  6. @MangoWOW –’d literally kick a baby?? A small helpless baby? lol I don’t believe you. But are those children babies? They don’t sound like it, and i hate those kind of kids they are insane and stupid and yes I’d be tempted to kick those kind of kids…

  7. Ugh, I don’t get when parents don’t discipline their kids in some way when they start getting unruly. While I’m glad the mother finally did something, I wonder if it was a little too late. I would have done something as soon as she started swinging her legs like that.

  8. I spot a repost…. unless you ran into the SAME girl, the SAME mother, and the same beautiful rendition of Ave Maria from a homeless woman? Still a good story. Can you imagine what the world would be like if our thoughts actually appeared in thought bubbles over our heads? 

  9. @TheTheologiansCafe – the parent was a child!@StewieIsMyHero – haha. RANDOM!!! I don’t even have a bag thingy for my laptop.@ModernBunny – It was one hell of a slap too. As much as I hated that kid at that moment I was still thinking that wasn’t right.@MangoWOW – lol. That is just wrong!@Alyxandri –  She just looked like she had no nusiness having a kid.@C0ll33Ncorps – Couple hundred! That’s when you gotta get a broom or a large stick.@TheCheshireGrins – yeah I would have appreciated it if she had done that.

  10. I’m laughing so hard I almost spilled my beer when I reached to get a snot rag to clean up the spew that exploded  out of my nostrils!!!    I hope you put your new found super powers to good use. There are some pretty messed up fuckin’ people out there. Get to work.

  11. @vanedave – I have a severe medical problem, am stuck inside, disabled, so time has no meaning to me much these days. I’ve been drinking since about 7 am  today.  This story was terrific. It reminded me of what the great Rodney Dangerfield once said:  “God, now I understand why some animals eat their young.”   heheheheheh  Thanks for another terrific post. It’s too bad you couldn’t send this one into Readers Digest. hahahahahahahaa

  12. Makes you wonder what goes on back at home! But yeah, someone said they would have encouraged the woman to keep singing and I would have done the same and everyone else probably would have pitched in. Whether she’s homeless or lives in a mansion, she shouldn’t have had to go through what Satan’s spawn was telling her. Devil children like that make me want to get my tubes tied ASAP. I’ll be damned if my kids are little heathens. Oh hell no!

  13. if that were my mama, she wouldve gotten slapped when she was swinging her legs. for the singing lady’s sake, the mama should’ve acted earlier, but i’m sure she felt a tad bit better seeing that child get slapped. i know i would have.@MystDaPimP – my sentiments exactly

  14. Sounds to me like the mother was the one deserving of the slap not the child. A 6 year old left to their own devices will obviously act in a childish manner that should be no suprise to anyone. When a 6 year old reaches the point that she aggravates others to the point of violence it is usually due to bad parenting which is really not the childs fault at all. In situations like that I am generally ready to strangle the parent not the child.

  15. I work in a small retail store. I repeat, SMALL.  There was this child,  probably 8 or 9 that had these two little bell  things that looked a bit like cymbals, connected to each other, and he kept banging them together.   It was the most  shrill  awful  noise I’ve ever heard in my life.  Worse than fingernails  on a chalkboard.  Everytime he rang them, I swear I twitched, it was awful.  My solution so  that I didn’t take the bells away and chuck them  at his  head?… I went in the back to work on things and let my coworker deal with the noise.  Ha!

  16. She slapped the kid across the face???  Isn’t that..y’know, not good?  I mean, if you misjudge the force of a slap to the face, you can do much worse damage than misjudging a smack on the bottom. But yeah, what a brat!

  17. If that were my kid I’d also ask them to give a formal apology to the singer.  Followed up by another apology from me.  I don’t tolerate disrespect especially to older people.  Call me old fashioned.  But then again, my kids would never do anything like that. ~bleujinx.

  18. I would have felt bad too, but that little girl richly deserved that slap. That mom was probably just sick of dealing with her (and I can see why), hence the tardiness of the response.

  19. yep smack that bitch up. I have actually had to tell a parent that if they didn’t disapline their child I would do it for them.  They asked me what give me the right… i simply pulled out my wallet let the pictures hang down and said with a smirk, I brought 2 in I can take 2 out. 

  20. Eh, a slap is more embarassing, than harmful. I’ve been slapped with the palm, backhanded, etc. etc. by my mom. When I was 7 I said to a hostess, “Could you make this sandwich any worse?” There was a momentary mortified silence, punctuated by a “*SMACK* Don’t you EVER say something like that again!” from my mom.

