Don’t Worry, Men Don’t Have Feelings

I’ve never been particularly self-aware when it comes to my appearance. My grooming regiment (if you can even call it that) consists basically of me showering most days, putting lotion on my face, and splashing on some cologne if I remember to do so. I haven’t owned a bottle of hair product in my entire adult life. When it comes to clothes, I like to think I have some semblance of style, but I have certainly never paid much attention to brand names or fashion trends. (My cousin Mica recently reminded me of this when she berated me for wearing jorts.) I just wear what I think looks good on me, provided it doesn’t have an offensive price tag.

This is not to say that I do not have a healthy image of myself. I’ve been told by my fair share of women that I am a very attractive man. (Albeit, most of them were older women at work, or friends of my father who like to make me feel awkward and see me squirm.) I have my strong points and I believe they work well for me. I clean up nicely, I am reasonably well built, and I have a sweet ass that I like to flaunt on occasion. Add in my devastating charm and wit and you have all the makings of an adequately confident man.

Dave <— Adequately confident man.

As men get older there are certain challenges we face. For example, my brother Lau used to box and jump rope and has a picture he likes to show people where he looks like D’Angelo from the “How Does it Feel” video. 3,000 Nachos BelGrandes later and he’s gone from “How Does It Feel” to “How Did it Get Like This?” Granted, diet has something to do with it, but metabolism certainly plays a part as well. You get older, you get fat easier.

Father time is undefeated,

As for me, my main issue so far has been balding. I have a few gray hairs here and there, but really that is no problem. Having the front part of my hairline resemble a tide going back out to sea is a problem for me. I don’t like it, and there isn’t much I can do to fight it.

The thing that makes all of this worse is that as men, no one is sensitive to our plight. No one treats us with the same level of respect as they do women who show signs of aging. This is not to say that women are not judged as they grow older, because they definitely are. The difference is that we as men are RIDICULED when we show signs of wear and tear. People zero in on our flaws and literally point and laugh.

Fuckin’ jerks.

Whenever I see someone I haven’t seen in a while, the first thing they tell me is, “Oh my god Dave, you are balding!” Yeah, no shit. Thanks for reminding me. Do I go up to you after a while like, “oh my god what happen to your boobs?” Do I point out the crows feet under your eyes and delight at how you look like you haven’t slept since 2008? No, because you would cry and shit your pants. Men are not supposed to cry and shit their pants. They are supposed to stand up to abuse and take it in stride. Some men can take it and some men can’t.

There is a reason why so many men become insecure as they get older. Why you will see them spend thousands of dollars on hair restoration. Why they dye their gray hair meticulously week after week. If all else fails, there is always the sports car route. The strategy there being, “Please don’t look at my flaws. Instead look at my brand new Porsche! BASK IN MY MANLINESS!!!”

Here’s the thing about overcompensating. People see straight through it. Old or young or somewhere in between like me, the same rules apply as they always have. Bald spots or no bald spots, love handles or no. saggy boobs or no saggy boobs (this one can apply to men or women), it doesn’t matter. Confidence is sexy. You’ve got to be confident with what you are working with.

Dave <—– Adequately sexy man. (with bald spots)


  1. I married a very confident man. But after being married 10 years, we’ve both discovered he has a more fragile ego than we had both assumed. I’ve been disillusioned about my figure since 2006 and have finally come to a place where I’m confident and have clothes that fit, not to mention valuing feeling healthy over watching the scale. But my hubby? I can’t make fun of him for gaining 5 pounds or he gets all bashful and ridiculous. So I don’t make fun of him for that. I laugh when he farts, I tease him when the kids roll their eyes at his jokes, and I crack up when he tries to tell me something VITALLY IMPORTANT while swishing mouthwash before bed. But I don’t make fun of him. I’d rather encourage his confidence than be part of making it crumble.

    1. You are a smart woman. It is important to know who you are dealing with and what works best. The thing is a lot of people don’t even think about whether or not a man has a fragile ego. The assumption is that a man is not allowed to have a fragile ego, but really we are all just human.

      Oh and HI V!!!

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