I started to write this letter a few times before and stopped. It’s about time I finished.
More and more lately I am feeling like I am being stifled. Stifled in my writing, stifled in my comedy, stifled in starting a career of some sort. It is a very frustrating place to be in. For a while I felt like I was stuck on a plateau, but this week I realized that I may have actually taken a few steps backward.
I have so many ideas I am anxious to share with people. Everyday I think of something else that I would love to be actively working on. My problem is having a platform to share these ideas from. I have tried working with people. I have tried to prove myself to them, and I feel that I have. It just doesn’t seem to matter. What I’ve been doing is just not working.
I am at a crossroad. It’s time for me to take matters more into my hands. Instead of looking for opportunities in this shitty business, it is time for me to start creating them.
– With my stand up this means that I am going to start moving away from working with bookers. I am going to start finding my own ways of getting stage time and really aggressively marketing myself. I am tired of doing bullshit shows for people who can’t even move forward with their own careers.
– With my writing this means moving on. I can no longer make xanga my focus. I’ve got to have my own space where I am not limited. I love this place, but it really is not doing too much for me at all. When things are at their best around here it is pretty easy to ignore this. With things at an absolute crawl lately, it became glaringly obvious that it is time for me to make a change.
This is not to say that I am leaving completely. I still love this place, primarily because there are some people here who are real friends of mine. I will still be here in some capacity. I just need to say goodbye to the days of checking xanga twenty times per day and posting here all the time. It is counter-productive. No one will mind if I talk a little bit less around here. Seems most people have stopped listening as much anyway.
You know I was wondering recently why Xanga still has a reputation of being the blog site of choice for 16 year old emo kids. Maybe it’s because this place does not allow people to grow.