Hey peoples. Dave here.
I wanted to talk about flirting today. See flirting is an artform. Sometimes it can be used to just make someone smile a bit, and sometimes it can be used to relay a message (that message being “I wants to hit that!”).
Regardless of what you are trying to accomplish with your flirting, just know that there is a line where flirting ceases to be flirting. A line where it becomes just creepy and wrong…
Innocent: You look nice today.
Not So Innocent: Damn you lookin’ fine as hell today!
Not Cool!: Hello! Someone just gave me wood!
Innocent: Did you do something different with your hair today?
Not So Innocent: Mmm. I love redheads. Really I love red hair regardless of whether its on the head or not.
Not Cool!: Nice hair. Do you mind if I smell it?
Innocent: Those shoes are beautiful on you.
Not So Innocent: Are those 6 inch heels? I love a woman in 6 inch heels… and nothing else.
Not Cool!: I would pay you at least 50 dollars if you let me watch you stomp around in some Jello barefoot.
Innocent: I see someone has been keeping up with the gym!
Not So Innocent: You got a fat ass yo!
Not Cool!: Don’t mind my staring. I was just picturing you naked.
Innocent: That is a lovely shade of lipstick.
Not So Innocent: Diggin that lipstick girl. Wait… lemme guess. Revlon Parisian right?
Not Cool!: Hey baby, my internet is down. Mind if I come over to your place later and use your DSL? (For those who are unaware, I am not referring to Digital Subscriber Lines here.)
Innocent: I really like that blouse you’re wearing.
Not So Innocent: I swear I am trying to look you in the eyes while you’re talking, but it’s just so damn difficult.
Not Cool!: What do you mean get my hands off your breasts? How bout you get your breasts off my hands!
I wanted to talk about flirting today. See flirting is an artform. Sometimes it can be used to just make someone smile a bit, and sometimes it can be used to relay a message (that message being “I wants to hit that!”).
Regardless of what you are trying to accomplish with your flirting, just know that there is a line where flirting ceases to be flirting. A line where it becomes just creepy and wrong…
Innocent: You look nice today.
Not So Innocent: Damn you lookin’ fine as hell today!
Not Cool!: Hello! Someone just gave me wood!
Innocent: Did you do something different with your hair today?
Not So Innocent: Mmm. I love redheads. Really I love red hair regardless of whether its on the head or not.
Not Cool!: Nice hair. Do you mind if I smell it?
Innocent: Those shoes are beautiful on you.
Not So Innocent: Are those 6 inch heels? I love a woman in 6 inch heels… and nothing else.
Not Cool!: I would pay you at least 50 dollars if you let me watch you stomp around in some Jello barefoot.
Innocent: I see someone has been keeping up with the gym!
Not So Innocent: You got a fat ass yo!
Not Cool!: Don’t mind my staring. I was just picturing you naked.
Innocent: That is a lovely shade of lipstick.
Not So Innocent: Diggin that lipstick girl. Wait… lemme guess. Revlon Parisian right?
Not Cool!: Hey baby, my internet is down. Mind if I come over to your place later and use your DSL? (For those who are unaware, I am not referring to Digital Subscriber Lines here.)
Innocent: I really like that blouse you’re wearing.
Not So Innocent: I swear I am trying to look you in the eyes while you’re talking, but it’s just so damn difficult.
Not Cool!: What do you mean get my hands off your breasts? How bout you get your breasts off my hands!
Against the Grain 
Win.
LOL! Wow… yeah… that’s definitely some flirting gone wrong there… =D
Ha, some of the “not so innocent” ones would totally creep me out. :p The jello one was uber-weird.
Would you like to guest post this on Flirt_off? It’s good.
Hey, what’s the weirdest thing anybody’s said to you while they were flirting?
LOL!
wow
Haha, I like this, especially the not-cool versions.
i’d smack if someone do actually use those lines..
I’ve actually gotten away with some of those Not Cool! ones.
Bwaaah-hahahahaha …. “Get your breasts off my hands” …. OMG …. Ow, my ribs. Ow. (Wipes tears of laughter away)I don’t think I’ve met someone quite that creepy … although there was this guy with a foot-fetish that I met at a bar once … (giggles reminiscently)
@SladeTheGreyFox – Only you, though. We all love you.
Hahahaha, I liked the ‘get your breast off my hands’ thing. You think all of it up by yourself? Very creative and a very funny read. But the lipstick thing.. if a man knew I was wearing Revlon Parisian or whatever, I would question his sexual preference. That would have been a MAJOR turn off!Oh, and what’s DSL??? I am not very up to date on the whole American slang phenomenon, since I don’t live there. So, some help, please?
hahaha all of those “creeper” lines at the end deserve a firm smack to the face!
@Da__Vinci – Go for it dude. No problem.
@vanedave – Great. I’ll grab it now and post it as time allows today. Thanks.
Hahahaha!!now i know why i fail miserably…i’m totally innocent
hahahahaha. I think we have all heard some Not so innocent lines. Hilarious!