  21. I’ve also begun mastering stunner smacks. I don’t go for the face though. My nephew started having a little hissy fit at his mom, mom didn’t do anything, Uncle Matt popped out of the office, smacked him on the butt, and popped back into the office. I peeked around the corner, and he was absolutely silent, looking around, wondering, “What the HELL just happened?”

  22. I agree with the people who said clearly this mother and child both are having some problems. If a child that age is acting that way, I have to wonder what the home life is like. She’s too little to understand how cruel what she said was. And I don’t ever condone slapping a child across the face that way. I believe in discipline, but that doesn’t seem as if it was done for discipline so much as being an act of anger. I feel sad for that poor woman who was singing too.

  23. I can see where the kid would have been hella annoying, but what the heck kind of mother acts like that?  She’s setting the kid up and then crucifying her for her own (the mother’s) inability to not have the situation arise in the first place.Kathi

  24. Dear Dave,This is what you do when you see a parent not taking care of their obnoxious brat of a child:1. “I cant stand these trifling azz parents that don’t know what the eff they doing with their bad azz kids” You say this loud while looking at the person directly behind the parent in question. One of two things will happen, the parent will feel ashamed and move, or they will come at you. Either way, you get some kind of reliefe, you cant beat a kid that isnt yours but you can beat the breaks of a grown up! However, if that grown up is a woman, its always handy to preform these task with a female on your side.Or you just stand up and “accidentally drop” something on the head of the child knocking it out until yo reach your destination. I have never tried any of these myself, but i am pretty sure they might work.

  25. Sounds to me like the mom might have been ON something… she let her daughter be out of hand for WAY too long… There is no way my kids would get as far as the smack…

  26. wow, remind me to not bring my future children around you. hahaI know what you mean about having a guilty conscience after you see a brat of a kid get a beating in public. I hate that!

  27. Humm, in that situation, and since I mostly travel with the kiddos….I would have made a very loud verbal lesson out of the whole thing. Such as saying in my bestest Mommy voice…”now kiddos, that lady’s voice is beautiful and should you ever ruin a sound like that by acting like that little girl, I will smack you!”

  28. That is awesome and this is one of the funniest things I have ever read. My mom would have smacked me after the first sign of the first giggle. Dang, my mom WAS psychic and would have smacked me for thinking about kicking your shins and I would have been silent through Ave Maria because I, like any good child, feared wrath. I still do.

  29. I  *hate* kids who act up. I see that shit happen in the library all the time.IfI acted up even a TENTH of the way that demon spawn did, my folks wouldhave whacked me one. If I were around my other relatives, they wouldhave whacked me one. Then they’d tell my parents and I’d get it againwhen I got home.If parents can’t control their damn kids, they need to leave them the fuck home.

  30. Well, some people have their own ways of handling situations like that. Like with my autistic brother, if he’s being a brat, I’ll just calmly tell him to stop being a monster, then explain why he’s upsetting me. My mom on the other hand just screams at him and he screams back. Depends on the maturity of certain people, but I think she handled it swiftly and well. Better than her screaming at her kid like a lunatic, right? 

  31. I don’t think she needed to physically punish her instead she could have just tried to talk sense into her. Kids do such stuff just to get more attention. i think one should realize that his/her kid is just calling out to be noticed a little more. She wasn’t really even doing anything worth getting such painful punishment.We don’t go around slapping our co-workers if we don’t like what they’re doing, do we? Well, Children deserve the same respect. It shows poor self-control and inability to implement better harmless solutions.

  32. While I don’t advocate hitting kids….I’m making my exception here. What the hell? I’m willing to bet that the train isn’t the only place mommy dearest chooses to be ignorant of her child’s behavior. certainly isn’t the kids fault. I would have said something outright to that Mom. And would probably have received my own stunner slap whilst smirking.

  33. Hey dave – ABD here! I have so wanted to do that to some folks OR their “demon spawn” at times and never took the opportunity. I am so glad that you got to witness your dark desire on that little shit! Congrats – not all of us get that kind of pleasure!

  34. LOL oh my goodness that was an amazing story.  My emotions were on the same ride yours went on. Then you became psychic?!?! I had to cover my mouth just to stop from waking the guy in the next room.  You have made my day.

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