The Official Xanga Bailout Plan

Alright people. Its high time that I got around to posting this. Last month I broke the news to you that we are in the midst of a Xanga Recession. It was a tough pill for us all to swallow, but the truth needed to be heard. I promised that I would have a plan for you guys on how to deal with this crisis and I am a man of my word. So my friends, today I give you:

The Official Xanga Bailout Plan
(Note for slow people: Some of this is serious and some is not. Have fun figuring out what is what, cause I ain’t tellin’.)

So we’ve got a probem. We’ve admitted it. That means we’ve taken the first step on the road to recovery. The question that lies before us now is how to avoid sinking to the same depths as our real economy. How do we right the ship before we start having massive xanga layoffs, and an endless string of desperate mergers. I mean really, are you looking forward to a future where all usernames resemble something along the lines of kellychicky@curtainsopen@StewieIsMyHero@casmarie@seedsower@antisoccermom.com (a subsidiary of Theologian’sCafe).  Try typing that into your browser!

Now as outlined in the recession post, there are three main factors contributing to the current xanga economic climate. Lets go through and tackle them one by one.

Problem 1: A Decline in Content – Now let me first say that this problem is not as bad as it was a month ago, but it is still not where it needs to be. It just seems that more and more good posts are not getting their due these days.

Solution: Here is what we can do xanga. We can either continue to bitch about featured and this person being a top blogger and that ish site taking up all the space in the front page, or we can ignore it and focus our attention quality, underappreciated blogs. Here is a newsflash for you, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO READ THE BLOGS ON THE FRONT PAGE ONLY! Seek out great writers and encourage them to keep up the good work. Lets face it guys, most of us are inspired to be better and more prolific writers as our traffic goes up. We cannot keep rewarding the same people over and over with comments and recs no matter what piece of crap post they put out, while ignoring great writing from more obscure xangans. Now I know what you are thinking; Sometimes I just dont know where to find these diamonds in the rough. Or maybe you just don’t have the patience to look. Well my friends I have good news for you. Soon you won’t have to.

Announcing the Xanga Financial Group. The XFG will provide services for xangans who want to keep track of all that is WIN in xanga. It will consist of a Xanga Stock Market (We will track a select number of blogs as stocks), Xanga Investment Tips (To tell you which stocks are hot), and a Blog Trend Watch (This way you keep ahead of the blogging curve and we dont get people posting “25 Things” lists in July.). The XFG will consist of some of the finest minds on xanga and will be coming to you real soon! Now on to the next problem.

Problem 2: The Decline of the Rec – This problem is as bad as ever. I recently had a post that received 35 recs and 79 comments. That is barely a 2:1 ratio. The rec today is worth less than an autographed copy of MC Hammer’s first album.

Solution: Here is something that we’ve all been through. You get a rec from a friend and you decide to go check it out feeling all optimistic about it, only to find that your friend just rec’d you some bullshit! How do you feel after that? You feel violated don’t you. Like someone just raped your puppy or something. You want to warn others so that no one is ever violated like that again. Well what if we could rate people’s recs? Think about it. You just read the crappiest post ever because asshole friend #1 sent it to you. You give it a crap rating, just as all the other people who were forced to read it will, and now unsuspecting friend#2 has a fair warning. What’s better is that the rec rating would stay with that person for all future recs. For the rating to change, they would simply have to rec better posts.

To make it clear what a person’s rating is, their could be a little icon next to their rec. The little red heart for a good rating, and a little brown turd for a crap rating. So now when you see this in your inbox:
AssholeFriend#1 recommended SomeChick’s weblog entry: Some Stupid Survey Result
You can skip right over it.

Problem 3: The Rise of Xanga Whoredom – The surveys, the mass messages, the widgets, the constant craving for attention. It can get a bit taxing for both the xanga whore and the people who have to walk the same street as the xanga whore and pretend they don’t notice the patent leather mini skirt, gold knee high boots, and platinum blond wig.

Solution: Okay this is a two parter. The first is a massive economic stimulus package similar to the real life one. I propose Xanga dole out a massive 750 billion credit bailout grant. We can get most of the credits for this bailout package from SnippiesBlog (I heard she gives out free premium like its candy, so she must have a buttload of credits stashed away). The grant will be dispersed among all xanga whores. This way they can get that free year of premium they’ve been aching so bad for and we can be left the hell alone.

The second part is this piece of advice. I know you didn’t ask me for it, but i’m giving it to you anyway. Mass messaging and kissing people’s asses will not make you friends around here. Just chill and go with the flow. Find people who you like to read and concentrate on improving your writing. Thats how you make friends on here. Not by beating them over the head with “hey look at me” all the time. Make friends and they will comment you. Trust in your writing xanga. It may take some time, but people will come around to you.

Rec or don’t rec. Whatever.