It’s Good to be Wrong Sometimes

A year ago, when my little cousin Liam was born, I wrote about feeling a little dead inside. I found myself disinterested in the child because of the distance I felt between his mother and I. Valerie, Liam’s mother/my cousin, had been somewhat of a big sister to me in my eyes for much of my life, and here I was saying that I feel no connection whatsoever to her child. It really made me sad.

As the year went by there was little change. We spoke on the phone once or twice and I told her how I felt. Of course there is always the excuse that life is hectic, and I understand that it is sometimes, but that excuse can only be used but so many times. I still felt the distance. I still felt entirely left out.

Valerie would send pictures of the baby growing up surrounded by all sorts of people. I would routinely ignore them all. When she started making plans to come to New York I did not feel the same level of excitement that I would have before. I did not even know what to think about meeting her baby. Liam was almost like a complete stranger to me in my mind. 

Many people tried to tell me that I would feel different as soon as I saw Liam. All the petty things would cease matter once I got to hold him and play with him. My simple answer to that was “bullshit”. The way I felt, I just could not believe that would be the case. Things just don’t get fixed that quickly.

About a week ago Valerie finally arrived in New York City with Liam. I didn’t even see her for the first two days she was here. I had things to do. She did not seem too pleased with me because of that, but she did not make a big deal of it either.

Paintball
If you must know, I had to go paintballing that day. Very important stuff! 

On the third day I finally made it over to see her and the baby. It was then that I found out that I was totally wrong. This is the part where I eat my words.

As soon as I met this kid I felt a connection with him. He is so full of personality, it was impossible not to. I don’t know if he felt the same type of thing, but he was talking to me and seemed to be pretty comfortable with me from the get go. There was absolutely no mistaking that this kid was my blood.

As for Valerie she was really great with me once we were actually together. I felt like she really was trying to give me a chance to bond with Liam. She called me to come with her when she was putting him to sleep, she encouraged the baby to go to me. It was really cool.

So it seems that things are not always as messed up as they seem. I mean they are not the way I wish they were, but how often are things the way we wish they were? I don’t know how this will all pan out from here. I don’t know if she continues to make an effort to include me in Liam’s life. All I know for sure is that I really want to be a big part of his life, which is a stark contrast from a year ago.

liam
I am glad I was wrong.

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49 comments

  1. Maybe a similar thing will happen with me and my child (if/when I have one).Right now I don’t desire children; but I believe that if I had an own child (s)he would be the most amazing person I’d ever know and I couldn’t help but love him/her.

  2. Omg. Let me just say firstly, that I though that he was laying on someone’s lap and that was a leg to the right. I was very confused at the hair pattern for a minute (why was there only hair above the knee?) I’m so glad I realized it was someone chest. Whew! Secondly, what a cutie! I’m glad things worked out for yall.

  3. That is one beautiful young man, Dave. You’d BETTER feel connected to him, or Cousin Jess will have to come slap you around a little.

  4. awwwww.It can be very difficult to admit you were wrong too.At least you had the chuzpa to not let that get in the way of getting over yourself, and not holding out just so you could say you were right.cuteee kid 🙂

  5. Did you take pictures?  When my nieces turned one (alyssa, ella, maggie) we did the whole party. Well, not so much alyssa. they were broke. God, I can’t believe how big they are now… it’s crazy to think about it.  Are you close to him (Liam)  now?

  6. aww what a cutie …and such beautiful eyes …maybe it’s not exactly the same, but i have lots of nieces and nephews that i hardly ever get to see and i don’t like it either… =(

  7. Okay, I’m really annoyed right now because I can’t see pictures on your site –only YOURS–when I’m using the junky computer, which is what I’m using today. arg.I can imagine the cuteness though. :)Yay for beautiful babies!~V

  8. He is adorable. Times changes, we change. Sometimes the things we wish and plan out for our lives are not what are best, but we don’t see that until later. Good to see you are recognizing this. 🙂 We see snapshots, God sees the big picture. As time goes by, things once upsetting or surprising now click and make sense. Because of the estranged time with Valerie, you now appreciate the precious time with sweet Liam. Take care, hope it all works out.

  9. You rarely post inspirational posts, Dave, but this touched me immensely. I’ve been through that whole “It’s-good-to-be-wrong-sometimes” cycles in life and I am glad to have read your experience. Kudos!

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