@TheMarriedFreshman – Oh I had a really good one just last week. This gay dude who I know from the comedy club asked me if my father (who is also gay) looks anything like me. Then he looked at me like I was a steak dinner or something. I was flattered.
OH dear lord in heaven.
This is hilarious!!! I hope some people have learned some valuable lessons from reading it ha ha!
Haaaaaaaaaaahahaha… ha.. ha…………………. this was great. Nice job, as usual
Hahaha… but if someone used that on me, a black eye would be the least of their worries.
LOL!!!…..dsl….ur so dirty lol
@faustuosa – One thing I almost NEVER do is post stuff that isn’t mine. Oh and as for DSL, well it’s a little offensive, but since you asked. DSL = Dick Sucking Lips.
What if I told you I want to play with your puppies?
you are just. so. knowledgeable…
Once again, Dave, you deliver wisdom to the masses and set a lot of clueless men straight.
@NoPenniesHere – Depends how you said it. Could be very innocent or very creepy.@randomneuralfirings – @Peridot21 – I have been called a sage on occasion.
wow. the best part is that there are plenty of men in the “not so cool!” section who have no idea they’re doing it all wrong. HA.
lol nice
@vanedave – sage. yes. that’s what you are!
lmao I would pay you at least 50 dollars if you let me watch you stomp around in some Jello barefoot.lmao youre hilarious
Hahahahahaha XP what a nice way to start off friday 😀
Flirtation amuses me. It’s a shame that I have absolutely no skill regarding this “artform.”
Ha! 😀
ROFL! I use that last one at LEAST twice a day.
HAHA. Love the last one.
And yes, I was kidding.
lmfao man, that’s hilarious. Def made me laugh and smile. good stuff!
LOL fantastic!
HAHAHAHA
ROTF LMFAO!
you know flirting can be dangerous anyway.
High schoolers should use the ‘innocent’ version more often. Ha XD
@vanedave – hmm, I think I will opt for innocent then.
*LOL* Thank you for the laugh.You know, does that only go Not Cool for the guys? ‘Cause if a girl said something dirty like that to a dude, he would likely really dig it. Well, some girls might like that, too!
the sad thing is, I have had guys say worse things to me. Why oh why have men turned into pigs? what happened to being a gentlemen? lol
I prefer the “not so innocent” lines, myself. :]
haha. that’s just great.
hmmm… the red head line… LOVE IT!
So the world wants to know, which one are you?
I’m glad someone else asked about DSL… I was stumped!
The last one FTW
Excellent contrasts!! LOL!
My favorite line is “babe you look good, but i think you might look even better on your knees.”
and you’re so right too
This is so great. Especially picturing one of my friends saying the “not cool” lines, because they are so exactly what he would say xD
That must be jelly cuz jam don’t shake like that!
I’ve Heard Worse… MUCH WORSE! And Some Of Those Can Easily Be Used As Playful Jokes… Broaden Your Mind. OPEN YOUR MIND.. Sorries For The Total Recall Reference
that’s the way to teach. tell em, Professor Dave.
LOLLL
You’re supposed to ask before smelling people’s hair?
hahaha!!
woah i must be unschooled b/c the innocent flirting is what i usually say to be strictly complimentary. i may have to revise my social skills
The guy guessing the lipstick shade is gay isn’t he? I knew it!Dave, you’re so silly.
hahahaha!!
made me smile
lol wow this is funny. This is usually said by some of my stupid friends in which I say “shut up (name).” Or, I say the first thing that pops in my head (which doesn’t seem to fare well with others…) But it’s sad to say, that some people just generally don’t get the hint and really think that it’s working. And some people are just that immature…
Haha. You’re awesome. Do you know that?
DOMESTIC ABUSE! YOU WANNA HIT ME??!! AHHHHHHHHHH!
whatchya got for me, baaaby i wanna seee (8) .
lol this is awesome!
Better to keep it innocent, not cool phrases will attract all the slaps… or fists.
Does the carpet match the drapes?
MONEY! this is great
That was truly great.
lol
Heh. Cool, cool. I’m recc’ing this.
Well hey, at least you had good intentions…bwahaha!
Haha. They want you over on the flirt site now.
lmfao. man, and I thought I had been told creepy pickup lines xD
i like the damn you gave me wood
@c_jamaica – GASP! I am honored C!@TheTheologiansCafe – yeah, datingish beat them to it.@sonychak – Got any articles coming up for me?
@vanedave – haha so business like. um let me see after a few nba playoff games
@vanedave – I told you. I am only recc’ing posts that I think are worth it to be on Top Blogs. And this one is funny, in an informative way. Others that I see on the front page are way too redundant. And some are too much nonsense. It’s almost sickening to read.
Haha, this is hilarious. Even that hateful.. er.. loveable place that sounds like an island in the Bahamas liked it! Something must be wrong here.
I would rather he ask to smell my hair than make that other comment which might make me think he was just a little weird, but not in a good way, necessarily.