My Struggle

There are days when I wake up and I say to myself, “Crap! I am right where I was yesterday!” I mean it’s not that where I was yesterday is so bad, it’s just that I was there yesterday, and the day before that, and the day before that. When is that next space gonna open up already?

I feel like I’ve been in a holding pattern for a long time now. I can see so many steps ahead of me, but I’m just not quite ready to take them yet. I have had many people preach patience to me, and trust me, I understand how necessary it is. At the same time, I just can’t shake the feeling of being anxious to take my life off of hold.

hold
Ahh! This hold music sucks so much ass! 

I am beginning to feel the need for more. I’ve always wanted more, but now I NEED IT. How to go about getting more is the problem. Do I go back to school? Do I really need more loans in my life? Do I get a second job? Is that even possible in this job market? 

Then there is the whole question of my stand-up comedy “career”. I put “career” in quotations because it has been anything but a career to this point. It has cost me way more money than it has earned me so far. I started out doing it because I wanted to have fun with it. I said to myself that I would do it until it was no longer fun. I still have fun with it, but I must admit that I am coming to a point where I can no longer afford to do it just as a novelty. These motherfuckers are gonna have to start paying my ass.

pimpdave
Is PimpDave gonna have to slap a bitch? Where’s my damn money?!!!  

I have not been in the business all that long, but I am quickly becoming bitter. The amount of sheer shit comedy that I (and my poor girlfriend) have been subjected to has been mind boggling. I sit in the clubs sometimes and just shake my head in bewilderment. “How is this guy still doing comedy? Hasn’t anyone told him he sucks?” I can’t even watch Premium Blend on Comedy Central anymore. I watch and wonder who the hell they had to sleep with to get where they’re at? Point them out to me, I’ll sleep with them! It honestly pains me that some of those people are on TV.

I have been lucky enough to find a woman that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I know this. I’ve known this for at least two years now. On top of this, I even know she feels the same way. Next step is to get married, no? Yep. After we figure out our housing situation, which is on hold right now. See we live in New York, which is a great city to live in, but also expensive as hell. Not to mention the fact that the housing market is a damn mess. There are programs to help first time home owners, but the salary guidelines are ridiculous. We are in that class where we are making too much money to qualify for anything, but to little money to qualify for a decent loan. 

Sigh.

So the plan right now is to save. For how long, we don’t know. We wait and see how the market recovers, if it ever does. We wait and try to keep budgeting, and hoping for some kind of break. I occasionally look at listings outside of New York just to torture myself. 150,000 for a four bedroom house? That sounds nice. If only we could do that. We would buy that house, get married, and get along with life.

But instead, I wait. That is my struggle.

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46 comments

  1. Why don’t you want to move outside of New York?  I can testify that Chicago is a great city, clean, great people, tons to do and about half the cost of living of NYC, if not even less if you live in one of the ‘burbs.  Even if it isn’t Chicago, I don’t get why people are so attached to NYC even when it’s draining their wallets…

  2. ..You can afford a 4 Bedroom house for oh………..less than 100K in ATL with all these foreclosures (LOL) AND..we have great comedy clubs (not sure what your target audience is………….). Hey..you can make a plan..or MAKE IT PLAIN. (as my Grandpa used to say!)

  3. Outside of Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert, Comedy Central seems to pretty much suck. It also pains me to hear “Mark and Brian in the Morning”, two of the most unfunny DJs spouting the most unfunny material ever. It pains me because I know they’re getting paid while MUCH funnier talent is blogging on Xanga for nothing.

  4. Moving out of NY may seem sad now, but once you have a family, its not so far fetched. Its great to be able to buy your own home, and pass it down to your offspring. Thats why we bought one in ohio- renting it out now, and loving it!Hey, it will only get better from here. P.S. Listening to Jay’s Blueprint 3- Greatness….Get on aim if you want me to send it to you.

  5. @mixedbabiesrock – Well for me it’s simple. New York is my home. Always has been, and for the forseeable future always will be. New York is me.@TheMochaPeach – At this point if I am moving anywhere, it will not be to do stand-up. Gotta have something a bit more stable than that. Atlanta would be nice though. @ModernBunny – yep. Exactly. These no talent ass clowns are EVERYWHERE!@XDaemonessX – yep. I read every one of them. I haven’t commented on any of them though because I don’t want to tip my hand or seem biased in any way.@mrsprosa – I can’t get on AIM at work. Damnit. I’ll just have to wait. Did you see him on Bill Maher btw?

  6. @vanedave – Mmm maybe that’s why you feel stuck?  Home is where you can grow the most and make a good life for you and your family.  I understand the sentiment but limiting your entire life to a single city seems…well, limited.That being said, I can rent out my front room to you and future wifey – I’ll give you good price.

  7. Hurry up and wait?  For the perfect everything to happen?  Get out into the muck Dave and Live Live Live.  I have reinvented myself several times and I discovered a whole lot more about myself along the way.  I got marriead at the county courthouse, then bought champagne and called everyone.  Life and love are a big fat risk.  I have not loved every minute of it hanging by the seat of my pants at times, but it has been a fabulous life. Okay! Off the soap box. (pats heart and points to you) 

  8. it won’t last forever. 😀 you are lucky you have someone and an idea where you want to take your life.goodluck with the rest! and as for the “career”, that so sucks! you’re a great comedian, why’s it going wrong?!

