There is nothing on earth that gives people balls more than a keyboard and a screen. The most mild mannered of folk can turn into viscous animals when they get on the internet. Whether it be a comment on a youtube video, a forum post, a reply to a blog, or review on yelp, an all out war of words is always just seconds from breaking out. I don’t know what it is that gives people the balls.

Oh wait… yes I do. They are hundreds of miles away and anonymous. That’s right.

I’ve always found internet toughness to be a fascinating subject. Watching trolls in action is sort of like watching kids in a schoolyard during recess. You can always tell the ones who are acting out, the ones who just want attention, the ones who are just doing it because they see others doing it, and of course the ones who need to be separated because they are genuinely fucking crazy!


Since this is such a fun topic, I decided to do a radio show about it. It will be tonight at 10 PM ET and it is going to be awesome. Here’s the link:


To start the discussion I will share with you some of the types of trolls you might encounter on the interwebs. I’ll give you my top three and then you can take it from there:

Dave’s Top Three Internet Troll Breeds

1. The Say Anything to Fuck With You Troll – This troll never really speaks in coherent sentences or words. They will just post total nonsense like “WEEEEEEEEEE!!!” or “My taint itches when it rains.” These are both comments I have received in the past.

2. The Racist/Homophobic at the Drop of a Hat Troll – This troll usually reverts to racism or homophobia the second you question him/her (usually him) on anything.

“I don’t think the Yankees are going to make the playoffs.”
“Yeah you would think that you nigger. Probably like those faggot Mets.”
“Yeah, I’m a Mets fan.”

3. The Post Hijacker Troll – This troll is the worst to me. They will take any chance they get to turn your post into a forum for whatever issue they want to air out at the time. For example, yesterday on facebook my friend posted this cool video of Rhonda Rousey doing judo. I made the comment that Ray Rice should try to mess with her. A rather innocent passing barb. Some asshole after me calls me ignorant, then proceeds to write a ten paragraph rant on men being victims of domestic violence. 


Okay, now you go. What type of trolls do you encounter?

Join the discussion tonight at 10 PM ET – here

When the Cat’s Away…

Day 8 of the new year and things still don’t feel like they are back to normal around here. It still has the faint feeling of a ghost town, even though people are slowly starting to come back. At first I was a little dismayed by this, but then today I had sort of an epiphany. There is a certain freedom that comes with having no one around. So instead of bitching about the lack of activity around here, I’ve decided to instead enjoy that freedom while it lasts. 

Since No One Is Around…
-I can experiment more with my page. Everyone’s gone anyway so why not take a chance right? The first thing I think I’ll try is poetry. Here is a haiku:

Ovaltine is my
Favorite chocolate drink
Mmmm mmm Ovaltine!

Love it? Hate it? Who gives a shit. This post is not about impressing anyone. Its about freedom. Here’s another experiment:

-Sometimes the greatest stars are born in those, “ahh fuck it” moments. An “ahh fuck it” moment is either when you take a chance because you are part of a sinking ship anyway (Like in the movie Major League. The team sucked anyway so why not take a chance on the Wild Thing), or when a second or third stringer gets a chance because of a rash of injuries to oither guys (Think Drew Bledsoe and Tom Brady, or way back in the day Don Imus and Howard Stern). So in my “ahh fuck it” moment, I am going to turn the reins over to my boss. That’s right my boss. So without further ado my boss, a.k.a NYLegalGuy-

Hello Internet Geeks,

NYLegalGuy here. Yes I am really Dave’s boss and yes I am aware that he is on this crap sometimes at work. Its supposed to be limited to lunchtime and small little 5 minute breaks here and there, but I am not stupid. I know he sneaks on more than that. So here is my plea to you internet geeks. Stop paying attention to Dave so he can get back to fucking work. I like the kid. I don’t want to have to fire him. Times are tough. He might not find another job for months.

Okay thats enough experimenting. I’ve taken control back from him now. I told him he could write anything, but I was thinking he would just bitch about the Jets or something. Lesson learned.

-Aside from experimenting, I can enjoy my freedom by doing all the things I like to do when no one is around. For one thing I can listen to all the girly music that I want without worrying about who is around to give me shit about it. Here’s one of my favorite bitchy tunes…

Life is a mystery, everyone must stand alone
I hear you call my name
And it feels like home


When you call my name its like a little prayer
Im down on my knees, I wanna take you there
In the midnight hour I can feel your power
Just like a prayer you know Ill take you there

Pretty feminine of me right? I can feel my breasts growing as I speak.

-Another thing I like to do when no one is around is walk around naked. Its just so liberating.

lounge censored
Just chillin. 

surfer censored
Silver Surfer is the man isn’t he? 

golf censored
Just hitting some balls. Don’t mind me.

-Okay last but not least, with so many xangans still noticably absent, I thought it would be fun to gossip about a few of them behind their backs. They’re not here to defend themselves so we can crap all over them with no consequences. Here I’ll start it off. You guys can continue in the comments…
Visit shuddertothink's Xanga Site Rumor has it that shuddertothink beat up a bum to get that supercool hat he’s rockin’. That’s not cool at all.

five A little birdie told me that five11nation likes to eat his boogers. Gross!

 I heard from a friend that theblackspiderman likes to videotape himself punching kittens in the face and then posts it on youtube. What a jerk!

Ahh what fun can be had when no one is around to judge you. I’m off to find more people to talk about.