My Confession

This post is for mrsprosa. Hope the rest of you enjoy too…

I’m a “hater”. I admit it freely, no shame at all. For those unfamiliar with the term, I offer the following;

hater–

A person that simply cannot be happy for another person’s success. So rather than be happy they make a point of exposing a flaw in that person. Hating, the result of being a hater, is not exactly jealousy. The hater doesnt really want to be the person he or she hates, rather the hater wants to knock somelse down a notch.   i.e.; Susan: You know, Kevin from accounting is doing very well. He just bought a house in a very nice part of town. Jane (hater): If he is doing so well why does he drive that ’89 Taurus?

This definition certainly paints an unflattering picture. I cannot totally classify myslef as this type of hater. I am more than capable of being happy for another person’s success, but I could definitely hear myself saying something like what Jane (hater) says here. I enjoy knocking people down a notch occasionally, but only when they need to be knocked down a bit. That is when their heads are “gassed.”

gassed	–
	when one’s head has been filled with so many compliments, or has been hit on so much that their mindstate is erred with the belief they’re better than everyone else….especially girls i.e.; man fuck that gassed bitch

See the thing is I am not a hater in the jealous, bitter, spiteful son of a bitch sense of the word. There just happens to be a lot of shit I have a problem with. That is why the first definition does not work for me. Here is an appropriate addendum;

hater	–
	Overused word that people like to use just because someone else expresses a dislike for a certain individual. i.e.; PERSON 1: I don’t like Beyonce’s new song. PERSON 2: You’re a hater!!!

Another important thing to note is that I don’t just go around hating for hating’s sake. I hate with purpose. I try to better people through my hating. If I had to define myself as a hater, it would read as follows;

hater	–
	One who battles ignorance, no matter how futile the battle may be.   i.e.; Me: Yo please pull your fucking pants up. Nobody wants to see your stinkin’ ass. Ignorant Motherfucker: Nigga you’s a hater!

Time for a list. You guys know how much i love lists…

Top 3 Things You Might Commonly Catch me Hatin’ on
3. Sidekicks– The pinnacle of “nigga technology.” That quote is from the Boondocks (one of the smartest shows ever) for those who don’t know. There are two main things that make me absolutley despise sidekicks. First of all I hate status symbols. The sidekick (Blackberries can also be substituted here) is the “it” accessory for today’s troubled youth. Without a sidekick you are less than a human being. Owning a sidekick automatically validates your existence. The second thing is this new phenomenon of people thinking they can walk and/or drive for extended periods of time while simultaneously having their heads facedown in their sidekick (again Blackberries are the same). No one else walking matters when a text has to get sent. No it’s okay sidekick owners. Everyone else will watch where your going for you. I have seen a kid on a sidekick walk into a pole texting somebody while walking. Are you texting someone the cure for AIDS. Is it really that serious!

2. Shades/ Sunglasses– Let me clarify. I have no problem with shades per say. I own a few pairs myself. What I do have a problem with is people who wear shades at inappropriate times or places. We get it. You own $200 shades. Congratulations! If you are wearing shades in a place where you probably can’t see shit while wearing them (in a club, at the movies, in a dimly lit restaurant, etc.) then you probably shouldn’t be wearing them. Aslo it is never acceptable to wear your shades in the following ecological settings; at night, in the rain, in the snow (I’m not putting it past some people), or during a solar eclipse. Finally you have a major problem if, if your shades are more expensive than everything else you are wearing or even worse if they are the most expensive thing you own.

1. Kids These Days – I can’t wait to be an old man. I am going to play the “kids these days” card to death. I really could go on for days about why I hate kids these days. I am going to try and sum this up quickly. All kids these days act like they are about ten years older than they really are. You are not my peer little man. Get the fuck outta my face. I would also like to point out some things kids these days rarely use as evidence for why I hate on them; their ears, belts, common sense, respect for others, sidewalks/ traffic lights, the terms “please” or “thank you,” condoms, the volume down button on their ipods, dictionaries, deodarant, and mirrors (come on. why would you bring back late eighties fashion? This really looks good to you?!). 

Whew. That was theraputic. I’m all hated out right about now. Wait. Room for one more thing…

…That’s right Yanni. Thought I forgot right. Screw you, you funny looking, woman beating, no talent asshole. (I know. Completely uncalled for. As usual. But hey, tradition is tradition.)

Dishonorable Mention – Lil Wayne, Kobe Bryant, TMZ, Any of the spoiled little bitches from my Super Sweet Sixteen, and Soulja Boy.