  9. Wow, 150 for a 4 bedroom house?!?!? I’d move there if I could, that is just unheard of here in California…I listen to this comedy channel on XM and I often wonder how some of those guys even get on there… But for now, I wait for the day I see your name come across my radio screen… One day.. and I’ll be ready with my camera. 

  10. awww. yeah…sucks being middle class right now, especially when you’re a person of color.  you’re expected to be self-sufficient.  booo to that!  who said race wasn’t a factor?  even in CA. 

  11. Hey, don’t feel bad. We all struggle somehow – and I’m sure your girlfriend understands, especially since I’m betting she’s going to want to help out with your wedding/house/future lives together. Don’t freak – it’ll all work out in the end.

  12. Buying a house won’t make any sense for at least the next 10-20 years, so forget it already. I’ve lived through a 20 year housing recession in both Holland and in Japan, not by physically being there, but by having interests at stake in both situations. There is no good reason to be buying a house for the foreseeable future. Live cheaply, rent, save. It can be done, even in the city.

  13. This is the part where the New Yorker packs up and heads for L.A. Well, perhaps not the smartest move, either. I hear they could use some laughs in Detroit.This is part where someone says “do what you love and the money will follow” or something similarly useless. I say: stay strong. 

  14. I am totally with @Jaynebug – on this.  Get married.  It is the one thing that you can do that you know you really want.  Why do you need a house first.  Take that one commited step and maybe others will commit to you?  Stay in NY.  Oh, and I was always told if you are frustrated, it means you are about to have a breakthru.

  15. Part of it is your age, honey. You’re what? Late 20’s? Maybe early 30’s? It’s a tough transition point where you’re past the “entry level” and you’ve already worked a while, have experience, etc. and are READY for that next thing. Me? I’ve got kids and a sweet gig working from home. For right now, that’s what I want. Later, another 4+ years down the road when I’m truly empty-nesting, maybe I’ll want more again. But for now, work has it’s proper place in my life… a means to an end; not an end unto itself.Honey, if you and your sweetie KNOW you want to spend the rest of your life together; do not let a ridiculous housing market postpone your nuptials. That will work itself out over time; and you’re both just as capable of saving being married as you are being unmarried but still committed, no? Not a damn one of us is promised a tomorrow; so make the most of today, will ya? 

  16. heh, there are a lot of bad comedians getting airtime on tv.  i don’t like it either, man.struggles are meant to be overcome, you know.  get on it.  and show me jessica Alba’s letter, now.

  17. Hum, my boyfriend bought our house for 100,000 and it’s 3 bedrooms, 1 bathroom. What i would give for another bathroom though. Oddly 100k is really cheap around here i guess, because our house isn’t nothing fancy. we have 1970 god awful pink tile counters in the kitchen. i live in freaking barbie’s house!sledgehammer someday will prevail on my countertops.

  18. the Comedy Central standup quality has been on a steady decline since around 2003. With the exceptions of Christopher Titus (who was around beforehand anyway), Jim Gaffigan (whose last hour actually sucked now that I think of it, he should have quit after Beyond the Pale) and Jeff Dunham, I can’t think of any truly good recent specials. You’ll make it. Don’t worry.

  19. I used to wait around for life to happen.  I believed it just would, that I was sort of along for the ride.  I  was  frustrated.  I felt the same way that you’re describing (without the significant other and marriage on the horizon).  And then I  made a decision.  I moved out of state.  Things were good for awhile, then I got fired, got a new job and now I felt that stuck feeling again.  So I took a leap of  faith and gave my notice to quit my job.  My last day will be tomorrow, and I have another job lined up.  You don’t have to be patient.  Take a leap of faith.  Put your name out there.  Talk to people everywhere.  Network.  It can happen.  If you ever think about moving to Denver, I have names to give you of people to talk to.  I also know a position open in minnesota to be like a project manager for an independently owned business.   Good luck to you.

  20. Be bold, be brave and change something now. Anything. The way to get stuck in a rut is not to climb out of the rut. I’m not saying you should be reckless, but take a risk. Even if you fail, you’ll be in a different place – one that maybe is just a little close to where you want to be – you know, like doing a lateral in football – you’re not going to move forward at first . . . but then something magically opens up. The best thing I can tell you is that you’re young and you are at a point where you can always recover quickly. Have you asked for money for your standup? Have you asked for more responsibility at work? Don’t put off looking for a second job . . . one of the things about a lot of unemployed people is that employers know they can hire easily if the people they already have suck, so they keep an eye out. Patience is good sometimes, but times like these are so full of opportunity to the clever people who recognize it. Are you clever, Dave?

  21. I think we all come to this point in life. I give your major props for trying to do stand up. I don’t think I’d ever have the courage to do that. In the entertainment business it’s more of who you know then if you have talent. (My sister lived in New York and her hubby tried to do acting but had trouble without any connections.)  My sister finally left NYC after 8 years because she was tired of being broke all the time. Have you thought of a destination wedding? The said sister got married in Florida and saved a fortune because it cut down on the number of people she could invite, and those who didn’t really want to make the road ttrip down there. Good luck with everything.

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